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Peter Harris is a health care professional and author and writes frequently about relationships.
Learning how to argue fairly can be very beneficial to the longevity of your relationship. Because arguements are often fueled by intense emotions it is wise to adhere to specific guidelines when arguing so you can avoid anything that will cause irreparable damage in the relationship. Here are some guidelines on how to argue fairly.
Physical Aggression - it is human nature to become more aggressive when we are involved in an arguement. This can be through body language or actual physical contact with another. Physical aggression should never be part of a productive arguement. It accomplishes nothing except establishing fear and mistrust between two people. Walk away when you have to to keep this under control. It is always better to take a break than to attack someone physically.
Verbal Aggression - Like physical aggression verbal attacks are not useful in an argument. Verbal attacks only make the situation deteriorate and will take the focus off of the main point of the argument. The purpose of the argument is to reach a resolution about the problem at hand. If you start with personal insults you are creating a whole new stash of things you have to apologize for. It's just not worth it in the end.
Take responsibility for your actions and feelings - Use phrases like "this is how I feel", "I did this because...", "it makes me angry because...". Speaking in this manner demonstrates that you are responsible for your feelings and actions. You are not placing the blame on your partner.
Allow honesty - don't be afraid of being honest with the person you are arguing with. You should not try to hide your true feelings or what problem is really bothering you. If you are not honest with your feelings you will not be able to resolve the true issues.
Don't beat around the bush - if you want a quick resolution to the problem at hand then be direct. Get to the point, the current point. Don't dredge up past problems or events. Stay focused. This will assure that both of you stay on target and reach a mutual agreement.
Study these 10 points and try to stick to them. No one will ever argue in a perfect manner but if you try to keep these ground rules on how to argue fairly in mind your arguing will be much more productive and perhaps beneficial for your relationship.
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