How to Make Friends: Become a Chameleon

When you first meet someone, they immediately begin to make a decision as to whether or not they like you based on a number of different attributes.

One of the attributes that they evaluate you on is your personality you present. Notice that I didn't say the personality that you have, but the personality that you present.

After all, you could have the most obnoxious personality on the planet (and it may be the case), but if when you meet someone, you display a very personable and agreeable personality, they will evaluate you on the personality you display or show them.

Even if others have prejudiced them against you, by presenting an agreeable personality and winning them over, they will be forced to say that in their experience, you actually have a great personality.

The personality that you display is an essential part of neutralizing the "fight or flight" response that every individual experiences when they meet someone new.

With this in mind, you can see why it is important to display the right personality to the right person at the right time.

So that all makes sense, but what is the right personality to display? The right personality to display is the one that mirrors the personality of the person you are trying to meet.

For example, if the person who you're approaching is shy and soft spoken, you do not want to approach them in an "over the top" loud and obnoxiously friendly way - you'll probably scare them.

Of course you want to approach them in a friendly and confident way, but you need to do so a calm and quiet manner, so that you become congruent with them, matching their personality type as closely as you can.

Doing this elicits a certain amount of trust and feelings of safety, as you meet them on their level and in such a way that they will be receptive of your advances.

Once you have connected with their personality, you want to try and subtly lead them into a friendly, positive state. If you can do this and make them laugh genuinely, you're set.