Bio of author :
Variety is the spice of life and the source of great fodder. So says writer, scholar, teacher, and business practitioner Mary Anne Donovan.
Donovan has also been college professor for 10 years, teaching writing and literature courses, and meeting scores of mostly young people through this work. She has a strong intuition about people – what motivates them, makes them tick, and what they’re about.
Her book “why I Hate to Date (online)” is available at her blog site
http://www.i-hate-to-date.com
By
Mary Anna Donovan
I know, I know, I am about to open a can of worms and I'll probably be strung by my thumbs from some cell tower somewhere before I even finish this little essay.
But, folks, I have to be perfectly honest: I HATE ONLINE DATING.
I can feel your frustration with me: your choruses of, "She doesn't know what the heck she's talking about!"
Well, my friends, truth be told, I do indeed know what I'm talking about. Let me give you some stats:
I have been a member of 6 online dating sites in 5 years.
I have dated 25 guys I've met online over that time.
I am currently in a committed, long term relationship with a guy I met online.
So why do I hate online dating? Let me tell you why. I hate online dating because:
Profile: After having done it once, I despise filling out the profile. It is time consuming, boring, and every time I do it, I think it is a big waste of time.
Account activation: I have experienced total frustration time and again in trying to re-activate a former account. I have gone all through the process of updating my information only to get an error message at the end! Ugh -- not worth the energy!
Time: this is the biggest reason I hate online dating. I hate it when you're online and there are all these other people on line and they whisper or kiss or buzz or otherwise interrupt you from having a conversation or doing something else. Honestly, I found myself getting thoroughly stressed and manic trying to deal with being online at some of these sites. I hate the waiting for someone to respond, or trying to find a good time to sign off from the 10 people you're talking to at once, hoping you haven't said the wrong thing to the wrong person. YIKES!!
Games: Yes, games. As in deceit, lying, people misrepresenting themselves. It's all just smoke and mirrors, so my feeling is, why bother?
Dalliance: When I was "dating" in the online sense, I always felt like I wanted to meet the person, if there was even a hint of potential, right away. Yet, there are many gurus who advise getting to know the person online first. No way, Jose. There is just too much margin for error in keeping things online, and possibly, losing lots of time. Therefore, I always believed in meeting early on in the online thing.
Now that I have trashed online dating, I must emphasize something – THIS IS ABOUT ME, NOT ABOUT YOU. At the same time that I was doing the online thing, I had many friends who were doing it, too, and they had a fine old time.
The issues for me are:
1.I am the kind of person who needs to focus on one thing at a time. I do not multitask well.
2.I do not like spending long periods at the computer – I feel "trapped."
3.I find it stressful to keep the people and conversations straight (and yes, more than once, I have made a fool out of myself by saying the wrong thing to the wrong person – EMBARASSING).
I want to thank you for listening. I have wanted to say this to someone for a long time. I welcome your comments and rebuttals.
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