One of my girl friends called me in tears a while ago. Another boyfriend had broken up with her and she was clueless of the real reason
"He never returned my calls" she tearfully said.
"How many times did you call him" I asked. I was suspicious already of the answer.
"About four times! And he didn't bother calling me back once!"
....and she was still wondering why he hasn't called.
I'm sure we all know someone like my friend. The tragic thing is she doesn't even know that she is showing neediness. It is a sure way to turn off men.
She has a big fear of being left because it has happened time and time again. Plus each time it happens, it makes her needier. She is trapped in a vicious cycle and she doesn't know how to get out of it.
Being needy in a relationship isn't about needing to talk to someone numerous times a day. It means that you need constant reassurance that your boyfriend loves you or that you are attractive to him. Many people are conscious of their neediness but unsure on how to handle it.
You could take things to the other extreme, like playing hard to get, but try to strike a happy balance. Desperation is a huge turn off, as is acting as if you are not interested. Many people get it wrong.
The longer you are with a guy, trust should naturally build up. You need to respect the other person's time and their life outside of being with you.
Don't ask for reassurance all the time! Questions such as, "do you love me?" and "do you find me attractive" are not necessary. If your partner didn't like you, or love you, they wouldn't be with you now.
If you have just met a guy, give him some space.
Otherwise, you will see the first signs of wanting out. You don't need to call one another every day. Although, if both of you like contacts, that's fine.
Become a good judge of character. What seems fine to one person can be perceived as needy to another.
A good way to stop being needy in a relationship is to force yourself not to be. OK, it may be easier than it sounds but remember earlier relationships.
Don't forget how your neediness scared your previous partner away. Do you want that to occur again? Of course not. Stop asking for reassurance all the time. Stop phoning all the time.
Have a life outside the relationship also. Practice your hobbies and hang out with your friends. If your life is centered on your boyfriend, this will make you needy. If the relationship fails, you'll feel you've lost everything.
Being needy in a liaison is a big error. You have to understand there is no reason to feel that way. Take pleasure in spending time with your partner and realize that he is with you because he wants to be.
Nobody is faultless and a relationship needs some work. There is always going to be someone smarter than you or more attractive than you. Your guy is with you because he loves you!
Stop acting insecure. You will still have needy thoughts. Push them aside and enjoy your life.
After a while, it will be your new behavior and your relationship will be better than ever.
Got a Question? Ask.
Ask the community a question about this article:
Frequently Asked Questions
I met a guy on the phone and we started calling ...
By: jenniffer | 24-07-2008
i met a guy on the phone and we started calling eachother but now he is more inlove with me
I don't really like the whole
By: Luvly2nv | 23-07-2008
I don't really like the whole "sex" experience. Not because it's bad, but because it's just not enough to pleasure me. What else can we do to spice up my experience in the bedroom and, leave me wanting more?
So, How can i do this?
By: Me | 23-07-2008
Ok, so one of my best friends wants me to call him. He lives in Northern Ireland, and I live in the US, and i've tried a few things, and nothing has gone through. Does anyone know of anything i can try to call him? I really want to talk to him on the phone. Hes tried to call me too, could it possibly be the phone companies? would that have anything to do with it? Help!
Is it right for a woman to have a man cook for her ...
By: bodyguard065 | 23-07-2008
Is it right for a woman to have a man cook for her everyday even though she has a boyfriend?the guy cookin for her is her ex by the way
What would someone do if they have been talkin to ...
By: bodyguard065 | 23-07-2008
what would someone do if they have been talkin to a woman for about 6months and have yet to have a date.They have been out as a group but never alone.They talk to this person jus about every day all the time.whats the deal?
How often should you expect a man to call or see ...
By: Jami | 23-07-2008
How often should you expect a man to call or see you if you've been dating for a few months and he considers you his "girlfriend"? I'm dating again after more than 25 years so my dating mentality is probably outdated.
Q&A Powered by:
Latest Dating Articles
6 Rules for Getting Your Ex Back
By: Roger Ahman | 25/07/2008
Some rules you should follow to get your ex back.
3 Pieces of Advice to Get Your Ex Back
By: Teecee Go | 25/07/2008
Would you like to know the process that will help you get your ex back even after a difficult breakup? Follow 3 statements of advice that can kick start the process that will help you get your ex back.
6 Steps to Bring Back Your Ex
By: Teecee Go | 25/07/2008
If all you want is your ex back in your arms, then you need to keep that level head at a time when life brings you sour grapes. If you want you ex back in your arms, then there are 6 things to keep in mind.
Breakups: the Do's and Don’ts
By: Teecee Go | 25/07/2008
When you are unexpectedly dumped, you can take the breakup rather hard. However, there are 5 dos and don’ts that can make things go a little more smoothly and work in your favor.
Bring Back Your Ex: 5 Helpful Strategic Tips
By: Teecee Go | 25/07/2008
When you suffer a breakup, it isn’t too hard to have a breakdown. You may seem like your world can’t go on without your ex beside you. However, the following 5 tips can help you survive the rough time and bring your ex back to you.
Want Your Ex Back? 4 not to Do Tips to Follow
By: Teecee Go | 25/07/2008
Just broken up with your ex? Mistakes are easy to make but the kinds of mistakes you make can destroy your chances of winning back your ex. If you really want to win back your ex, there are 4 tips to adhere by.
4 Things You Should not Do After a Breakup
By: Teecee Go | 25/07/2008
It’s common for people to make negative choices after a breakup, you need to keep from making these 4 common mistakes you should not do that can send them running in the other direction.
3 Tips to Win Your Ex Back After a Break Up
By: Teecee Go | 25/07/2008
If you have broken up with someone recently, you may know firsthand how difficult it is to get your life back on track. Yet, there is hope. There are 3 tips that can help increase your odds so you can win your ex back.
Relationships 
| Posted: 11-07-2007 | Comments: 
