How to tell if Your Date is Lying, Married or Otherwise Undesirable, Part I

Even on the first date when he said he was not married, your instincts told you something else. 

Unfortunately the statistics favor that he/she probably is.  Recent studies reveal that 45-55% of married women and 50-60% of married men engage in extramarital sex at some time or another during their relationship (Atwood & Schwartz, 2002 - Journal of Couple & Relationship Therapy).  Reports also show that the subject of marriage isn't typically discussed before an affair begins.

So if your instincts tell you something is up, listen to them.  Keep in mind if he/she is lying about being married, chances are they are lying about other things as well, and since the most important thing to look for in a potential mate (after the lust subsides) is honesty and trustworthiness, the safest idea is to do what the police do when looking for a suspect in a criminal case - eliminate them as a suspect first!

This simple checklist developed by the American Polygraph Association and the American Psychiatric Association helps you eliminate undesirable prospects by giving you clues that let you know when a person is lying.  As you are engaged in conversation, watch for certain behaviors that are often telltale signs of lying, in this case, when you bring up the question of whether he/she is married or not:

- They break eye contact and look away, especially if they look up and to the left.

- The pitch of their voice changes or they start to fidget which indicates stress levels are high.

- They hesitate when you ask typically because they are trying to think of the right thing to say.

- They turn their body away from you however slightly and often they will start to sweat.

-  They answer with an abundance of information that sounds somewhat prepared.

- Their stores are inconsistent.

- People often speak much more quickly when they are telling a lie and for some people, their face turns red.

It's Time to Run a Background Check

Start with researching whether or not your prospective date is a Registered Sex Offender.

This is easy to do and I'll provide you with a source where it is completely free: www.apscreen.com/sexoffenderregistry.htm 
Be sure to run the national search on this site as well as any counties your subject has lived in.  Remember, that not all sex offenders are registered and not every database is updated, so you want to use as many sources as you can.

Run a nationwide criminal records check next. This $10 search houses records compiled from most jurisdictions throughout the United Sates and is a great first start to determining if your date has an undesirable background.

Find out if the subject is married, divorced or is the subject of lawsuits.  Click here to read Part 2 of How to ell if Your Date is Lying (http://sweetheartchecks.com/articles/How-to-tell-if-Your-Date-is-Lying-Part 2.pdf)