Men and women have some very obvious differences. In fact, many men and women are so different that they can’t even list five things that they have in common or react to the same way. In so many cases, we fail to see the actual physiological differences that play a decisive role in creating the issues between men and women.
One of the greatest physiological differences between men and women is the brain. We are actually so different from each other that it shows up on tests that measure brain activity and brain function. Women have the innate capacity to use both sides of the brain at the same time while men are restricted to using only one side at a time. This means that men tend to try to solve problems from one angle or the other (either verbally or via problem solving) but never at the same time. This is in part why men like to try to just fix things, because if it is a problem that can be solved, his brain is actually telling him that’s the next best step. Women are more likely to try to “fix the problem” while using verbal skills at the same time to try to emotionally understand the problem. It is absolutely fascinating to watch a man and a woman try to work through the same scenario in their own unique ways.
Men tend to look for the “right” answer while women tend to want to go through an emotional process in order to arrive at an answer that works. In many cases, men and women have the exact same capacity for working out a problem, they just do it in ways that are so different from each other that they get stuck on the other’s process when trying to work it out together. Men would probably argue less if they just allowed women to go through their emotional process and come to a good conclusion while women would probably serve the situation better if they allowed men to see how they could fix it right. Two different methods have the same ability to end up at the identical conclusion.
When men and women fight and argue, often the woman becomes emotional and the man sees this as manipulative. It’s not cool to make her cry, right? However, if men could recognize that women are actually programmed to work through their feelings while solving a problem then they could eliminate the need to become defensive about her emotional reaction. Tears and angry behavior doesn’t indicate failure on your part. It indicates that her brain works differently and society has taught her she is allowed to her emotions. It is unfair of you to expect the same behavior out of her that you would deliver. Besides, it’s not her fault that society has told you not to have emotions.
As more biological testing becomes available, the differences between men and women are going to be reflected in much larger ways. Perhaps some day we will all be able to purchase the guidebook to the physiological differences of the opposite gender. This information is not yet available and won’t be for some time, but at least being able to acknowledge that the different styles of working through problems are not an intentional effort to annoy you should cut down on some of the arguing.
The real truth of the matter is that the differences between men and women are actually helpful. Our biological material comes from an inherent cultural need for survival in a prehistoric environment. Our lives have changed but our biological make up hasn’t changed with our technology. We can carry these differences into the twenty first century as a method of solving problems faster with less conflict. However, this dream starts with understanding the differences between the genders and making it clear that each gender has a strength and a weakness. Coming together to solve issues can actually be a great learning and living experience that bring us so much closer to each other.
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