Openness To Healing Relationships - Can They Be Healed?
So many times people will find themselves in a relationship that used to be good, loving, and strong. But somehow, somewhere, things changed. Now they want to get that loving relationship back. The first thing is making sure there is an openness to healing relationships.
Most relationships that have broken down have done so over a period of time and usually because of hurts, many of which have been small. These hurts have accumulated over a period of time, though, and now they've taken on a life of their own. Over time we tend to shut ourselves off from our partner because we don't want to be hurt anymore. Once that happens you will need to make sure you can open up again and attempt to heal the relationship. Before you decide that you are going to fix your broken relationship you have to make sure that you are willing to open yourself up to the possibility of more hurt.
And, it's not just about you either. Is your partner willing to open up and work on the relationship? Many times one partner is more interested in salvaging the relationship than another. If that's the case and your partner has made it clear, either by what they've said or their overall attitude, that they have no interest in working very hard to save the relationship, you might as well call it quits. You can't do it all yourself and you can't force your partner to try.
If, on the other hand, you both agree that you will try to work on the relationship the first thing you'll both need to do is look at yourselves. You need to look at yourself and your partner needs to look at themselves. You are trying to honestly figure out what part you've played in the breakdown of the relationship and whether or not you will be committed to making the changes necessary to fix it. Again, both of you have to admit their part in the break down of the relationship as well as be willing to try to change their behavior.
After all that the next thing you will both need to do is talk to each other. This doesn't mean yelling, intimidating, or getting mad. It means and open, adult discussion about how you are feeling. You each have to be able to honestly speak your mind and explain what you think has happened, how you think it can be fixed, what you are willing to do to help fix it, and how you are feeling overall.
This step is vitally important and potentially very dangerous. This is the part where someone could get hurt feelings and that could lead to a big blowout. In order for this to work, it's crucial that you both give the other person time to talk, and not get mad or defensive about what they have to say.
If you are sure you and your partner really have an openness to healing relationships, and you're wiling to work on the steps I've listed here than the two of you will have a real shot at getting back to a place in your relationship where you can be happy to be together, and happy to be 'back to normal'.
Questions and Answers
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