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I Am Too Tough to Feel Lonely
We have that image of ourselves as tough men who are impervious to pain or the frailties of the human heart. Maybe it is the superhero myth that we all buy into, but it can be quite hard to live up to the idea that we, as men, do not have emotional needs. What we do instead is suppress what we are feeling. Needs for companionship, to be accepted and cared for, for someone to understand us and give us compassion when life hurts us, are all very real. If we successfully suppress the hurt, it will crop up in other parts of our lives in strange and damaging ways. Moreover, it isnt healthy for our love lives when we push down the human side of having emotional needs. The women in our lives are much better at being in touch with their softer, emotional sides and expressing them. But the secret that we do not always recognize is that they are looking for men who can cope with their emotional needs and be open and able to communicate those needs with the women they care for. If we can get ourselves to the point that we can openly share what we are feeling, that touches the heart of the women we desire and creates a bond that is a strong romantic connection with our lovers. Loneliness seems to be a feeling that crops up at the most inopportune times. We really do not like it because we think, Only losers feel lonely. But feeling lonely and needy for others is a common human emotion that all people young or old, male or female feel. And sometimes we feel it quite urgently. So what is loneliness and how can we cope with it and use it to make us better people? Loneliness is to the emotional system what hunger is to our body. In hunger, we feel the urgent need for food, for substance and to be filled. We can become desperate if the hunger goes on too long and our search for food will become overpowering and all consuming. Loneliness is the need for human contact. That contact takes on many forms. – The need for conversation, to talk to others and open up your emotions to someone who cares for you. – The need to see the face of someone who has love and concern in her eyes for you. We need to look into her eyes, see her smile, the beauty of her skin, her hair. All of these things are almost spiritual needs that we feel deep inside. – The need to be touched, held, caressed, and to have the physical comfort of a loved one. – The need to play, to discuss, and to generally be in the company of groups of people and enjoy the interplay of personalities that occurs when groups of people just like us are together and socializing. Loneliness can express itself in a lot of ways. It can become a depression or express itself in a feeling of wanting to show off or be funny with someone. The important thing is we find healthy ways of coping with it. Too often people resort to unhealthy substitutes like alcohol or the internet to substitute for the real human relationships you need. So when you feel that sensation of loneliness, there are a couple things that you can do that will be the right thing to do to get to where you have the human contact you need. – Start making plans for your next outing. Maybe go shopping for some new clothes or just get in a car and go to a club or event where you can be with people. – Write a letter to someone you miss a great deal. In that way, the loneliness is driving you closer to someone and that is the healthy outcome of the need. – Call a friend or a girl you wish to get to know. Call her just to talk. You will be amazed at how effective this is with women. Be ready to talk about your feelings and your needs with her. Women love to have men open up to them, and you will feel the bonding beginning to occur. The result will be that your loneliness will create a greater connection with the girl you admire and want to know better, thus making you a stronger, better connected person rather than a lonely one. It takes courage not to wallow in self-pity or resort to unhealthy alternatives. Internet chat or pornography sometimes seem to fill the need but, in truth, they do not; they only retard you from taking the healthy steps toward real, satisfying relationships we discussed above. So before you even consider those alternatives, as easy as they are to get to, push yourself out the door or to the phone to make real human connections. Those are the only ones that will fill that void in your heart permanently and satisfy that hunger for human comfort and company that is the only true cure for loneliness.
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