Online Dating; Don’t Give Up After the First Date
If you’ve met someone on the Internet and are now ready to meet face to face, keep in mind that your expectations are going to be pretty high. If you’ve talked on the phone or emailed a lot and really clicked, the first date can be a bit disappointing. You may have built the other person up in your mind, making him or her a romantic fantasy of the perfect person. Unfortunately, if you go into a first date expecting perfection, you may be disappointed and decide the first date is going to be the last. This can be a huge mistake.
Here are a few things to think about before giving up on someone after the first date:
- Expectations and reality don’t always match up. If you’ve been dreaming about a perfect date, you are being unfair to yourself and the other person. It sets you up to watch for every tiny little detail that could sabotage your date. If you’ve dreamed of an impeccably dressed man who wears Hugo Boss and he shows up looking just “nice,” it shouldn’t be a big deal. It is more likely a reflection of his budget than his sense of style. Don’t let these superficial hurdles get in the way of really getting to know him.
- The venue may be the problem. Did you commit the cardinal sin of seeing a movie on your first date? Not being able to chat for two hours can be a problem. One true story illustrates this perfectly – a woman went on a first date with a great guy. During the movie previews, he was animatedly talking, which drove her nuts. She loved seeing the previews and wanted him to shut up. Turns out he felt that if he didn’t fill that void with conversation, she would think he was a dud. Fortunately, a second date cleared the air and they’ve been together ever since.
- If you try too hard, you are setting yourself up for failure. You should certainly take the time to look great, but once you’re together, don’t try too hard. Forced conversation, pushing the flirting or simply trying to be perfect will make you come across as fake and shallow. It will give you the opportunity to discover the many wonderful qualities that might not shine on a first date, when nerves can get in the way.
- Don’t overanalyze your date. If you go home and spend the night picking apart every aspect of the conversation, you will soon become paranoid. If she says, “I like your sweater,” don’t start wondering if that means you should always wear a sweater, particularly if this is the only one you own. Most compliments should be taken at face value. If he said, “I’m close to my parents,” it doesn’t mean he’s a mamma’s boy or that he will expect you to visit them every Sunday. It may simply mean he has a healthy relationship with his parents, and that’s a good thing.
If you look back at your first date and think, “It was nice, but not outstanding,” give yourself – and your date – a second chance. You may discover that the fireworks were simply smoldering and needed more time to ignite!
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By Allie Keene, Love and Relationship Expert for www.TangoWire.com
This article is copyright and may not be republished
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