What if He’s (she) Shorter (taller) Than You?

By MaryAnna Donovan

I’m 5’ 10”.
Many moons ago I had to come to accept that most men were going to be shorter than me. And, over the years, I have found that indeed most men are shorter than me.
Does it bother me?
When I was 25 it did.
Does it bother me today? (I’m 55).
Not one iota: better not because my life partner is 5” 6 ½ “.

Next question: does he care?
I mean, he’s the man with the alleged I am man, you are wooooo-man bigger, stronger, taller thing.
Despite the fact that I tower over him, despite the fact that people turn their heads when we walk by hand-in-hand, despite the fact that I weigh more (major cringe) than him, it still doesn’t bother him one bit.

Why in the world am I bringing up this issue anyway?
I bring it up because for those of you who just may have it in your head that the woman has to be shorter than the man, you might be missing out on what could be the love of a lifetime.

Take out a piece of paper or open up a new Word document and jot down your answers to the following:

Why Must He (She) Be Taller (Shorter)?

1. Is this something that is one of those “just because’s” or do you have a more specific reason?




2. Write down your reason.




3. If you told someone you respect your reason, would they feel it is a solid, undisputable one?




4. Do you feel your reason is solid and undisputable?




5. Have you always felt this way or is this something that evolved along the way?

What If He (She) Is Taller (Shorter)?

1. Have you ever dated anyone taller/shorter than you?




2. If yes, did you notice the height difference at all? Often? Not at all?




3. If you noticed it, did it have an effect on your relationship?




4. What was the effect?




5. Did other people notice?




6. If yes, did it bother you?

The Relationship (or Potential) Side

1. How did you meet? Online? In person? On the telephone?




2. When you started communicating, did you know right away about the height issue?




3. If not, how long into it before you did?




4. Was that okay, or did you feel it was a detail that you would like to have known sooner?




5. How did you feel the first time you met? If you knew? If you didn’t?




6. Was it a big deal? A show stopper? If yes, why?

I’m going to end here for now, but watch for Part 2 which assumes you’re plunging ahead and gives you ways to deal with your feelings, other people, and your relationship.