Online Dating Tips

There are many people who want to date, but tell me they are afraid of meeting someone on the Internet.  They’ve heard the horror stories of the impostors, crazies, and users.  Obviously, no one wants to attract trouble.

However, people meet and fall in love everyday with someone they met online.  Just as you would take precautions meeting any stranger anywhere, there are rules to follow and signs to look for that will protect you.  It IS possible to meet someone wonderful.  Dating online is also called social networking.  This term refers to groups of people who share similar interests.  Social networking services that are web based provide ways to email, chat, and instant message.

Over 40 million Americans use online dating services, which is about 40% of the adult single population. Internet dating services are no longer considered to be just an amusing idea, or, for only the lonely.  They are part of the new world of communication and interaction.  They are viable, realistic ways for you to meet someone you might not have ever had the chance to know.  Here are your basic guidelines:

1. Try several sites.

Do some research and see which sites suit your interests and personality.  There are singles sites for people who love horses, dogs, organic gardening, or travel.  There’s a site for almost any interest.  The best mix would be to choose a large generic site like Yahoo Personals, Plenty of Fish, or Match.com.  A second site could be more specific and tailored to your interests like FitnessSingles.com or SingleParentsMingle.com.  I don’t recommend free sites.  My clients tell me they don’t find good matches there.

1. Write a good profile.

You want your profile to reveal who you are but you have to keep the information appropriate and generic.  Do not make things up to make yourself sound better—you’ll regret this later.  After you have written your profile, let someone you trust read it.  You may have said something in a way that will send the wrong impression.  Often, we can’t see our own mistakes or confusing messages.

1. Post recent, good pictures.

Researchers at MIT say that posted profiles with pictures get twice as many emails as those without them.  If you want to start off on the right foot with your date, do not post a picture of yourself that was taken before you gained the fifty pounds or when you were five—or ten—years younger.  Your picture should show you clearly, not be taken from a distance or taken so close up that it only shows one eye and half your nose.  You don’t need your date to be disappointed when they meet you, so stay truthful and current.

1. Dig deep.

When it comes to writing your profile, you are going to have to think about what’s interesting, different, and amusing in your life.  If you can’t remember, ask your friends to help you.  The only way your profile is going to be noticed and remembered is if: a. you look like a movie star (not many of us do), or b. you write something memorable.  You may be an architect, teacher, doctor, or banker, but if you don’t say something about your hobbies or interests or unique life experiences, you may get overlooked.  Did you grow up with a dog named “Einstein” who couldn’t remember where he buried his bones?  Were you born in one country, grew up in another, and still speak only one language?  Do you volunteer at the SPCA and name the dogs after rock stars?  What can you say about yourself that is different?

1. Don’t just sit there.

Waiting for someone to find you is a big mistake singles make.  If you use that tactic, you’ll still be “waiting” when you’re in the nursing home. Whether you are out at an event or you are online dating—don’t wait to be found.  Get busy responding to the profiles and pictures that you see and like.  Take responsibility for your outcomes in the dating world.  You have choices and your fate is in your hands.

1. Keep at it.

If you want success, you must persist.  People who give up too easily don’t get what they want.  I have friends who had more than 50 dates online.  They finally met the one who was right for them.

1. Safety tips:
   1. After “meeting” through email, talk on the phone several times and set up a time to meet. End the conversation if there are ANY inappropriate sexual comments.
   2. Always meet in a public place and provide your own transportation.
   3. Keep the first “pre-date” short.  You will know within 30 minutes if you want to see the person again.
   4. Always tell someone where you’re going and how long you plan to be there.
   5. Have a plan for exiting a bad date.

Online dating is one way to meet someone, but, be safe and—be a SAVVY dater.