Knowing When to Say When: Breaking up is Hard to Do

Breaking up is never easy, but the rule of thumb is that it is usually better to do it right away than to delay the inevitable. It can be hard to break off a relationship with someone if you care about them and do not want to hurt them, but so many of us make the mistake of letting the other person hold on while we are totally gone emotionally. While this may seem like the right thing to do, in the end it will just hurt you (and them) more.

Most people will tell you that they would rather be broken up with right when the feelings are gone than to have it delayed. While it may seem like you should let the person hold on for longer because they don't feel the same way you do you are actually just hurting them more by not being upfront and honest. So, when your feelings are gone or just not the same as they once were, break it off right away. Let your partner know how you are feeling, there is no reason to extend the pain for you or for them. If you break it off now, six months from now you may both have moved on, so why extend things when life is waiting outside of your relationship? We all need to learn when to say when.

Because breaking up is never easy you will have to find your own way to do the deed. Perhaps you can write them a letter and let them know that things just aren't the same as they used to be, or ask them to meet you at a favorite location to talk and break the news gently, but remember to be kind. Just because you are ready to move on doesn't mean that they will be, so you have to consider their feelings. Remind them that you had a great time with them and you hope that some day you can enjoy some sort of relationship, although avoid the "we can still be friends" cliche if at all possible.

Also, if you are going to break up with the person that you have been with for some time, make sure to make a clean break. Break ups are heart wrenching enough as it is, so when you go back and forth out of someone's life you are just making their pain worse. It may be a good idea not to have contact for awhile, but don't be afraid to check up on them every once and awhile. However, always keep your motives out in the open and very clear so there are no mixed signals.