Putting Her in the Number One Spot: Biggest Dating/relationship Mistakes Part Five

Todays typical man doesn't have a lot going on for him. He doesn't have a mission, hobby or passion for life. He works a job that he wishes he could quit. He goes out and gets drunk with his buddies wishing he had better friends. He feels stuck in his position in life wanting, waiting, wishing for something better to come along.

Out of no where comes a beautiful woman who that wants to spend time with him. He is thrown off guard by this pleasant surprise, so much so that he completely forgets about everything else. Most of the time when a guy starts dating a new woman she becomes HIS WORLD.

Soon after meeting her he begins to lose any sense of self he once had and puts her first above all. Everything he had done before he met her has been put on the back burner for his new flame.

He ditches his friends at the drop of a hat to spend some time with this girl who he has only known for a week or so. He takes off of work to go to the beach with her even though he can't afford it. Little does he know that this type of behavior is exactly what will drive her away the quickest. He is thinking everything is ok while she is looking for the fastest exit out of there.

NEVER MAKE ANY WOMAN THE NUMBER ONE PRIORITY IN YOUR LIFE. Putting your girlfriend or date into the number one spot will kill the attraction quicker than anything else. For many reasons:

1. She knows that your self esteem is not high enough

When you put a woman in the number one spot you are basically saying her happiness and well being is more important than your own. You might think it is romantic or cute to put her needs above your own but it isn't. It sends a direct message to the woman that your self esteem isn't high enough to take care of number one: yourself. Low self esteem guys rarely get the girl. Even if they do, they quickly lose her.

2. Fear of losing the girl

“If I don't do what she says or put her first she might leave me”- If you do end up putting a woman first and she does leave, you should consider yourself lucky. A lot of the time when the woman is first the relationship goes to absolute hell where cheating, lying, manipulation, NAGGING become the day to day routine. I have seen and heard some absolute horror stories when the woman decides to stay in it for whatever reason after the attraction level has hit zero.

3. It's Dishonest

Humans are basically selfish creatures, we look out for our own survival and do things for us. When you put other's needs above your own you are lying to them about your own desires. For example; your date or girlfriend says “hey lets go get hot dogs” and you hate hot dogs but you don't say anything because you don't want to upset her, you are lying to her about what you truly want.

People rarely do things for others without attachments. Most of the time they do for others because they want something from them, be it attention, love, friendship, sex, whatever. They believe that they are being “nice” but their niceness comes with a price and almost always has an agenda.

Being selfish and putting your needs first is simply being honest and honesty is something people can trust. People will hate you for it but hey, you can't win them all. They will try to guilt trip you by calling you a self centered bastard but thats them being upset at their inability to get you to put them first.

4. Not knowing any better

Society, parents and religion have all shoved down your throat the romantic notion of sacrificing everything for a woman to prove to her your love. This fairy tale story ONLY works in the movies, never in real life. In real life, as MANY of you can attest to, it kills the attraction.

Majority of guys get their dating/relationship model from their parents. Unfortunately, for many of you, your parents relationships suck. Mommy orders daddy around while daddy spends his nights fantasying about how it would feel to be in a LOVE filled relationship where the ATTRACTION is still going without all the arguing and mothering. From this most guys figure that this is the way a relationship should be and have no idea about the possibility of having long lasting attraction based interactions with women-they simple don't know any better.

5. It's downright needy

Nothing reeks of neediness more like dropping everything in your life to be with a woman. Guy's do this because they are trying to fill a whole inside of themselves. They feel they lack in someway and need a woman, a car or money to finally feel good about themselves.

Relationships/dating are all about helping each other to be better people. When you are on a plane the flight attendants instruct you to put your mask on FIRST in case of fire before putting your children's mask on. The reason they do this is because you will be able to help more people when you take care of yourself first. If you decide to put their mask on first you won't be helping many people when your lungs are filled with smoke.

A lot of Seduction Guru's suggest not spending as much time with her. While I understand this line of thinking but it doesn't solve the problem. The problem isn't the amount of time you spend with a girl, it's your neediness and lack of priorities that she picks up on that kills the attraction. Spending time with a girlfriend or a date is a GOOD thing because familiarity breads closeness but just as long you DON”T make her a priority over everything else.

The advice “don't spend as much time with her” is basically mimicking how “bad boys” treat women. It's fake because you really aren't a bad boy, you are just needy. When you put on the fake non-needy bad boy mask and force yourself to be aloof with the girl it will get you stuck in your head and over thinking everything big time.

You will get extremely paranoid that you are spending too much time with her or showing too much interest. This happens because you are showing the actions of someone who naturally isn't needy and playing make believe but on the inside you are still the same person-your inner game is still not solid.

A much better solution is to simply make the choice to drop being needy. Once you have dropped neediness you won't have to think about it because it will no longer be a concern. Once neediness is gone you will have the freedom to do WHATEVER YOU WANT and NOT KILL THE ATTRACTION.

I suggest that you do two things if you are or have in the past put women first above ALL else:

1. Become Selfish

2. Get your priorities in line

“The most important person in my relationships is ME”- David X

That is a powerful fucking statement. That should be the frame you always keep in mind whether it's a first date or it's your two year anniversary. ALWAYS put yourself above ALL else because in the end when you close your eyes and go to sleep, there is you and you alone. You may have been with this girl for ten years but you have been with yourself for a lifetime.

Become selfish. Become honest and do things for yourself. Make yourself the most important person in your life. Touch her because YOU want to. Kiss her because you want to. Go out to a bar because you want to. Don't go out to a bar because you don't to-whatever it doesn't matter as long as you are doing things on your own terms.

*note: it doesn't mean that you don't ever do anything for her, it simply means that you do things because you want to. Example: you give her a gift or a back rub because you want to enjoy the pleasure she gets from receiving a back rub or a gift, NOT because you want to get her to stay with you or like you.

Get your priorities in line

Here is a new list of priorities:

2. Your integrity- Never sell out your honesty or core values for a woman. Even if she doesn't like that you stuck to your    guns she will respect you for it and the attraction will grow.

3. Your mission- “Never break your mission for a woman. She needs to know that your mission is greater than her or your     relationship” An example of this: Just as I'm typing this my girlfriend called to talk to me. I told her I was writing and to call later on because I was on my mission.

For more information on being on your mission check out How to Find and Live Your Mission:

http://innergamereframe.com/how-to-find-and-live-your-mission/

4. Your relationships with women, family and friends. This should always be fourth on your list of priorities. I'd go so far as to even tell the woman that she will be number four on your list.

She may say that she doesn't that you are selfish and put yourself first but the truth is she will LOVE it. She will love it because she has finally found a man who isn't weak or needy, doesn't put her first and has a strong sense of self and purpose in life.

-Alex

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