Marriage - From A Woman's Perspective

Journalist: I believe you have two failed marriages? Sally: No, that's not correct. My first marriage lasted two years - it was successful. My second marriage lasted five years - it was also successful". Media Interview with Melbourne fashion designer, Sally Browne,

How does anyone know whether a marriage is successful, but those two people who are married?

Why should others judge someone else's marriage by its duration? If Sally Browne and her current husband had lived in separate houses, would that have implied her marriage was successful? If, as statistics reveal, that one in three marriages end in divorce does that mean those that are sustained are  successful?

I am not sure who said: Most women, it seems, like to marry at least once just to prove something to themselves or to society. It takes a stalwart to make the same mistake twice.

Although statistics reveal that one out of two second marriages end in divorce, not as many divorced women are anxious to remarry. Many women, particularly those from marriages that have endured longer than ten years and have resulted in a satisfactory number of offspring, are not enthusiastic to pick up sox nor have to answer to a man again. They may own a smaller house, have a smaller disposable income and their holidays may not be as luxurious as during marriage but many say the tranquility, freedom and lighter workload more than compensates.

On the other hand divorced men need a woman to look after them and are usually remarried within two years. For a more specific view, let's look at each female personality type separately. Each has different values therefore totally different views on marriage.

The Mummy's Girl is pretty and feminine, adaptable. She is not ambitious but likes to be the boss' pet. She brings out the protective instinct in others and especially in strong he-men like the Dad's Boy personality type. She wants to be rescued from the boss-who-doesn't-pay-her-enough-to-cover-her-credit-card-payrnent-each-month. She also wants to escape from mother's apron strings.

The trouble with Mummy's Girl is that she is never totally committed to her man or her marriage. She is always day-dreaming of, one day, her Prince Charming coming to rescue her from the rigours of housework and a critical husband. He usually does too and for some Mummy's Girls, Prince Charming comes along repeatedly in different disguises) resulting in several marriages.

"1've married a few people I shouldn't have, but haven't we all?"

The Daddy's Girl personality type, efficient, well organised and successful is hard on herself and really needs a tolerant caring person like the Mummy's Boy personality type. Her friends are surprised she marries such a wimp. "He's not at all like her." While he is useful, supportive amusing and good value he has a place in her heart, but once past the use-by date, she doesn't waste time; she fires him like redundant baggage tossed out during spring cleaning. And feels only relief afterwards; relief that he is no longer a weight on her shoulders.

"I'd die for you my love." "Oh, Harry. You're always saying that, but you never do anything about it." Gloria Steinem

The Mother personality type who is motherly, nurturing and caring is dying to get married and have children. She chooses a man who will be good father material - The Brother personality type. She knows how to attract him, make him feel wanted and loved and has no trouble getting him to the altar. (They have to marry so that their children are legitimate). Usually she selects a man who stays permanently married. He enjoys family life and derives much pleasure from his children. The children are not the focal point of this marriage.

"I married beneath me. All women do." Nancy, Lady Astor

The Sister personality type who is competitive, independent and inclined to leave her run a bit late is not keen to marry. She instigated the egalitarian marriage. The Bachelor personality type who also leaves his run even later eventually discovers her and they often marry within months of meeting. This marriage is usually very successful because they respect each others' need for independence and space.

"The trouble with some women is they get all excited about nothing - and then marry him." Cher

The Favourite Aunt personality type doesn't need a husband. She is a great home maker, loves to run the household by herself without any interference and manages well on her own. The Playboy personality type is attracted to her. He wants a woman he can trust and she is completely trustworthy. Because she puts no pressure on him, he proposes before someone else does. Although never wildly enthusiastic, provided others don't make it their business to inform her of her husband's philandering, (although he will soon convince her it's not true) she is content in her marriage.

"In Hollywood all marriages are happy. It's trying to live together afterwards that causes all the problems." Shelley Winters

The Flirt personality type needs an exciting man in her life and The Baby of the Family personality type believes that if he doesn't marry this beautiful, vivacious and sensual woman, someone else will. Unfortunately she bores easily, which may lead to promiscuity or a change in husbands. Her husband who is usually a bit of a show off (part of the reason he married her), worries about what others think. He won't be able to tolerate becoming a laughing stock in front of his friends. So like Prince Andrew, he will eventually throw in the towel if his flirtatious wife continues to stray.

"I know a lot a people didn't expect our relationship to last - but we've - just celebrated our two month's anniversary." Britt Ekland

The Wife personality type chooses her man with great care. The Workaholic personality type must be worthy of her devotion. He must be successful and appreciate her support. She sets her prey and goes after him. She is a true predator but what a prize he gets; this woman is the perfect corporate wife, efficient, supportive, caring and devoted in every way. Her marriage is most often for life but should it end she will leave no stone unturned in her fury to find another husband. She is nothing without a man. To The Wife personality type, being without a man is like being without a job.

"It is true that I never should have married, but 1 didn't want to live without a man. Brought up to respect the conventions, love had to end in marriage. I'm afraid it did." Bette Davis.

Rosalind Baker is the Principal and Founder of Entre Nous Introduction Agency www.entrenous.com.au and author of 3 best sellers, Dial A Woman, Dial A Man and Dial A Personality To find out: Your Personality Type, or to find out"Are You Eligible" or "Are you ready for a relationship?" visit: www.entrenous.com.au

Rosalind Baker is the Principal and Founder of Entre Nous Introduction Agency www.entrenous.com.au and author of 3 best sellers, Dial A Woman, Dial A Man and Dial A Personality