How to Rate a Date

We're all familiar with the jitters that lead up to a first date. We worry about what to wear, what we'll say, what he'll think of us. If one drink will give our confidence a nudge, we worry that more may push us right off our stool. This is all normal and harmless. The same can't always be said, though, of the post-date jitters.

Stressed to Impress

While it is normal to relive a date, remembering highlights and perhaps kicking yourself for something you said or did, obsessing about every little detail and berating yourself for how you behaved can be self-destructive.

It's unhealthy to overanalyze a first date to the point where you become anxious. Running through the evening over and over in your mind and focusing on what you might have done wrong or could have done differently is a useless exercise. Your sense of what makes a good impression often becomes distorted.

The more you fret about a comment you made, for instance, the more idiotic you imagine it sounding. In some sense, you stop trusting yourself. And that just makes you more anxious.

If the first date leads to a second, it's unlikely to go well if you've been hammering your own confidence. If you present yourself as wanting reassurance this early, it will scare your date away. And no man wants to be on a date with a woman who constantly puts herself down.

Read Between the Signs

Post-date anxiety says more about you than it does about the date. Constantly mulling over the way you behaved and worrying about the impression you made is usually a sign of low self-esteem. It also suggests you're attaching too much importance to other people's opinions of you. And that indicates a woman who doesn't know her own worth. Dud dates aggravate the problem because women are quick to assume it's their fault. Women tend to blame themselves rather than accept that it wasn't meant to be.

Stop It

Don't allow yourself to get caught in the trap of convincing yourself you're a bad date - and therefore becoming one. If you get home and start panicking, pick up a good book or put on some upbeat music to distract yourself. And if you need to go over the date, talk it through with a girlfriend who can temper your negativity.

It's also important to change your understanding of a first date. It's not meant to reveal whether he likes you - it's meant to reveal whether you two like each other. If it doesn't work out, it doesn't mean you failed or were rejected - it just means it wasn't meant to be.

It's hard to get things quite right on and after a first date, because we no longer have set rules to starting a relationship. Too much enthusiasm could scare him away - but so could being distant and playing hard to get, which give the impression you're not interested.

Here are some etiquette guidelines for first dates:

Ask him about himself and show genuine interest in his answers.

Don't hog the whole evening talking about yourself.

Do offer to share the bill...but don't offer to pay the entire bill.

Act naturally.

Don't pretend to be someone else or lie about yourself.

Maintain eye contact when talking to him; don't let your gaze roam around the room while he's talking to you.

Phone or SMS him within three days to thank him for a great evening.

Don't be afraid to make the first contact after the date, and don't wait too long to do it. If he blows you off at least you'll have closure and know where you stand.