How to Get Over Your Ex

<h1>How to Get Over Your Ex</h1>Author: <a title="Rhiannon Rose" href="http://www.articlesbase.com/authors/rhiannon-rose/3834.htm">Rhiannon Rose</a> If a person has an experience that is physically, mentally or emotionally traumatic, the mind deals with the situation in one of several different ways. Some people abuse alcohol, food, drugs or other substances to numb the feelings they have inside. Others mourn for a short period of time, restore their faith, balance and sanity, and somehow miraculously move on. But the rest of us left over, usually those who are very analytical and logical, have trouble processing deeply troubling situations. So, we replay the painful situation over and over again in our minds, searching for an answer. But the problem is, the answer cannot be found in the rational mind, because the problem is on an emotional plain. Therefore, the solution has to come from the heart, which needs to be healed and restored. Here is the step by step process I have adapted to end obsessive thinking about an Ex: 
Step 1: 
Don't take anything your Ex ever said or did personally, because nothing your Ex ever said or did was about you. Even if your Ex downright blames you for everything that went wrong in your relationship, realize their statement is only coming from who they are, which has absolutely nothing to do with the person you are. 
Step 2:
However, not taking your Ex personally is a two sided coin. If during the heat of an argument you react and tell your Ex what an idiot THEY are, and how everything is THEIR fault, then it has nothing to do with them. Your statements only reflect the kind of person you are, which is a person who likes to blame and judge. This has nothing to do with your Ex. Therefore, consciously make an effort to be the person you are, regardless of how your Ex is behaving. Make a list of all the qualities you admire in others, for example: kindness, confidence, compassion, and respect. Chances are you already possess the qualities within yourself. Be very careful not to make statements that don't reflect who you are, even when you may be tempted to give into the hurt and anger you feel. 
Step 3
Release your judgments and opinions by becoming friends with Death. As morbid as this sounds, realize that in 100 years, you and your Ex will likely be dead, and nothing you ever fought about will be remembered. If your Ex has the obsessive need to be right and argue with you about everything, give in to their whim and say, "You are absolutely right." Not only will this reinforce your relationship with Death and save you a tremendous amount of personal power, your Ex will find it impossible to argue with you because you are giving the non-verbal message that it really doesn't matter. As one my favorite authors Wayne Dyer once said, "Have you ever noticed how hard it is to argue with someone who isn't obsessed with being right?" 
Step 4: 
If the hurt and anger is overwhelming, distance yourself from your Ex completely. And no matter what, get on your knees and pray for your Ex every morning. Pray that your Ex will be granted all of the health, wealth and happiness you wish for yourself. Even if you are not a religious person, or you don't believe in God, the act itself is liberating. 
In twelve step programs, such as Alcoholics Anonymous, they are taught to pray for people they have a deep resentment towards. At first, you will not mean a word of the prayer. But if you say the prayer consistently for two weeks, you will come to genuinely mean it, and find that there is a part of you that realizes your Ex is just a human being, with their own imperfections, weaknesses and short comings. If you go deeper, you will realize your Ex may also be a very hurt and scared person - even if they outwardly seem very hostile, aggressive and manipulative. Of course, no matter what happened to your Ex in their childhood or even in their day to day life - it does not give them a reason to mistreat you. But by being aware of the fact that your Ex has a certain set of issues to deal with on their own time, it will help you replace the hurt and anger you feel with compassion and understanding. 
Step 5:
Own your personal power. Because when you are who you are, regardless of the situation or circumstance that comes your way, then this transforms you into a very powerful person. This is the step that absolutely baffles your Ex, because by you being who you are, and not letting them get you down - it sends your Ex the non-verbal message that you are who you are and they are who they are. But most importantly, it tells your Ex that you are not going to take any of their crap! When you respond to your Ex's hostility with kindness, and your Ex's blame with compassion, it frustrates them to no end, because your Ex cannot get you to play their game. 
Step 6:
Come to understand that you are doing all of this work for no other reason than to realize who you are, restore your sense of balance, and reclaim your personal power. If you do all of this work in order to manipulate your Ex, and make them want you back, your Ex will subconsciously sense your intentions, because at one point or another, you will slip and let your intentions be known without realizing it. When this happens, you will give all of your power back to your Ex, and will have to start all over again with Step 1. 
Step 6 is often tricky, because if you master each step up to this point, your Ex may very well want to reconcile. At the very least, your Ex will begin responding to the kindness you send their way in a positive fashion. But regardless if you want to get back together with your Ex, just be friends, or just get over the obsessive thinking - remember your sole purpose is to realize who you are, restore your sense of balance, and reclaim your personal power. If you do all of this work just to manipulate your Ex into responding the way you want them to, it may work for a very short period of time. But I guarantee your Ex will pick up on the fact that your intentions are not genuine, and you will lose your personal power. Not only that, but when you genuinely become who you are, you attract the right kind of people to your life. And maybe your Ex is not the person you are meant to be with! And the only way you will know if you are meant to be with your Ex or anyone else is if you are genuinely who you are. 
Step 7: 
Forgive your Ex, no matter what they did or didn't do. Unfortunately, it may not be enough at this point to say, "I forgive my ex." And leave it at that. Forgiveness has little to do with words, and more to do with action. Before proceeding with this step, I recommend reading up on the topic of forgiveness, and reading heroic stories about the power of forgiveness. I once read a story about a woman whose daughter was brutally raped and murdered by a man that was eventually caught and sent to prison. As anyone can imagine, the woman spent years of her life in rage and obsession over what this man had done to her daughter. I am sure there are no words to express how much pain this woman was feeling. However, she somehow stumbled on a book entitled, The Course of Miracles and began reading about what the power of forgiveness could do for her. She started to pray for the man, and eventually sent him a letter, letting him know she had forgiven him for the actions he took against her daughter, even though she didn't condone his behavior. To make a long story short, the man wrote the woman back and apologized profusely. The woman felt compelled to see this young man in prison, and she held him as he cried during their first visit. To make a long story short, they became friends, and she became his number one advocate in attempts to release him from prison. 
There are not a lot of people walking on the planet as courageous as this woman, but it is an extreme example of what is possible within each one of us. I thought about this woman before I reached out to my Ex with forgiveness in my heart. I sent a gift to my Ex and the woman my Ex left me for, which seemed to pale in comparison to this woman's story. Of course, it took me a little over a year to reach that point, and a lot of soul searching. To this day, I love my Ex with all of my heart on a platonic level. We live in two totally different cities, but still call and send each other emails on occasion as good friends. 
I am also in a healthy relationship with someone I am deeply in love with. Next week will be our two year anniversary. I do not think I would be as happy and as deeply in love with this new person as I am now, had I not let go of the anger, bitterness, and resentment I once felt towards my Ex, which is another reason why forgiveness is so important. 
A lot of people believe turning off your feelings for a person you once were in a romantic relationship with, or even hating them is a way to show that they are "over" the person. But I believe the exact opposite is true. When you are completely "over" a person, you really wish them nothing but the best - and you are totally detached emotionally from how they act or react. Another point to consider is the fact that love isn't real unless you loved your Ex for the person they are, not the person you wanted them to be. And just because the romantic relationship didn't work out, doesn't mean your Ex isn't a lovable person.
About the Author: Rhiannon Wilkinson created Lover of Love, <a target="_blank" href="http://www.loveroflove.com,">http://www.loveroflove.com,</a> to inspire thousands of readers to love, just for the sake of loving. Read hundreds of articles, quotations and poetry about the SEVEN different forms of love. Visit <a target="_blank" href="http://www.loveroflove.com">http://www.loveroflove.com</a> for more details.Article Source: <a href="http://www.articlesbase.com/">ArticlesBase.com</a> - <a href="http://www.articlesbase.com/dating-articles/how-to-get-over-your-ex-20231.html" title="How to Get Over Your Ex">How to Get Over Your Ex</a>

If a person has an experience that is physically, mentally or emotionally traumatic, the mind deals with the situation in one of several different ways. Some people abuse alcohol, food, drugs or other substances to numb the feelings they have inside. Others mourn for a short period of time, restore their faith, balance and sanity, and somehow miraculously move on. But the rest of us left over, usually those who are very analytical and logical, have trouble processing deeply troubling situations. So, we replay the painful situation over and over again in our minds, searching for an answer. But the problem is, the answer cannot be found in the rational mind, because the problem is on an emotional plain. Therefore, the solution has to come from the heart, which needs to be healed and restored. Here is the step by step process I have adapted to end obsessive thinking about an Ex:

Step 1:

Don't take anything your Ex ever said or did personally, because nothing your Ex ever said or did was about you. Even if your Ex downright blames you for everything that went wrong in your relationship, realize their statement is only coming from who they are, which has absolutely nothing to do with the person you are.

Step 2:

However, not taking your Ex personally is a two sided coin. If during the heat of an argument you react and tell your Ex what an idiot THEY are, and how everything is THEIR fault, then it has nothing to do with them. Your statements only reflect the kind of person you are, which is a person who likes to blame and judge. This has nothing to do with your Ex. Therefore, consciously make an effort to be the person you are, regardless of how your Ex is behaving. Make a list of all the qualities you admire in others, for example: kindness, confidence, compassion, and respect. Chances are you already possess the qualities within yourself. Be very careful not to make statements that don't reflect who you are, even when you may be tempted to give into the hurt and anger you feel.

Step 3

Release your judgments and opinions by becoming friends with Death. As morbid as this sounds, realize that in 100 years, you and your Ex will likely be dead, and nothing you ever fought about will be remembered. If your Ex has the obsessive need to be right and argue with you about everything, give in to their whim and say, "You are absolutely right." Not only will this reinforce your relationship with Death and save you a tremendous amount of personal power, your Ex will find it impossible to argue with you because you are giving the non-verbal message that it really doesn't matter. As one my favorite authors Wayne Dyer once said, "Have you ever noticed how hard it is to argue with someone who isn't obsessed with being right?"

Step 4:

If the hurt and anger is overwhelming, distance yourself from your Ex completely. And no matter what, get on your knees and pray for your Ex every morning. Pray that your Ex will be granted all of the health, wealth and happiness you wish for yourself. Even if you are not a religious person, or you don't believe in God, the act itself is liberating.

In twelve step programs, such as Alcoholics Anonymous, they are taught to pray for people they have a deep resentment towards. At first, you will not mean a word of the prayer. But if you say the prayer consistently for two weeks, you will come to genuinely mean it, and find that there is a part of you that realizes your Ex is just a human being, with their own imperfections, weaknesses and short comings. If you go deeper, you will realize your Ex may also be a very hurt and scared person - even if they outwardly seem very hostile, aggressive and manipulative. Of course, no matter what happened to your Ex in their childhood or even in their day to day life - it does not give them a reason to mistreat you. But by being aware of the fact that your Ex has a certain set of issues to deal with on their own time, it will help you replace the hurt and anger you feel with compassion and understanding.

Step 5:

Own your personal power. Because when you are who you are, regardless of the situation or circumstance that comes your way, then this transforms you into a very powerful person. This is the step that absolutely baffles your Ex, because by you being who you are, and not letting them get you down - it sends your Ex the non-verbal message that you are who you are and they are who they are. But most importantly, it tells your Ex that you are not going to take any of their crap! When you respond to your Ex's hostility with kindness, and your Ex's blame with compassion, it frustrates them to no end, because your Ex cannot get you to play their game.

Step 6:

Come to understand that you are doing all of this work for no other reason than to realize who you are, restore your sense of balance, and reclaim your personal power. If you do all of this work in order to manipulate your Ex, and make them want you back, your Ex will subconsciously sense your intentions, because at one point or another, you will slip and let your intentions be known without realizing it. When this happens, you will give all of your power back to your Ex, and will have to start all over again with Step 1.

Step 6 is often tricky, because if you master each step up to this point, your Ex may very well want to reconcile. At the very least, your Ex will begin responding to the kindness you send their way in a positive fashion. But regardless if you want to get back together with your Ex, just be friends, or just get over the obsessive thinking - remember your sole purpose is to realize who you are, restore your sense of balance, and reclaim your personal power. If you do all of this work just to manipulate your Ex into responding the way you want them to, it may work for a very short period of time. But I guarantee your Ex will pick up on the fact that your intentions are not genuine, and you will lose your personal power. Not only that, but when you genuinely become who you are, you attract the right kind of people to your life. And maybe your Ex is not the person you are meant to be with! And the only way you will know if you are meant to be with your Ex or anyone else is if you are genuinely who you are.

Step 7:

Forgive your Ex, no matter what they did or didn't do. Unfortunately, it may not be enough at this point to say, "I forgive my ex." And leave it at that. Forgiveness has little to do with words, and more to do with action. Before proceeding with this step, I recommend reading up on the topic of forgiveness, and reading heroic stories about the power of forgiveness. I once read a story about a woman whose daughter was brutally raped and murdered by a man that was eventually caught and sent to prison. As anyone can imagine, the woman spent years of her life in rage and obsession over what this man had done to her daughter. I am sure there are no words to express how much pain this woman was feeling. However, she somehow stumbled on a book entitled, The Course of Miracles and began reading about what the power of forgiveness could do for her. She started to pray for the man, and eventually sent him a letter, letting him know she had forgiven him for the actions he took against her daughter, even though she didn't condone his behavior. To make a long story short, the man wrote the woman back and apologized profusely. The woman felt compelled to see this young man in prison, and she held him as he cried during their first visit. To make a long story short, they became friends, and she became his number one advocate in attempts to release him from prison.

There are not a lot of people walking on the planet as courageous as this woman, but it is an extreme example of what is possible within each one of us. I thought about this woman before I reached out to my Ex with forgiveness in my heart. I sent a gift to my Ex and the woman my Ex left me for, which seemed to pale in comparison to this woman's story. Of course, it took me a little over a year to reach that point, and a lot of soul searching. To this day, I love my Ex with all of my heart on a platonic level. We live in two totally different cities, but still call and send each other emails on occasion as good friends.

I am also in a healthy relationship with someone I am deeply in love with. Next week will be our two year anniversary. I do not think I would be as happy and as deeply in love with this new person as I am now, had I not let go of the anger, bitterness, and resentment I once felt towards my Ex, which is another reason why forgiveness is so important.

A lot of people believe turning off your feelings for a person you once were in a romantic relationship with, or even hating them is a way to show that they are "over" the person. But I believe the exact opposite is true. When you are completely "over" a person, you really wish them nothing but the best - and you are totally detached emotionally from how they act or react. Another point to consider is the fact that love isn't real unless you loved your Ex for the person they are, not the person you wanted them to be. And just because the romantic relationship didn't work out, doesn't mean your Ex isn't a lovable person.

Rhiannon Wilkinson created Lover of Love, http://www.loveroflove.com, to inspire thousands of readers to love, just for the sake of loving. Read hundreds of articles, quotations and poetry about the SEVEN different forms of love. Visit http://www.loveroflove.com for more details.

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Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/dating-articles/how-to-get-over-your-ex-20231.html

Article Tags: Coaching, Personal Development, Relationship Advice

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Who Do You Love the Most

1. koala (23:57, 13.08.2008)

this article makes so much sense, i was going out with a beutiful girl for 6 months and dumped her because of what my friends were saying to me about her promiscuity before our relationship which was always at the back of mind, and one night she supposidly kissed one of my friends, all of the things i was told turned out to be mere gossip and unfair on her, i should have just trusted her, i miss her now so much and cant stop thinking about her, she wont get back with me, its hard to move on, shes 20 im 23

2. Jessica (23:45, 14.03.2008)

My ex left me for his babys mother and the day that happen I wanted to just die. It hurted to bad, readind this just brightened up my life. THANKS

3. gary (22:41, 09.12.2008)

wow very powerful words i stil love my wife but she dosn't want me cos i was drunk one night and was looking at porn it has being nearly 4 months now and iam still crying and praying for forgivness i do like a drink but am sorting my self out i had it all she is now living in our house and i am in a flat without heating paying her bills and mine i feel like ending it all after 30 years of relative happy times 2 beautiful girls and what sould be our retierment home please forgive me i love you chrissie i cant go on much longer my life is so empty without you:(

4. Brittany (22:08, 24.07.2009)

well i dont think it will be easy for me to forget ever single good memory i had with him....Lets just say when i first met him . I never knew he liked me so much as i do now .. I really really didnt like him . Because i thought he was ugly as hell . But i gave him a chance . Yeah i regreted giving him a kiss the first time . But As soon as he started to show how much care and love and sillyness with each other .. I fell in love..I feel in love with his personality completely. He took my virginity and we also had little bears that we supposidly were going to parents of of real children . That was a paridise that i have never found in years. It is quite hard for me to forget all of that .. Because he was the only guy i went quite far with.He lives a short distance from me . In richmond and i live in san francisco. We visted each other as much as we possilbly could , but ...I guess he stopped all the sudden . And those lonely nights where i asked him "When are you going to come see me again" He'd always replied " I dont know .." Soon after we didnt have arguments but .. It got to a point were i broke my phone in half. I couldnt take how he was acting to me anymore. He didnt laugh to my jokes anymore, It made me feel stupid, He didnt say i miss you ..and our little bears too .. He didnt even say i love you . I cried so much. I couldnt stop wondering what was going through his mind...On fathers day was when i decided to end it.. We were talking about how each fathers day was going.. and it was good. Hah! ..His father knows how to cook italian food . Which i love , I asked if he could tach me how to make a pizza ..and he replied.."someday" , I replied back " Really?" and replied back." Maybe" Now from there on i started to cry and cry , trying to hide my face from my grandma and father. Later that night i talked to him on phone besides texting . When i broke up with him i asked him how he felt ..he said i dont know . Like usual, I i asked if he still loved me ..He said I di/ He cut him self off and said i still do .. Which was hard to believe . I've waitied a couple months for him to make up his mind to come back to me. Because it was hard going through me best friend recieveing her first boyfriend . Ijust felt so alone . I tried to move on but none of the boys had what i was hoping "he" Had. None what so ever..for 2 months of not seeing him . I saw him again . My heart raced . And ..I guess he wasnt expecting me so he musta got scared and left the place , Only for a little while . As he got back. I had to do the talking, I asked how was he .. he said he was ok that he couldnt complain . I didnt believe him . He was sweating so much hah i think because of me on him and his dad.. But the second time i really wanted to hug him . Oh how i miss even the warmth of him arpund me . He made it seem as if he missed me when he hugged tighly . But ..i tired asking him out again..And he said i dont know . I guess he was right.cause he was thining he might be the same again . My heart kept breaking and breaking. He never talked to me . He didnt look at me ..he looked away from me when i talked to him . i could not believe what i was seeing .Has he forgotten of all our sweet dreams? has he forgotten that i still cherished him?As i left i asked for one more final good-bye kiss.. he waited a long time for himself to kiss me ..But it looked as if he didnt want to do it . I could even tell his pupils were not dialated. I've seen it before with my ex's . I wanted to run ... But he finally kissed me . And he made it long . But i think it was because of the crosswalk light . He probrably wanted me to catch it right when we were done..I could tell that kiss was fake...he was different...I think now he recondmended a song to us .If you want to hear it , It's called "Let it die - by three days grace..
Please help me , I almost commited suicide not to long ago. please anyone please help me get over him

5. James (21:37, 06.05.2009)

Wow this has just helped me out

6. S.C.H (21:31, 26.08.2009)

WOW. That was deep. my ex left me because she feels like i'm 2 immature and her feelins 4 me died 4 me lesser and lesser, but tellin' me she has love 4 me as a friend then she say she still love me but we shouldn't go out until graduation and we both have a car....How da hell can she "Have love for me as a friend" but now "Still in love with me",I'm so confused cuz all i can think about sumtimes is her and what she could be doin rite now while i waste my time bein a slacker at times and not livin 2 da fullest. It's the worst pain i ever felt.

7. vanessa (21:22, 02.10.2009)

this message is for brittany...i feel ur pain, trust me when i say that you will get over him, maybe not completely, but u will be able to deal with it better and be open to have another love in your life. it took me several years before i could finally go a day without thinking of him. i still think of him, but don't feel the pain that i once felt. i will always love him.

8. d (21:20, 21.09.2008)

i thank u for this, i finished with my ex llike two months ago, but somehow i just feel something pulls me back even when there is nothing really pulling me back, 2 years for a 16 year old is a long time, and my life still feels empty without her, but my friends are a huge help, but i still feel as if im fighting a losing battle against my feelings. im happy to see you have found someone, dont let her go!

9. Nina (21:04, 03.08.2009)

Wow! This had a healing effect on me. Im glad I read this article. I was totally using the "revenge and greed" concept...but this article has helped me realize that forgiveness and love is the best way to move on. This has reminded me of many morals I owned but were eventually lost because of "emotional" abuse by certain people in my life. I'm glad this has got me on the right spot. Thanks alot.
Much love x

10. John-Paul (21:03, 09.01.2009)

This article helped me remember part of who I am, I can usually forgive anyone for anything, but somehow forgot to forgive my ex for the hurt feelings she caused me. We had a loving relationship, full of passion, and had been close friends for a long time before we started dating. Then one night at after a halloween party when she was drunk, she said something that made me think she was cheating, and a month later she dumped me saying that she wasn't attracted to me anymore, It hurt so badly, and shortly after she started dating a old friend from highschool. I may never know if she did cheat, but after this article, even if she did, I forgive her, and I do want her to be happy, and letting go of that hurt makes me feel free. I miss my ex, but more importantly, I miss the friendship we lost.

11. Kizmet (21:02, 13.06.2008)

I'm so grateful for this article. I'm dealing with a devistating loss of a lover dealing with bipolar disorder. And though he treated me horribly, I think about him everyday. I obsess about what I could have done to improve things. Its been 6 months since we've spoken and I have to find a way to accept he may never want to talk to me again. It hurts terribly, but with your suggestions I know I'll be able to get through it.

12. Yu (21:01, 08.08.2009)

I needed these exact words at this exact minute. Thank you Rhiannon.

13. The Dude (20:50, 26.11.2008)

I was having a crappy day. This helped a lot. Thank you for some perspective.

-1

14. shane (20:50, 04.01.2009)

I hope the article will help me i am 24 and my ex is 20 and we have two little girls together ,she's now left me after 4 years for a guy from her work that she has been friends with for over a year our youngest daughter anna is 3 mths old and my other daughter is 2 years i moved out a month ago and this guy now stays there every nite ,it kills me most days i cant breath ,im trying to be a nice guy and be friends with them but it doesnt seem like they want too,she wont even let me meet him .she still comes over just to sleep with me and then leaves,i know i shouldnt do that but i love her so much and dont want anyone else,but she is so mentally scared from her childhood i know it will never work but i continue to try i hope god will give me the strength to get over her .

15. A. M. L. (20:36, 13.05.2009)

My ex is one of the most just, compassionate, and admirable people that I have ever met. I still love him, but he moved on. I was so distraught about losing him that it helped to wear me down and burn me out; in a matter of weeks as our relationship situation worsened, I became ill and had a serious, clinical nervous breakdown that led to a big fight over a misunderstanding. We did talk calmly afterward, but it was too late to say my own peace. It was the only chance to talk, and I did not use it. I've spent the four years since I have seen him wishing I could have done something differently to save what we had. Deep in my heart, I know there is nothing to do but move on. It seems impossible to do for me, most of the time. And yet I know that sooner or later, it will have to be done. Unfortunately, I am traumatized with the past and everyone and everything that took part in it. I replay any memory in the storehouse of my mind that I can find, over and over again. Every day, every hour. It's torture to live this way. I do not contact him in any way, I have the certainty that he does not want anything to do with me. Maybe he even pities me, by being cordial and sending me a "happy birthday" email, but nothing else. Thanks to your article, I have hope that I will forgive myself, and all the things that led up to such a bad and unfair ending. What happened was tragic, in a way, because it was not my fault and we didn't have time to set things straight. He left soon after for another country. And I had to deal with my illness for the first 2 years of 4. One day I will be truly happy for him , for his having a new life. I will start praying for him today, and for all the people who hated me and were happy to see me suffer, until I am myself again, until I can love myself for who I am, regardless of the past. It is sad to say, but these four years I have lost myself completely. I am almost dead from sadness, pain, regret, and loss, and the weakening that an traumatic obsession of this kind causes. I have almost no idea about who I really am, I am my own worst enemy at the moment. But right now, I know that beneath the destruction, I will emerge one day, and be myself again. Thank you for your wisdom and for sharing this advice. I believe it has helped us all.

16. C (19:44, 25.01.2009)

This is amazing.. thank you soo much.. You've really made me realise that what im doing and how ive responded is the best thing i can could have dont.. its made me alot strong and youve helped me realise that.. !!! with blessings.x

17. Angel (19:37, 29.07.2009)

This is a very smart approach to getting over an ex. But what do you do when this ex turns out to be working in the cube next door. Givin her the power of parading in front of you all day, every day. Forcing you to hear every little conversation with the new person in her life, all their vacation plans and most recently wedding plans. How do you dis associate from that?

18. P (19:32, 01.08.2008)

I loved this article. My ex is a beautiful, kind person. He made mistakes and I have forgiven him. Friends believe I am wrong to do so, but I can't see him as being a bad person. He may not have been right to do what he did but he has a lot going on and is young exposed to pressures. In short, I loved your article. I do pray for him, I believe he will be a successful person. Human nature's greed creeps up and I start doing things to get him back. But overall I do just wish the best for him and simply enjoy in his presence in my life.

19. L. (19:04, 22.02.2009)

this did not help me at all.

it's been nine months, so I don't think anything will.

20. polite (18:40, 19.08.2009)

i just cant stop thinking of her

21. david (18:23, 04.07.2008)

Great Article. I'm not even divorced yet. I'm currently in Iraq and two weeks ago I found out my wife was cheating on me since I have been gone. I have been sick to my stomach and going through what everyone else goes throgh during those times. This article really opened my eyes. The saying, love isn't real unless you loved your ex for the person they are, not the person that you wanted them to be. That saying makes so much sense. Both of us wanted to change each other so much, but either one of us didn't want to change. That used to put a lot of strain in our marriage. Plus she was much younger than I am so our perspective in life was much different. I want to thank you for writing this article I'm still hurt but after reading the article I have a new revelation. I'm not much of a prayer but I think I will start forgiving her. That would be the ultimate payback. Besides, I always say treat others the way you want to be treated.

22. Charity (18:11, 15.09.2009)

this message is very inspiring to mi cuz i have not fully gotten over him and it has been a bad toll on mi. Today at school i herd he was going out wit dis chick but i didnt care and when i finally saw them walkin together and just their expression it hit mi very hard. i cried and i know i shouldn't have but i got to go to mi next class please e-mail mi @ charityluvsfatgurl2@yahoo.com. thank you i loved ur advise!

23. BEE (18:02, 07.06.2009)

This is a great article. It has been over three years since my ex and I parted ways. At first I thought something was wrong with me because I still loved my ex but your article has put things in another perspective. Ive also realized what was hindering me in the process of letting him go.....I took things personally....he remained in contact with his ex-girlfriend but he no longer wanted anything to do with me ( and they both cheated on him, I didnt) so i thought he must have never really loved me to begin with...and to this day, im still not sure but...but the point is I took it to heart as something being wrong with me and trying to fix it so he'll love me..step one is vital to get over any relationship...it takes some longer to forgive, and in my case, an eternity but it is possible and the old saying is true " time heals all wounds" Ive learned alot in three years of obsessing over my ex ...Ive learned that while obessing, it makes it near impossible to form a healthy relationship with someone else and that its impossible to work on yourself when obsessive over someone else. Again, great article...thanks for the insight!

24. reneisha (18:00, 30.08.2008)

this was so encouraging to e i am so dissapointed with myself because for years i was miserable and wanted out becasue my ex wasnt willing to grow up and be a team or be ione. now that we have broken up its been like 4 months my feelings are starting to come back and i miss him at first i was so mean to him and didnt care about where our relationship would go but now i admitt i wish i had never left but i wouldnt be happy like i have been without the arguments and stress but he is so different and i dont knoe if he is afraid of my actions of leaving but he thinks hes so much better and enjoys the fact that i miss him emotionally meaning like he's sarcastic towards me in ways ive never seen we been together for 5.5 years but he's so called involved with someone ALREADY and i need encouragement to move on and find myself again.

25. Amber (18:00, 12.01.2009)

thank you for your advice. me and my ex broke up about three months ago i prayed for god to bring him back and just a week ago i sent him a text that said i really wanted to see him so we met up even though he had a different idea about what we were going to do i told him i just wanted to talk so we talked and lost track of time it was midnight before i left he told me he was glad that we didnt do anything because he was wanting to get close to god. we talked that whole week then he told me that he missed me and was praying that i was the one god wanted him to be with then just yesturday after the whole week of talking he told me that he thought we shouldnt date in the future because he thought something would happen wrong. i was so mad at him i told him i hated him that he was a lier and a pig that he wasnt good enough for me..... then night time came and i fell alseep and had a nightmare about it i woke up and felt like there was a hole in my stomach i then texted him saying that i was sorry for what i said and if i hurt him he never text back hopefully he will forgive me. i told him i forgave him for what he did

26. Florencia (17:41, 02.10.2008)

I have a comment regarding the part where u said, 'even if you don't believe in God, pray anyways,' pray to who? You pray to God because he will walk you through the hard times, but if you pray just to pray, then you are really talking to yourself, and lying to yourself. I think your advice was great, but when it comes down to it, you should never ever love anyone more than God and yourself, and love nobody who doesn't feel the same. If you are happy alone, it will be very easy to let go of anything and anyone who gives you nothing but true happiness. God says whatever comes from him will bring no pain, so we need to learn to tell whats from God, and what's worldly.

27. yaniris (17:32, 03.05.2009)

this a very helpful advice. The part that help me the most is i should love my ex for the who he is not for what i want him to be. An you right forgiveness is the key?

28. hehe (17:23, 22.09.2008)

thank you so much for this article...
i think what you wrote is so very true...
thank you.

29. lizz (17:21, 13.11.2008)

I'v been trying to get over my ex, but its so hard because he goes to my school and he is there and when i try to get over him i just feel like i can't do it i try to be his friend he wont talk to me i asked him to forgive me for cusing at him, but he never did. i go to sleep everynight hopin that when i wake up he would want me back but when i see the things he said to me when we broke up i think twice and that he would never take me back i guess i will just have to take one step at a time to get over my ex.

-1

30. coleen suffield (17:20, 06.09.2008)

that was written just for me

31. royboyv (17:17, 05.02.2009)

This is a very well thought out article, it hit a point I never thought about "resentment". I don't pray, the thought of prayer is enlightening in this case, the only book I have attempted to read that helped for a period of time was (beginners mind to zen). I feel I don't need to pray for my ex she seems to be doing very well in all aspects of her life, the resentment I do have is she doesn't want me back, wich in turn builds hate for her. So I will pray so I will not have resentment towards her because I love her and she deserves everything joys of life have to offer, as I do to. I been writing a few blogs on myspace about life situations lately, it takes thee edge off for me also, look me up royboyv.

32. queen b (16:49, 08.05.2009)

THis advice really helped me. me and my bf just broke up and it is so hard to move on because i'm so use to being with him. I been trying your advice and it is working. I think about him but not so much. just like friends. We still talk and text each other. He told me he is trying to work it out now. I hope things will work out. if not than i know that we were not meant to be. but thank you for this very helpful advice.

-queen b

33. Thomas (16:37, 28.04.2009)

That is great advice but it's hard telling yourself that it's over, me and my girl been living together and now we have to go our separate ways it drives me crazy thinking she will have sex with other people but I can't do anything about it.

34. Dylan (16:09, 03.07.2009)

This is what I needed. She broke up with me and we want to be friends but she seems so detached it kills me, and I became the blamer, even though I've told her and I know in my heart I don't think of her that way. I have taken this so personally for all the time I put into her and understand I can't hold it against her, no matter how discarded I feel.

I am already dying, so I suppose it's time to finally meet death.

Thank you. I'm going to pray for her right now. It will be a bit easier since I still love her.

35. kay (15:58, 17.09.2008)

i just want to say this article has inspired me, not only to forgive but to find myself. I was in a relationship with a guy for seven years whom i worked with also. I found out he was dating my coworker. he finally admitted that they were together. It was very hard for me to forgive him but i did eventually. Even now when i see them at my work together, i feel so hurt but God knows what's best for me and why he did it. So i wont complain cause everything happens for a reason. I wish them all the best!

36. SloNeZ (15:56, 20.08.2009)

I read this, and I agree with most of it.. It's good we come to grips/handles with things.. Not one of us would be here reading this if we weren't hurt.. Thankyou for the insight. It was very informative !!

37. Anita McCants (15:52, 27.05.2009)

Great Article!
Great point!...
"...love isn't real unless you loved your Ex for the person they are, not the person you wanted them to be."...

38. Raylac (15:51, 28.08.2009)

Thanks for the heartwarming insights , I fell in love with this woman and changed my life and took her for what she was , but she only can do so much in our relationship, she has a daughter and a husband who doesn't care. She broke off with me inorder to give priority to her daughter .
It almost killed me emotionally, crushed my heart , but i had to step aside , inorder for her to solve her personal issues. It's really difficult to let someone go and realized you've found the right person you've been looking for but in a wrong time.

39. Tammi Stephen (15:43, 31.12.2008)

My ex has his new girlfriend calling me and telling me all sots of nasty things!! This article has really opened my mind cause I've realized that the only reason he's doing that is because he's just as hurt as I am!! That's made me hate him alot less and has helped to ease some of my own frustration!! My only hope is that he realizes how foolish it is to get with someone who is immature enough to stoop to those levels by calling his exes...that's definitely NOT something I did when we were together!! I don't know about him but I have grown from our relationship... I now know what I don't want in a man and I must say I thank him deep inside for opening my eyes!!!

40. wowy (14:43, 24.04.2008)

My old girlfriend left me because summer is here and she wants to go out drinking, come and go as she pleases, and be "free". Im sorry you just dont tell somebody that after 9 months. Its selfish and makes me sick.

41. Jadan (14:42, 26.08.2009)

My fiance broke up with me after 4 years, he stated that he doesn't know who he is and thats a bunch of bullshit, summer is here and he wants to be single, u just don't end things after 4 yrs just like that. Like i wasn't shit. This article really helped me bc i was thinking some hateful things

42. Julia (14:38, 15.06.2009)

i ended a relationship after 2 years and 7 months... this person has not cheated on me physically but emotionally which I believe hurts more and takes longer to heal. this is pretty fresh so i myt start crying but this article means a lot and is making me think of changing my ways towards this person with regard to resentment etc thank you

43. ke (14:08, 28.06.2009)

hey guys can u help me out well its been 4 months and since me and my ex broke up and we were going out for 10 months any way alot of things happened but this last recent thing he did really pissed me off well i found out he had sex with a random aka slut for his first time like one month after we broke up but i just found out last weeek and it really hurt me but i ddint say much and i told him to never to talk to me again because to me that sounds disgusting and doesnt sound like he repect his self.. but any ways do you reakon that was a good idea to tell him to liike get out of my life or? like everytime i saw him i always acted happy and always sed hello first ,but now i dont want to give him my time of day..that makes me disgused what he did. please reply i need advice any one

44. jackie (14:06, 01.10.2008)

Diz wuz realy great!i loved all the advice.i realy got a lot frm it.ima use it against ma x now.

45. jackie (14:05, 01.10.2008)

Diz wuz realy great!i loved all the advice.i realy got a lot frm it.ima use it against ma x now.

46. Lucy (14:03, 24.06.2009)

Love this article really make me realize that when you are young you may have a lot of heartbreaks but times heals everything; forgiveness takes time but somehow we do althought for some time we hated that person ; with time we will be wishing him the best ; hate someone doesn`t hurt someone else than yourself ; Sometimes we wonder if this person that hurt us will be hurt as much as we do , this are things we can`t control everything is this life is like a mirror what you give is what you receive back is like karma. For all of you who reads this article open your heart to new experience and to new love may come ;for all of us god have a soulmate.

47. Nancy (13:40, 15.09.2008)

this helped me alil' my ex. fiancee decided to leave me after 4yrs of going out. I can't even begin to explain how i feel. I feel lost, confused and ugly!!. He left me because i'm "fat,unattractive,and he doesnt love me anymore" Which i can't understand how someone can fall out of love so fast! Now i wonder if love ever is real? Why do we hurt so much after someone we love leaves for whatever reason?. I'm 20 i'm young, but somehow forever with him...made sense i was happy!! Truly deep down!!!. I just know that i have so much more to offer for someone thats worth having my love and someone who just wants me FOR ME!!!!!!!

48. Chatgun (13:00, 02.09.2009)

What a wonderful article! Great!

49. Thandeka (12:51, 26.08.2009)

2ru dat...those are powerful words. I had this problem of regression in breaking with my ex, i once felt that i made the biggest mistake in breaking with him. But after reading this, now it's totally vivid 4 me that i was just dwelling too much on the past instead of focusing on the future. I've 4given him but i haven't forgotten the excruciating pain that he put me through. I believe that forgiveness is the key to action and freedom, and plus life is too short...grudges are a waste of perfect happiness. THANX!!!

50. reneisha (12:45, 05.09.2008)

I just want to say that this article couldn\'t have been the best thing that I have come across in a long time. I was so worried that I was the only one in this situation and was afraid to reach out and fing answers from another person. However I now see that- that is not the case and there are other people that have the same situations. Some may have it harder than others and some may find strength to let it all pass, and for those who do have that special ability I just want to give you praise and award you for allowing yourself to do so. To stay aware of your relationship experience and use it to learn and focus on your future. For those of you like me who are just torn up by some decisions that you have made and can\'t even imagine where to begin, I want you to know that you are in my prayers, because it is harder that ever to regain happiness and confidence that you might have lost over the course of your relationship. Start finding yourself by daily happiness and eventually for all of us things will get better sooner than we can believe, and when it does just be the best you can be and stronger than ever. Forgive and forget and you will be amazed of the power you have over your own soul. Thanks

51. Aiman (12:37, 07.09.2009)

trying to forget someone you love is like trying to remember someone you never knew...

52. jason (12:35, 07.09.2009)

KOALA my kind advice to u is please leave that gal..nd find out another gud girl ,,,gals are all over the world..u can get one of them..dont worry..THERE IS one ROCK FOE EVERY FISH THATS LIVE IN THE SEA

53. exgal of ex boyfriend (12:31, 07.09.2009)

I try this methods..but it dosenot work

54. RAC (12:24, 17.05.2009)

Thank you for writing this I had really been obsessing and I just needed a little inspiration, I will put each step to use and make it a daily routine.

55. Ravi (12:20, 12.11.2008)

Lovely article....encapsulates all I have in my heart. Going through a break-up currently and it is painful, no doubts! But I am sure I will come out of it. I am confident that I would still be friends with my ex. I wish her nothing but the best in life.

56. Erin (11:51, 29.05.2009)

Wow..those words made too much sense. It's time to move on from complusive thinking and find forgivness within myself. Somewhere between Step 5 and infinity...

57. qwert (10:55, 23.07.2008)

Great piece of writing! Reading this reminded me of how much stress was lifted off me during the time my first long relationship (4 yrs) had ended. I could certainly say it was when i replaced the anger and bitterness which was just devouring me from within, to a state of forgiveness, did the healing process really take off.

58. louise (10:53, 03.03.2009)

i had been with my ex for just over a year, he was my best friend and the man i wanted to spend the rest of my life with. he just came back 1 day after going out and said i dont love you anymore. we live together still im the same house but different bedrooms. he text me a couple of days later saying we will sort all this out in time. he messed me about so much and treated me like a door mat. but no matter what he did to me i loved him and still do. i cant see a way of getting over him, he was my life. still is even. i am going to follow this step by step and see where it leads me. i hope it is to a better place than i am at now.

59. Boo (10:50, 05.11.2009)

me n my ex have a wonderful 2 years 7 months relationship..few days be4 the brokeup.
we were having dinner n i bought her a present for our 7 months anny..few days later
she say she wanted a breakup...i was like WHAT?i ask her why she wanted a breakup..she
said she wanted a single life...then she dun wan 2 get 2 involve in2 the relationship..
then i told her..isnt that what a relationship is all abt..getting 2 know each other more..and then she nvr reply back 2 me...soon after that i found out that inside her facebook, there was a guy holding her from behind and they were smilling..im like WAT??
Until now i dun understand her..she said she wanted a single life bt then she got another guy..she played timer with me or maybe the guy psycho her into breaking up with me..until now im still angry and sad...this article..yea it helps me bt then alot of question inside my head...bt yea...maybe shes not the one... :)

60. CHRIS STAFF (10:35, 19.04.2008)

I was in an emotional blackmale relationship, when she walked out it hurt real bad, she sent me broke. I just read your page, but its so hard to make it work. She blamed me for everything.
Im glad I got out it before we had kids or bought a house together.

61. gill (09:21, 23.06.2009)

hi,
ive just read this an its helped im feelin very low right now ive just split wit my fiance after 4yrs an a 2yr old daughter.....i love him completely an for 3yrs we were happy alto he did alot of childish hurtful things he waz very kind an generous an lovin also...but in the last yr my parents divorced after nearly 30yrs of marraige my mother met some 1 new an left my dad.....3wks later my old school friend killed himself an den me an my partner split so im havin a hard time dealin wit it all an i feel my whole world has been turned upside down an i feel very abandoned by my partner in de hardest part of my life yet......ur artical has made me feel more positive an im gonna log on an read it every time i feel down thanks x

62. carlos (09:18, 24.12.2008)

This article is yet simple but very detailed in a way that you start to think in a positive way in order to move on very nice article I hope that i will overcome my negative thinking of blaming myself because the relatioship didnt work

63. Mikey (09:08, 10.02.2009)

It is so easy to turn to hate in the hope that it will overcome your grief and help you...but i dont think it does - not in the long run
I dont know if i can find the strength or courage to forgive, and pray for my Ex...but i know that sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same...and because of this article, i will try...thank you =D

64. Ryan (08:23, 15.07.2009)

My ex told me she doesnt love me anymore but i still love her more then anything, i wouldent trade her for anything in the world. She was allways worryed about me using her for sex but i would never do that. and now she wants to go out and do "stuff" with other guys, all they want is to get their dick wet. My old best friend was feeling her boobs and stuff one night. if i see him he better watch out. I love her to much to let her go. she was the only thing i did things with (socially) If i was at school id be with her. If i was at home id be talking to her on the phone or over the net, or i would be at her house or she would be at mine, Or i would be at work and she would have the same shift as me. I just want her back :(

65. Brandy (08:17, 15.09.2009)

Wow, reading this article really inspired me... I am struggling to get over my stbxh of 10 years. We have been seperated for almost 6 months and I wish I could be as emotionally detached from him as he is from me. I will definitely take all the steps in your article and remember the most important one, forgiveness.

66. Liz (08:08, 28.01.2008)

My boyfriend recently left me for another woman. I hated them both and it was taking over my life. I read you article and have really tried to understand that it wasn't a personal attack on me and they too deserve to be happy. It still hurts seeing them around together but maybe he wasn't Mr Right after all and there's someone better out there for me.

Great article

67. jocelyn zabala (08:07, 13.05.2009)

hello to my fellow heartbroken... ive read your comments first before i did my piece. yes this article will help us a lot in mending our broken hearts and broken dreams. i am in my middle 40's now and still did experienced a situation like this one just recently. I left my husband of 23 years for a man whom i thought il be with for the remaining years of my life. By the way, ive been a good wife and a good mon at first but when our life got better finanacially, everything went bad. Me and my husband canno longer patch our differences, which leads me to leave him to evade from getting verbally and physically harmed. So i met this wonderful man and i was so happy then-i was 41. I even thanked God for giving him to me. He made my life so complete then even if we dont stay together. From that time on i was so confused and doest knw if this was the
right thing. I was so happy that i do not know that i am making the biggest mistake of mylife. For the reason that i wanted him so much in m life, that i wanted him o stay with me for the rest of my life, i made all impossible things possible in a way that i will look pretty for him so that he will not leave me- i went spending my money just to make myself presentable to him- i buy things that would make me beautiful (cos i am not really beautiful) which is crazy. Everything I did was crazy trying to be presentable to him. All I did were crappy because I know that he loves for what I am. But in my mind, i should look good so that he will not leave me. In other words, i became crazy because of my love for him. But recently everything went bad, when he notices everything i say- that he was irritable of my actions and my words which during the past, he doesnt care to correct me. From that time on i can sense that something was going wrong. That the time has come that things will change. He told me that it is better for us to go on our own ways. I was hurt so bad because its so sudden. We were so happy for 6 years and in a wink of an eye its over. At first I was hurt badly. I even texted him to help me get rid of the ache-and to alk to me just to calm me down, but to no avail, we never talk from then on. So i tried to ACCEPT what happened to our relationship. I always prayed for his benefit, that he will find his true love in the arms of a balikbayan from the US. I felt sad and at the same time happy because ive learned that he is now involved with a balikbayan woman who was his ex girlfriend. I was sad and the same time happy because I know that this woman will help him improve his life financially which I was not able to give him. By the way, my ex is not financialy stable neither do i, so i was happy for him because he was able to be with someone who can help him in his life-financailly so that he could also help his family. My ex is a great dreamer that he dream of going to the states one day - and because of this maybe his dream will come true with the help of his balikbayan gf. I am so happy because i know that my ex will be happy now for if his dreams will be fulfilled- God knows how much i love my ex- until now and what i can only only offer him is the Love I have for him . I am now moving on- and always praying that my roni will always be happy for the life he has chosen and i am so thankful that God had given me a part of his life for six years that i will treasure for the rest of my life. Now, the love I had for him before still there cos i believe in fate. I will be happy i even for one day i could see him wthout noticing me. God Bless everybody..

68. cybill (08:02, 05.08.2009)

Thank you very much for your article,,i was dating this other guy for 3 years and things did not work out for the two of us past few months we broke up and i couldnt get over it but now after reading this article i felt so much better and encouraged

69. nonhlanhla (07:48, 06.03.2009)

thank you very much i was feeling a little depressed thinking that i was wrong by withdrawing from him and cutting my losses but you have showed me that bieng with a person for five years does not mean taht you will be with them for the rest of tourlife.....thankl you sooo much

70. Girl19 (07:14, 11.06.2008)

I would just like this opportunity to thank you for writing this inspiring article. I am 19 years old and the relationship I had with my ex boyfriend was built on lies and deceit. I loved him so much but it was an unhealthy relationship because it pulled me apart from my family and friends and almost made me want to drop out of law school. I thank God that he has given me the courage to see that we were not meant to be. Very few of these advice articles give reference to prayer so I was very pleased to see your suggestions, now I feel like I can get back to my christianity.

Thank you and God bless you.

71. marie (07:01, 16.01.2008)

i have not found better advice!
what would life be like without love, and loss that is? its what makes life beautiful- we are feeling therefore we are living.

72. debbie (07:00, 13.01.2009)

i agree with this article every little thing about it.. about 6 months ago i got dumped by my boyfriend in which we have been dating for three years untill he left to michigan and came back saying he just wants to be friends untill of course i found out he wanted to move with two other room mates and be with this new girl he meet .him using the excuse as he wants to better him self and find the real him and how everyone is real in michigan. which left me devasted. i stil am. i try to pray everynight as much as possible because i believe that wil lead the hurt in the right direction. i just hope i will gert over him sometime soon their is not a minute/ hour of the day i dont think about him in which we are still friends talk but its short nothing more than that.. he says he misses me and wants me back and wants to be there but he doesnt live here and thing wouldnt change. he is 21 and im 20 and i just hate this feeling i constantly have day by day ..

73. Dennily (06:17, 20.12.2008)

The most helpful advice yet!

74. Anthony (05:47, 29.10.2009)

my ex and i just decided to call it quits about an hour ago over the phone.
we had been together for about 8 months.
she was really a good person at heart, but at times, completely crazy.
the troubling thing is the fact that she'd been thinking about leaving me long
before this happened.
she's stressing for me not to call her, which i won't because i have no desire to.
the after effects of this breakup haven't even hit me yet. i'm afraid of losing
control of myself. this article really helps alot though. not to mention seeing
all of you people in a similar situation.
i really hope she doesn't call me randomly.
then this whole cycle of crap will repeat itself all over again.
i have to let her go.
we'll both be happier that way.
i hope i don't put my walls back up again.
i tried so hard to bring them down for her and when i finally opened my heart it
got stomped on.
be strong everyone.
we can get through this.
find a good friend and go have a few laughs.
that's what i'm going to force myself to do every weekend.
maybe i'll get back into writing and working out.
being back on the market might not be such a bad thing.
i just don't want to think about her with another guy...
omg that really irks me

75. krysten (05:24, 18.06.2008)

this was everything but helpful especially the section on death. Nothing we do will be remembered? Maybe everything you do will not be remembered.

76. skylash (05:09, 19.12.2007)

beautifully written. thank you for your thoughtful approach to a difficult situation. the power of forgiveness is key.

77. Itsi (05:01, 20.09.2008)

This article really helped me cope with my breakup... I kept doing the steps for all the wrong reasons, wanting him to want me back and with the intention of being in control.. but its true ones true intentions always surface. Now Im doing it for me and truly letting go. Thank you so much

78. jessica (04:50, 18.02.2009)

i think we use the word love too loosely in our society. i cared for my ex deeply but i wasn't myself when i was with him...i couldn't even understand what love was. i was too selfish and perhaps even insecure. but i don't think i truly unconditionally loved him...it wasn't love in the pure sense. when we broke up, i brought it up and he agreed. but the next day, i called him and wanted him back but he said no. and that was a major ego bruiser...but i want to forgive him. i prayed for so long that he would want me back...just so i can either turn him down or date him for a while and dump him. i don't know. either way, i now realize that my intentions for wanting him back are selfish...and maybe a little evil. but, i want to forgive him now. i thank God for sending him into my life when he did. i've done a lot of thinking and God, if you're listening, i believe in you now. you have your own mysterious ways...but everything in the end makes sense. i felt to betrayed that i prayed every night, and nothing happened with my ex. but now i think i know better. i am a different person now because of what i went through...the desperation of wanting someone back when they don't give a shit about you. i am no longer selfish and i think i now understand what loving someone means. i never would have learned this if my ex had not come into my life. i just wish i could tell him...or have him realize somehow that i'm not the horrible person he thinks i am. i wish i could tell him that i was not myself when i was with him. and now, even thought i still struggle with my flaws, i am a different person. i cared for him deeply and my experience with him taught me so many things...but i have to learn to distinguish love from bruising of the ego. sometimes i wish he had come into my life now...now that i'm a different person. but then again, you win some you lose some. i've learned all that i can learn so that when i do meet the person i'm meant to be with, i will treat him right...and not text another guy or pick random fights cause i got bored and know that he will never leave me cause i'm like his goddess that every one wants to be with and he is so lucky to be with me and i'm dong him a favor by being his girlfriend. wow, now that i think about it, i was so immature. i admit my flaws!!! i was a bitch!! i admit it!!! but at the same time, i was heartbroken when we broke up and he didn't want me back...but i kept confusing that heartbreak/bruising of the ego with love. anyway, for those of you out there in a similar situation, just believe in the goodness of the universe, believe that there is a purpose to everything, believe in God, and most importantly, believe in YOURSELF. you might have made mistakes...but that's what makes us human. you're not perfect. neither am i. at one point, i believed that i was...and that's where the problem was.

79. Joann (04:23, 03.01.2009)

This really helped. While I don\'t think I\'m completely over him yet, just knowing that I will be and how to get there is some much needed assurance. Thank you, so much.

80. HappyGuy23 (04:04, 19.09.2009)

Thank you... I've was the cause for all her insecurity, I hated myself for being a terrible person even though I didn't offend them. I lived with these thoughts for 6 months, being their best friend, still having feelings for this person. After reading your article I realized that I have let her go, I was convincing myself that living wasn't possible without them. It is now, and I pray only the best for them. Thank you!

81. rana (04:04, 08.07.2009)

i was wt my x for 18 years and when he left me for another women i was so angry i wanted to hurt him wt my words all the time but when i saw this i realized to hurt him is to be nice as much as it hurt me oh god help me!!!!!

82. Antwanette (03:58, 26.12.2008)

My ex and I were together for nine months, that's a really long time wen your 17. When we first got together he was so insecure about everything and I didn't know why. He finally told me, after about 2months of being together, many of his previous girlfriends cheated on him. I promised him I would never do that to anyone, and I kept my word. But 3 days ago he told me he cheated on me. I was so upset, I told him I hated him and how stupid I thought he was. This article made me realize he didn't cheat on me because there was something wrong with me, which I thought, but maybe his insecurites got the best of him. Although it was unfair he could've done it because he didn't want to be deceived again like in his previous relationships. Surprisingly this is going to help me move on.

83. hidden (03:57, 29.03.2009)

Sometimes you just can't get over someone no matter how hard you try.. It been almost 13 years I have had a couple of girlfriends and in a good relationship with a beautiful daughter now, but I still can not let go of a past Girlfriend in me heart... she wasn't my first girlfriend or anythign like that...
I dream of her, I still feel love for her, I have tears from missing her still after all this time... no matter what I do.. I can not foget/let her go.. I miss her so much... I love you and I miss you so much Shelley..

-1

84. hannah (03:53, 02.10.2008)

thank you. thank you so much.

85. Crissy (03:52, 20.03.2008)

This is wonderful! I've been searching all over the internet for the answers on how to get over the resentment that I feel towards my ex for the ways that he treated me. I knew all along that he had personal issues and hurt/grief that he held inside. I have been praying for him, but I often felt that I was dumb for doing so. Now, I'm going to continue doing so in hope that he'll get everything back on track and become the wonderful person that I'm sure he really is.

86. always cauqht up (03:48, 19.06.2009)

i know how people say us younq kids don't know what love is, but some of are mature enouqh to feel this..
I was 13 & my boyfriend was 15, i broke up with him because we were fiqhtinq. But i was so in love with him. it took me nine months to qet over him. but now theres a new problem for me
& this artical helped me a qreat deal, thankx.

87. zoya85 (03:42, 21.04.2008)

this helps a lot but I feel so lost with out my ex he controlled me so much. I'm glade i am getting out of this situation. How do i stop feeling so disrespected he cheated on me several times and used me for everything i had, now i want my life back with out headaches like that. he degraded me so much over the last year I lost who i was.

88. anon. (03:42, 17.10.2008)

my first love left me for seemingly no reason. its been years and i'm still not over him. reading this article, especially the part about forgiveness, has really helped. I'll never stop loving him, but i know i can move on.

89. Elio Perez Jr (03:40, 13.10.2008)

Very interesting Read, loved the way you handled such a dificult situation, and I do firmly believe that Unless you are willing to forgive and move on you will never be ready to for another relationship

90. alexander ebora (03:22, 20.02.2008)

I am gay and I lived in with my ex for 8 months though 4 months pass I still cant forget him. He was the one who said its over though after we broke up he text me and emailed me that he misses me and he wants to be back. But he did not pursue his intention which makes me feel tired and still vulnerable. I emailed him back and I gave the tentative date, Im letting him go after all, I want to be happy without him- if he really wants me..he will get me as soon as possible. We both deserves happiness and I know I can be happy without him..I think thats the key to all break up relationship- find your own happiness without your ex.. soon well see that.

91. Me (03:20, 24.07.2009)

This article is so true. I broke up with my ex over 2 years ago and we were together for 8 years, since we were 14. It was the fairytale high school relationship that i KNEW would last forever. That is until, we both changed, and I grew up. I can no longer blame him for what went wrong, he is who he is, and I am who I am. I have been dating an older guy now for 2 years, whom I absolutely adore and love. He is everything I ever wanted and so much more. He supports me like nothing I had ever seen before. All i knew were tears before him, and begging for more in a relaionship. Now i have a relationship, and a real one. He's not perfect, but he may be perfect for me. I have been taking things slow these past two years, allowing myself time to adjust and regroup when needed, and he is always there, no matter what. He has helped me. I don't think of him as a rebound, but as someone too good to pass up on that will support me emotionally through anything for the rest of my life. I am positive we will end up together, but ask me 2 years ago, and my life plan was entirely different. Its crazy how things change in the blink of an eye, but thats what makes life an exciting ride, not knowing how the end will be. I think of my ex often, and am sometimes haunted in my thoughts and in my dreams, and I don't want to be. Moving on is a decision, and I made that a long time ago. I have an amazing man, and I owe him all of the love he deserves. I find myself letting go more and more over time. Some days are easier than others but I always bounce right back into relaity, knowing that where I was a few years back, wasn't good or meant to be. It was so hard for me because that ex was all I knew.I am still working toward dealing with the pain of our breakup, as it hurt both of us so much, but we both knew it was right. I wish everyone strength and courage to get through their hard times in a breakup, no one said they'd be easy, and damn does it hurt. And when you think about it 2 1/2 years later, it still hurts, even if your over that person and with someone knew. But somewhere deep inside, must continue to press on and be the fabulous you that makes other important people in your life happy. People that appreciate you and love you for who you are. Be strong and know that everything in life works out the way it is meant to be! Something or someone better for you will always come along, you just have to open your heart to them and the adventure that they bring along with them!

92. Melissa Harris (03:14, 20.09.2009)

Thank you for sharing. I found this very interesting to read and it has helped me dearly.

93. Luke (03:08, 07.02.2009)

Wow...

My ex and I were together for 2 1/2 years, engaged for 1 of them. She left me after I kicked her out of the house, and I regret that decision to this day. We hadn't been single for two weeks until I discovered she had already started a relationship with a close friend of mine.

I never wished for any of this to happen. Clearly, she didn't love me as much as I love her. Your article is very well written and has helped me move on a little.

Thank you for taking the time to write it.

94. Ralph (03:05, 29.06.2009)

We never had a big argument in 61 yrs of marrige she was my wife ,my friend my everything . She took care if everything finances etc so when it comes to do it yourself you are lost completely .What i I want to get across is never ever take them for granted .Maby that will help someone.

95. natalie (03:04, 07.02.2009)

I found your article and i cant say how much it has given me peace of mind. God bless you!

96. sol (02:34, 13.01.2009)

this truely was an inspiring few methods of living and letting live especially with the praying part.
ive recently split up with the girl i was with after a 4 year relationship.ime almost 22 now and feel like theres no hope or point to do anything with myself as ime so used to always doin it with her.we mutually decided to break up a few months ago n stay frends which worked out great but recently wen i was away visiting family she went cold hearted and blamed me for everything that went wrong which caught me off guard and had me baffled.lots of words were exchanged that hurt but in the end i had to tell myself she doesnt love me nemore.ime making the same mistake of blaming myself n giving in to all da fings she sed,but after reading this article it has really helped me realise that its not anyones fault,it just wasnt meant to be.its true,love isnt about changing someone for how u want them - it should be unconditional.praying is probably the first thing i am gonna do. thank you

97. brandy (02:33, 28.05.2008)

i am so glad that i found this, i am so bitter towards my ex that it is consumeing my life i am not able to have new relationships and all i want is for him to hurt like me but this lady is right i need to pray for him everyday and i need to forgive him i think once i accomplish this i will be able to move on with my life. it is so hard when you think you found the person u thought u were going to spend the rest of your life with and they turn out to be a complete jerk or everything they ever said to you was a lie it can almost kill your spirit but i am in the process we have only been broke up for two months so i still have time to work on getting over this.

98. Litulmegs (02:06, 25.08.2009)

This article helped me a lot, i'm 20 years old and my boyfriend of 2 1/2 years and I ended it around 3 months ago. I've been having a really hard time dealing with this because we lived together and he was my very best friend. During the last three months he did come back once and we tried to be together again..he ended up leaving again and telling me his mom and him didn't think it was a good idea for us to talk anymore because he needs to concentrate on school, since he's about to get kicked out of college. I do understand this but am still just extremely mad at him for being so selfish and changing so much. This article gave me a different point of view to look at and i really do still love him and wish him all the success in the world. Thanks for the advice! best i've read exp the death part..it really won't matter when we are all dead haha!

99. ... (01:49, 01.04.2009)

i get what you guys are saying. it been almost 3 three know since me and my ex broke up.. but it seems like i cant get over him. i go to school with him, and it seems like he likes me, he firts with me,but maybe its just mixed messages all but then it just turns out he going out with someone new. i wouldnt say i was in love with him but i really did like him alot its hurt for me to see him know but i guess i well take it one step at a time to get over him.

100. melinda (01:47, 21.12.2008)

thans for this article i was feeling hopeless and suicidal over a loser who cheats on his new girlfriend now..i dont need him...i deserve happiness

101. Eleni (01:35, 17.02.2009)

My ex and I are good friends; I don't think I ever felt any hate or resentment towards him though. We went out twice and almost went out a third time but we both agreed it'd be best to stay friends so we wouldn't end up hating each other. I still love him, and I wish him the best. He's now in love with another girl and very happy. I'm happy for him too and I love seeing him smile but at the same time I can never stop thinking about him or wishing we could be together. It hurts when I see them together because it reminds me of us back then. But I’m still glad he’s happy I just want to be happy too. Like I mentioned before we are very good friends and I'm not sure he knows that I still feel this way about him, and I want it to stay that way. I want to be able to only love him as a good friend and get over all of my obsessive thoughts of him.

102. jessica (01:23, 19.07.2008)

This article is amazing! My ex, (also the father of my child) is struggling with his emotions during this time. We've only recently ended our three year stint, and it just pinpoints all the key steps to not only getting over an ex, but remaining friends as well. We sat down and read this together. I hope this affects him as much as it made an impact with me.

103. Lana (01:12, 15.10.2008)

Wow, I am so hurt and am aching because of the mental abuse my ex put me through because of his jelaousy and mistrust. I am trying to come to terms why he is now ignoring me and doing everything to pretend like he never ever cared for me. Reading through this has really opened my eyes that I am a good person and not what he is trying to make me look like. I will definitely read this article every time I feel down. Thank you so much for posting this.

104. Sheri (01:06, 14.10.2008)

At least when your boyfriend leaves for another woman you know that he had just found something better. When there is noone else involved that really means that the problem was just with you. Nice steps to lose resentment, but I think it must be acknowledged that sometimes the wounds go too deep for band-aids to heal.

105. adrienne d. (00:58, 24.07.2009)

its been 8 months since my boy friend and i have broken up,
all my friends talked about him so, trying to relive myself of him, i stopped talking to them,
its the summer so i could just say that my phone was off.
i feel gross inside,
its kind of feels like it happened a few weeks ago?
i have felt the same way for a long time,
depressed, sick, and i think about him all of the time none stop,
i tried every thing,
letting it all out,
but there wasnt an all,
there wasnt enough water in my body for an "all".
h e s moved on a long time ago,
new girl friends come and go, like it wasnt a big deal,
and me,
n o one
when i think i of love i think of him,
its unhealthy,
and i cant talk to any one about it, because its dumb to talk about it 8 months later,
then i talked to him and i told him how i felt and then he said he felt the same,
then a rumor went around about us,
he freaked out and now he hates me,
for no reason....
i dont know what to do please help

106. zaf (00:55, 20.12.2008)

Thank you for putting such a fair and balanced perspective on such a tumultuous issue. I realized while reading your article why it seems I never can escape the 'gravitational pull' of my Ex and the drama: I am trying to rationalize an emotional event. I used to pray for him, but I was never sure if that was the right thing to do...or perhaps I wasn't ready to really be free of the mental static associated with trying to pick over every detail of our failed relationship.
Either way, this article has given me hope that one day I can be free of the baggage, and happy with who I am destined to become.
Thank you for that.

107. Jfo (00:43, 07.07.2009)

Your article seemed to have a lot of valid points and was very helpful. I am in the sixth month of my break up after a six year relationship and I am just now getting to the point of any kind of positive movement towards being happy. I think it's very important to realize that, just like every relationship, every person is different and some of these steps might not be realistic. As perfect as it all sounds on paper, we are still creatures of habbit and emotion, so it's important to find your own steps based on these idealistic steps. I found that creative outlet, such as writting music about all the good and bad emotions I have been feeling really helped me. I wish the best to everyone and remember that revenge and manipulation will only bring you back to step one.

108. ruben (00:34, 19.02.2008)

My wife for 7 yrs left me , our relationship was turnning rough any way but i have two kids with her. i love my children and she just told me that she with another man living with him and my kids.. is hard for me to accept this and the environment that she puts my kid in..i really feel for the women and is hard for me to let her go .. but in my mind i know that is time to move on.. im really just havin a hard time understanding why she made the decision she made.. i really thought that i was a provider and a good husband it seems like now that im alone is hard for me to get my power back to take over my life and move forward.. im hoping things will pick up because i cant stand to be alone...

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