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Peter Harris is a health care professional and author and writes frequently about relationships.
Learning how to argue fairly can be very beneficial to the longevity of your relationship. Because arguements are often fueled by intense emotions it is wise to adhere to specific guidelines when arguing so you can avoid anything that will cause irreparable damage in the relationship. Here are further guidelines on how to argue fairly.
Take a break from the argument - arguments are often fueled by heated emotions and it is easy to lose control of the situation. When you feel this is happening the best thing you can do is to stop and take a break. Walk away for a while. Chances are you haven't resolved the situation yet and you can always return to it. Your arguing will be much more productive when you approach it with a level, cool head.
Make forgiveness an option - Sooner or later an argument has to end whether it has been resolved or not. At that point you must decide is you are willing to forgive your partner for whatever was done. This forgiveness may be temporary if you haven't resolved the problem and know the discussion is only on hold for now. Remember - offering forgiveness does not mean you lose. This is not a contest. You are trying to develop a strong relationship and offering forgiveness helps build relationships.
Keep the argument positive - This means to focus on the problems at hand, stay focused and allow the argument to progress. Don't stifle the argument by rehashing the same points over and over. Be willing to concede when you are able to; consider the other person's point of view; allow yourself and your partner to express true feelings.
Avoid destructive arguing - stay away from anything during an argument that seems destructive. Examples of this are physical and verbal attacks, trying to always get the last word in, not listening to your partner or letting them express themselves, talking over them, throwing things, bringing up past or irrelevant events, etc.
Don't argue about the same thing over and over - If you and your partner cannot reach a resolution about a problem then continually rehashing the same problem over and over will not help matters. It will usually only create greater tension between the two of you. You may get to the point where you will have to agree to disagree. If the matter is very serious and could mean the end of the relationship you may want to consider professional help.
Study these 10 points and try to stick to them. No one will ever argue in a perfect manner but is you try to keep these ground rules on how to argue fairly in mind your arguing will be much more productive and perhaps beneficial for your relationship.
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