Brain Injuries: The Importance of Friend and Family Involvement

It is a long and lonely road for both the brain injured survivor and the caregiver without the support and involvement of family and friends.  Often when those who had previously been close to the injured person think the 'worst' is over, their support ends.  But as every caregiver knows, brain injuries really are forever.

If friends no longer call when their injured friend is unable to converse as they once did, go golfing, play racketball, tennis or whatever sport they did together, there is a feeling of abandonment on the part of the brain injured survivor.  Those with brain injuries know things are different but they are not sure what it is.  All they know is that their friends no longer call and they are alone and lonely.  They have a lot of time and nothing to fill their time with.  Often they will turn to substance abuse.  This places a huge burden and responsibility on the caregiver.  The caregiver then feels required to give 100% of their time and effort to the injured family member.  This is often a difficult expectation when there are likely other members of the family that require attention also.  The result of a situation such as this is that the inured family member, in the eyes of the rest of the family, is the only one that is important.

For those friends who think there is nothing they can do - they are very wrong.  If their friend is no longer able to go golfing or play racketball, he/she would almost certainly enjoy being invited out to lunch, for a drive or a walk.  They would then feel valued; not abandoned.

When those with injuries are no longer able to do what they once did - whether it be a job or in a social situation, they are set adrift.  They are left with very little.  Where do they turn?  To their caregiver?  The majority of people have very little knowledge of brain injuries so are unable to understand the difficulty the caregiver has without the support of those friends the injured person once thought he had.  Most caregivers have sadly discovered that few people want to be involved.

Will the injured person turn to alcohol or drugs?  Through boredom and lack of self-esteem, many of those with brain injuries will.  Why not, they wonder.  Their friends have abandoned them.  My partner was called an 'embecile' by one of his 'friends' because he did not do a job well.  This type of attitude makes the role of the caregiver even more difficult while trying to bolster an already shaky self-esteem problem.

Are friends only friends when things are going well?  In many cases, it would seem so.

As a caregiver, I have appreciated those who have shown understanding and compassion and have offered whatever assistance they can give.  Outside of my own immediate family, (which I'm extremely fortunate to have), those people have been few.  As an example, although my partner has an alcohol abuse issue, one of his friends told me they could not tell him he couldn't drink while he was in their home.  The opposite of that was while visiting my brother and sister-in-law in their home for one week, they kept the alcohol out of sight and offered him other refreshments.  Their attitude, in comparison, was supportive and their understanding appreciated.  My own feelings of frustration were validated.  It is all any caregiver would ask for.