Being able to converse with anyone is a great communication skill to possess. Too often starting a conversation is like going to war for many and not just for girls talking to guys. They want to experience the joy of winning by having a great conversation but what lies ahead of the person is a massive uphill fight as they battle with fear, anxiety, uncertainty, and lack of belief leading them to avoid the 'war' altogether by not even starting the conversation.
I'm going to hone in on how girls can start a conversation with a guy by discussing your inner game, routine questions, learning about the guy, listening, and picking up on small details, but these are fundamental conversational rules that can be used for anyone in many situations.
Say a girl comes across this guy at a shopping center who she would really like to get to know. However, she has inner voices telling her negative things such as "You can't do this", "He won't even like you", "You'll just make yourself look bad and embarrass yourself." You see, she has already lost the war.
Your inner self or what I like to call inner game is overly negative that you are drowning yourself and suffocating any chances you had in starting a good conversation. Winning on the outside starts with winning on the inside. Why should you even begin to worry about learning what to say when you can't even speak?
Learn to be self-aware of what is going on in your mind. I know it is easier said then done so I am going to teach you a technique to be positive and fight the negative.
Motivational speaker Wayne Dyer uses the phrase "no limit thinking" as a means of releasing yourself from your self-limiting beliefs. You have got to release yourself from these beliefs so you can confidently start and maintain the conversation with this guy. You need to stop placing limits within yourself by using a technique called "reframing".
Reframing Your Mind
Reframing is not at all a difficult technique to use. What it involves is changing how you interpret the situation you are having trouble in. Your aim in reframing is to create thoughts congruent with your goals and repeatedly affirm yourself of these thoughts. The girl at the shopping center would use the reframing technique by repositioning her current negative thoughts to positive ones about having a great conversation with the guy.
The more positive thoughts you create, the more you will improve your confidence and adopt a "no limit thinking" approach. Here are some negative thoughts the girl is overcoming and to the right of each one is a reframe the girl could use which she'd repeatedly say to herself:
- "I'm nervous." to "I'm nervous because I care about the situation."
- "I won't start the conversation well." to "I will start the conversation well as I can do with my other friends and other people."
- "I'm afraid." to "I wasn't afraid last week when talking to a new guy so I don't have to be afraid now."
- "He is so amazing and too good for me." to "He farts, burps, and itches himself like any other human."
- "He won't like me." to "I don't care if he won't like me because I'm the prize. He is the one losing."
Can you see now how easy and powerful it is to overcome your self-limits? Reframing is truly an amazing technique.
It may take a minute or two to come up with a positive interpretation of the situation but with practice you'll become better at it. It can be used in almost any situation to boost your confidence, to improve your happiness, and lead you to success.
Now that you've fought off your doubts, fears, anxieties, and uncertainties about having a conversation with the guy, you can now approach him and start a conversation. You just need to learn effective techniques to start a conversation with a guy.
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