 |
Do You Recognize The 7 Early Warning Signs of a Doomed Relationship?
Author: Deborrah Cooper  | Posted: 03-03-2008 | Comments: 0 | Views: 76 | Rating: (146)  (?) 
 Avoid unnecessary heartbreak and wasting time in dead-end relationships. Here are seven indicators that a "crash and burn" may be in your future!
1. Partner Still Involved With The Ex.
Can we say "rebound?" It's common to meet singles who are having a difficult time letting go of the past. You'll notice disturbing behavior: the Ex's name comes up frequently in conversations; there may be regular phone calls, secretive visits, frequent arguments and a lot of unresolved pain between them. You may think that if you love enough, you can make it all better.
Realistically, it takes years for hearts to fully heal; some never hit the mark. While you sit there smugly thinking "well s/he is here with ME" remember that you only have the body - the Ex has their heart. Are you prepared to wait around for weeks, months, years with no guarantees you'll EVER get the love you want? I suggest you not waste time fighting ghosts of the past.
2. Desperation Fuels Your Search.
Some singles are very ready for a relationship. That readiness for commitment comes across as anxiety about finding someone - desperate and fearful anxiety. With biological clocks ticking and heart in hand, you attach yourself to the first person that shows interest, no matter how inappropriate.
Though this individual is NOTHING you ever claimed to want, you desperately hang on trying to "make it work." Or you may find yourself repeatedly involved in passionate relationships with people that are emotionally mentally or physically unavailable (i.e. married, long-distance Internet relationships, convicts, workaholics with no time for you, or sex-based FWBs that leave you feeling used and lonely). Your friends and family scratch their heads and wonder what you see that they don't. You have no real defense other than "you can't help who you love!"
3. Unrealistic Expectations of Perfection.
Every time the phrase "you should" comes out of your mouth, you are judging and holding yourself up to be superior. Anytime the words "why don't you" escape your lips, you are expressing your disapproval. You are trying to CHANGE someone. When energy is expended attempting to change the other to become what YOU think they should be there is trouble ahead. Anyway, you aren't perfect yourself, so why insist someone else try to be?
True love is constructed on a foundation of respect, commonality and acceptance. However, incompatible sexual beliefs, lifestyle choices, and/or gender role expectations will cause insurmountable rifts. If there is such a vast difference in values, beliefs or lifestyles that you find your mate's preferences to be distasteful, the problem here is not them, it's YOU.
4. Displays of Jealous, Obsessive, Controlling or Abusive Behavior.
Abuse can be insidious and not easily recognizable, but usually one is left with visible bruises and damaged self-confidence. Pushing, name-calling, pinching, slapping, arm-twisting and punching are abusive intimidation tactics. Damaging your property to "get you back," unwarranted anger and jealousy that makes you walk on eggshells are others.
Hurtful, mean, disparaging words said to you are common psychologically abusive behaviors. And of course your mate is sorry and promises not to do it again -- until the next time. Abusers must get only ONE chance. If you are ever physically assaulted, fearful of injury for any reason, or verbally insulted even once, please close the door on that relationship immediately.
5. You Can't Stand Your Mate's Friends, Family or Children.
Should you marry, your mate becomes a part of your family, and you a part of theirs. If you cannot blend your close friends and loved ones with those of your mate during the dating process, there will be serious conflict down the road. And it's not reasonable to expect your partner to give up childhood friends or forego family bonds important to them. Just remember that "blood is thicker than water." If you hate your mate's friends and family and they are aware of it, they'll soon close ranks and you'll be out.
6. Giving Too Much.
When your love for yourself is affected by your love for someone else, you are on a downhill slide. Being considerate is important, but not when it means you sacrifice your safety, financial stability or health! You are guilty of giving too much if you put aside condoms, rewarding hobbies, interests, loving friends or family because of your mate's negative comments. Your world becomes smaller as you center it around pleasing your mate and sacrificing yourself. Love cannot blossom without respect. Stand up for yourself; demand fairness and equality in both giving and receiving! Make no excuses. Anyone coming into your life not up to par with regards to maturity or responsibility must be put in the "reject" pile.
7. Strong Evidence of Lying.
Honesty and the trust it establishes is at the core of any loving relationship. Lying, pretense, and factual omissions damage trust. Compulsive liars possess a serious character flaw, and they never change. Ask yourself what is it that your mate is trying to hide or pretend to be and why?
Anyone that won't tell the truth about themselves, beliefs or behaviors is afraid of being exposed, which means you cannot ever be truly intimate partners. If you've caught your mate lying and feel that you cannot trust him or her anymore, why are you staying? Where can this situation go but up in smoke?
Closing your eyes to these seven warning signs won't make the problem go away. What you see is what you get. Your goal is to find someone you can share your spirit with, as well as your heart and life. Realistically assess each potential partner you meet until you find a solid, secure fit that feels like you've come home.
Rate this Article:
Current: 5 / 5 stars - 2 vote(s).
Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/dating-articles/do-you-recognize-the-7-early-warning-signs-of-a-doomed-relationship-349493.html
About the Author:Deborrah Cooper has penned an advice column on http://www.askheartbeat.com for 15 years, and hosts an Internet radio show on dating and relationships on BlogTalkRadio.Com She's also author of Sucka Free Love! a hilarious guide to modern dating.
|
Submitting articles has become one of the most popular means of generating quality backlinks and targeted traffic to your website. Join us today - It's Free! |
|
Related Articles
Making a Successful Singles Connection
By: Deborrah Cooper | 07/03/2008 | Dating
When it's time to choose a mate, too many of us make the wrong choices and time after time our relationships crash and burn, and end in heartbreak. Here are tips to prevent that from happening to you!
Breaking Up and Divorce - Sometimes Love Hurts
By: Deborrah Cooper | 28/03/2008 | Dating
What do you do when you lose someone you really loved? How do you handle the feeling of emptiness and sooth your aching heart? Love is a wonderful feeling, but why is it that when love leaves, it hurts so much that you can't even cry?
Are you Open to Love? - (part 2 of 10) - the Reasons you May Not Be
By: Joshua Danicio | 29/09/2006 | Relationships
by Joshua Danicio
Welcome back to the "Are You Open To Love?" part 2 of the 10 part series. In part 1 we discussed how on one level we do not want to be lonely as human beings yet, on another level we are not open to love. We do not let love into our life because we believe in some level it is not good for us or we are not ready for it. Why?
Are you Open to Love? (part 1 of 10) - Why Not?
By: Joshua Danicio | 28/09/2006 | Relationships
"Are You Open To Love?" I ask. You say "Of course! What kind of question is that?, who isn't?". Isn't it amazing that we think that and yet, there are millions of people who say they want love yet when it comes to the crunch they are not really open to it?
Are You Single Again?
By: Tonja Weimer | 08/07/2008 | Dating
Did you just get out of a relationship and now find yourself single again? Has the dating scene changed since you were last out there? Are you out of practice in meeting new people to date? Find the secrets from expert singles coach, Tonja Weimer and find what you really want.
Growing Online Dating Relationships
By: Oscar | 22/11/2007 | Dating
Just like regular real-world relationships, online relationships need tending, to grow over time. Here are some quick tips to grow your online relationships.
Just How Do I Know He is in Love With Me and Tips to Find Out?
By: Emeka Esogbue | 11/06/2008 | Dating
A lot of us (Ladies) are indeed confused on whether we are genuinely loved or not, or whether the relationship we are currently in will lead us to the alter or not. If only I see the mind of guy phisically makes wishful thinking for us. This is made worse by the fact that fondness, and admiration and interest, may all be infatuation and not genuine love. Find out whether you are loved by your guy or not.
Can He Marry Me? I Ask
By: Emeka Esogbue | 03/07/2008 | Dating
A lady may sometimes wonder the man in her life is the Mr Right. This is necessitated by the fact that men can be full of pretence, pretending to be love when actually they are out to satisfy their sexual urge. In some cases, too it has been discovered that a ladies help their men to waste their own time knowingly or unknowingly. This article will help you find out how and how you can avoid this. Find out how.
Latest Dating Articles
Tips And Advice For Choosing A Dating Service
By: Margarita Dalian | 26/07/2008
Like almost everything else these days, love has gone digital. Instead of hitting the singles scene, now people looking for love turn to their computers and go shopping for a mate online the same way they show for their books and plane tickets.
The Age Thing On Your Online Dating Profile
By: Margarita Dalian | 26/07/2008
Online dating opened a whole new world and level of dating. For many people it is easier to find a partner through an online dating service for several reasons
What to Say to a Girlfriend After an Argument
By: Peter Harris | 26/07/2008
Arguing between couples is normal and will happen to the best of couples. Avoiding arguments is probably not healthy and sooner or later one of you will explode. Arguments are a necessary part of any relationship because they allow you an avenue to express thoughts and opinions that you might not otherwise express. What you say to a
girlfriend after an argument can determine how successful you will be in making up with her.
How to Argue Fairly - Part 2
By: Peter Harris | 26/07/2008
Learning how to argue fairly can be very beneficial to the longevity of your relationship. Because arguements are often fueled by intense emotions it is wise to adhere to specific guidelines when arguing so you can avoid anything that will cause irreparable damage in the relationship. Here are further guidelines on how to argue fairly.
How to Argue Fairly - Part 1
By: Peter Harris | 26/07/2008
Learning how to argue fairly can be very beneficial to the longevity of your relationship. Because arguements are often fueled by intense emotions it is wise to adhere to specific guidelines when arguing so you can avoid anything that will cause irreparable damage in the relationship. Here are some guidelines on how to argue fairly.
How to Argue Your Point
By: Peter Harris | 26/07/2008
Most of us are never taught how to argue your point effectively so we can reach a productive outcome. Often times we argue in a destructive manner and don't resovle our conflicts because of it. Until you discover how to argue your point effectively you can cause significant damage to your relationships, both business and personal. Here are some guidelines on how to argue your point.
What Do Couples Argue About?
By: Peter Harris | 26/07/2008
Anyone in a relationship will argue with their partners. It is inevitable. Did you ever wonder what do other couples argue about? Likely they are arguing about the same things that you and your partner argue about. Arguing is normal and it shouldn't be avoided. It really can be used to help bring forth issues and concerns that couples have so they can learn more about each other and bring themselves closer together. So what do couples argue about?
Top Five Things to Say to a Girlfriend After an Argument
By: Peter Harris | 26/07/2008
Avoiding arguments is probably not healthy and sooner or later one of you will explode. Arguing in this manner is usually counterproductive in that it becomes much harder to control your emotions and to reach a resolution. What you say to a girlfriend after an argument can determine how successful you will be in making up with her.
More from Deborrah Cooper
Shyness and Dating: Why Shy Men Need to Suck it Up, Man Up, and Go for the Gold!
By: Deborrah Cooper | 12/07/2008 | Advice
A male buddy and I were discussing the issue of men approaching women at parties and nightclubs. I couldn't understand why they stand around gawking, but not speaking to the ladies. Insecurity has no place in romance! If you want to win the gold medal, you gotta get in the game. Shy guys need to man up and speak up!
Rejection - Why It Hurts and What To Do About The Pain
By: Deborrah Cooper | 10/07/2008 | Dating
Rejection...when it hurts, it hurts like HELL. For most humans, rejection leaves one swimming in a sea of diminished self worth. Society is quick to recognize the physical and emotional pain men inflict on women, but somehow fails to understand the pain women often inflict on men.
Forgiving Infidelity and Cheating - Can We Really Forget?
By: Deborrah Cooper | 09/07/2008 | Advice
Contrary to popular opinion, men are not always the blame when it comes to infidelity in a relationship. Cheating tendencies are not gender related. To the men that have accused me of being an angry woman, a male basher, or a woman with issues, this article addresses this subject equivalently. Cheating and infidelity is a two way street.
No! Stop It Right Now! You Cannot Do That! Why Are Parents So Afraid to Just Say "NO!"
By: Deborrah Cooper | 08/07/2008 | Motivational
Why is it that so many parents are afraid to say the word "no!" to their children? I've observed parents being kicked, punched, talked to with disrespect and whined half to death by their bratty, spoiled monsters. Why can't they tell them to stop screaming, stop acting a fool, and do it now because I said so! Join me as I launch the Let's Bring "NO!" Back Campaign!
Be The Man Your Woman Needs to Dump Proof Your Relationship
By: Deborrah Cooper | 25/06/2008 | Dating
Women today are definitely strong and very independent, but that that mean that we don't need the emotional and physical support of our men? If you're a guy that believes a modern woman doesn't need you in any way, and you use that as an excuse to avoid giving of yourself, you're treading on dangerous ground. And you'll be dumped soon...
Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire! Dating, Lies and Deception Are Often a Package Deal
By: Deborrah Cooper | 23/06/2008 | Dating
Misrepresentations, omissions, and out and out lies are unfortunately a realistic component of the modern dating scene. Here are a few tips to help guide you through the challenges of dating!
Parental Relationship Soured Over Interracial Romance
By: Deborrah Cooper | 17/06/2008 | Advice
Interracial relationships, though quite commonplace, are still confusing to many parents, and downright frowned upon by others. Does love really come painted in a specific color? The issue is examined in this parent/teen conflict.
The Real Purpose of A Relationship
By: Deborrah Cooper | 25/05/2008 | Dating
I don't know about you, but I am tired of reading articles and discussion forum posts involving gender blaming, race blaming, and society blaming and why we can't have successful relationships. Why don't we collectively as human beings take accountability for our ills?
|
|
Relationships 
