Is Your Boyfriend Emotionally Abusive?

No woman in her right frame of mind would ever want to have a boyfriend possessed with an abusive personality. The sacrifice and mental health risks of having someone who jangles your nerves and eats at your being from within, one piece at a time, is a lunatic pleasure only a masochistic mind would care to tolerate. However, during the courtship stage and even up to the early stages of the relationship, the wolf lying in wait beneath the sheep's clothing cannot be easily detected.

Staying On Guard

As easy as it is to think that getting out of a destructive relationship can be done as soon as the realization hits us, more often than not, we would balk at the thought of letting go since we are already into deep with our feelings for him. Thinking that in time he would change, we resign ourselves to the roles of martyrs—all- too-willing human punching bags, ever ready to sacrifice herself in the name of love, peace, and whatever. What we fail to realize is that the longer we stay in the relationship, the deeper we sink, and the more damage we incur upon ourselves.

And seriously speaking, this is is not what we had in mind for us when we got into the relationship with him.

The Signs

Let us face it: a man with an abusive personality has serious emotional or psychological issues that are too hefty for you to handle on your own. Because they would always put up a most charming, kindly front, detecting emotional abusers can be quite a challenge. However, by being observant of these telltale behavior hinting at a possible abusive personality, you can keep yourself from falling in love with a wolf.

• Emotional abusers get a kick out of putting down others because they make him feel superior.

Even if it is meant to be a joke, mocking comments about looks, gender, or abilities are never acceptable. Typically, if he makes such comments or jokes, it is indicative that he derives a sick sense of superiority by cutting down others.

• They are usually over confident or behave in a conceited manner.

Ironically, men who have low self-esteem mask their inadequate perception of themselves by behaving too confidently. As is often the case, having a poor self-esteem would prompt people to take out their frustration on only two kinds of people: themselves or you.

• He manipulates you emotionally by making you feel guilty most of the time.

Even if the faults are conspicuously his, he always manages to turn things around and make things look like they are your fault. Worse, you find yourself believing this because the pangs of shame or guilt sink in. Although this is nowhere in the likes of name-calling or belittling you, this kind of treatment which can only be carried out by an emotional abuser is emotionally destructive for you.

• Be on the lookout for angry outbursts.

Whenever abusers lose their temper, it is hard for them to stifle the abusive personality within. Even if he may not hurt you physically or throws a violent fit (which is very possible); name-calling, personally insulting remarks, and guilt-tripping are the surefire remarks only an emotional abuser can make. Rather than discuss the matter-at-hand that upsets him, he attacks your sense of self-worth by hurling personally disparaging remarks, which may not even be directly connected to the point of argument.

Once you get closer to him, there would be that tiny voice at the back of your mind warning you if you are dealing with a wolf. However, the signs that would directly identify an emotional abuser can be so subtle. Either this, or you are too lost in love for him, that you become blind to them. Nevertheless, for your sanity's sake, do your best to stay away as soon as that tiny voice begins to speak. After all, true love does not require you to sacrifice yourself for someone unworthy of your affections to begin with.