My Girlfriend Doesn't Love Me

Something just doesn't seem the same anymore, does it? What used to be constant hand-holding, hugs, and kisses has dwindled into barely an effort to see how your day is going. Or, so it seems. "What's going on," you wonder as you convincingly tell yourself, "maybe my girlfriend doesn't love me." But, is that really the case? Does she really just not share the same feelings for you as you do for her?

Have you ever caught yourself thinking something along the lines of "if my girlfriend really loved me, she wouldn't do that to me?" It is natural for you to have certain expectations and desires that, in your mind, serve as "proof" that your girlfriend loves you. And, since you expect those behaviors, you automatically assume that your girlfriend thinks the same way. So, it is safe to say she must not love you, right? Well, not exactly.

You see, that may not at all be the case. What you deem as required loving behavior, your girlfriend may not see as proof of anything. Everyone is different. Everyone's idea of what love is, is completely different, and so is their opinion about how they go about showing that love to their partner. Your girlfriend will only do what seems natural to her. Or, to put it a different way, she shows her love by doing whatever she believes is deemed as loving behavior in her own mind.

For example, to you, holding hands often might be a sign that your girlfriend truly loves you. Or, perhaps, when she answers her phone consistently when you call, you may feel loved by her. However, your girlfriend may think in the say way that you do. She may feel that just because she doesn't answer the phone every time you call, that in no way means she doesn't love you.

In fact, the signs that she looks for from you as her "proof" that you love her could actually conflict with the signs that you are looking for from her. She may feel that she should be allowed to have time to herself without explanation or the need to let you know her every move. And, she may even look for that freedom from you as evidence that you truly love her. Perhaps, just knowing you are there when she needs you may be all the loving behavior from you that she needs. You, on the other hand, may see her need for space at times as a sign that she doesn't love you back as much as you do her because, in your mind, someone that loves you should always want to spend their every minute with you.

You've probably heard many times that communication is key in a lasting relationship. Well, it couldn't be more true here. While it is important that you let your girlfriend know that you love her, it is just as important that you communicate what expectations you have for the relationship. This includes your definitions of what loving behavior you expect from her. Likewise, when she does do the things that make you feel loved, reinforce them by letting her know that you appreciate her, and you are likely to receive more of what you want.

On the other hand, when her behaviors give you cause to question her love, then be open and honest with her about how you feel. Just be sure to communicate your feelings in a calm but sincere manner. Avoid coming across as though your are accusing her of behavior that is "wrong." Again, you must always keep in mind that what you look for as loving behavior is not always going to align with her beliefs.

There will be times when you may not feel loved by your girlfriend in your relationship. It is important that you recognize and realize that just because you expect certain behaviors and gestures from your girlfriend as "proof" that she loves you, does not in any way "prove" that she doesn't when those behaviors are not there. Remember that everyone's definition of how to demonstrate love for their partner differs. Focus less on your own expectations, and enjoy all of the love that she has to give.