Divorce Advice: Child Custody and Child Visitation (part 2 of 4)

Child custody is one of the most difficult and emotionally charges aspects of a divorce. There are two primary types of custody, physical custody and legal custody.  Physical custody is awarded to parent with whom the child will live a majority of the time.  The custodial parent often shares legal custody of the child with the non-custodial parent. Legal custody refers to the right to make decisions about the child's education, religion, health care, and other significant concerns. Some parents settle on a joint-custody arrangement, through which the child spends approximately an equal amount of time with both parents. The following tips offer advice about child custody and child visitation, so that you and your soon to be ex-spouse can handle these difficult issues with the least amount of emotional strain on yourselves and your children as possible.

Tip #1: Focus on your child’s or children’s best interests. This may sound overly simple, but divorce lawyer Peter Paras stresses, “In dealing with the issue of custody, it is important to know that it is the children’s best interests that are the central focus of the court’s concern.” Divorce attorney Bonny Reis agrees, stating, “One of the most important [elements of] good parenting is the ability of a parent to subordinate his or her needs to the needs of the child. Once people begin to understand that and stop seeing the child’s needs through the lens of their own feelings, they become much better parents and much better candidates for custody.” It is essential to keep your negativity toward your former spouse from damaging your child’s relationship with him or her, as well as your child’s perceptions of him or her. When it comes to deciding custody arrangements, courts tend to look favorably on parents who are respectful and cooperative during the divorce proceedings.

Tip #2: There are two ways to resolve the issue of child custody. First, the parents can reach a compromise, thereby recognizing that the children are entitled to know both of their parents and structuring the children’s future in a collaborative manner.  Second, in cases where extenuating circumstances make compromise extremely difficult or impossible, a judge will make the custody decision. Peter Paras, an experienced divorce lawyer, points out, “One of the most critical elements in deciding whether or not compromises can be reached or not is how well the parents can communicate and whether the parents have a recognition that the other parent has a right to have a relationship with the children and that the children have a right to have a relationship with both parents.”

Tip #3: Establish a fixed visitation schedule. When a court establishes visitation rights for a noncustodial parent, it usually orders reasonable visitation. In order for the reasonable visitation approach to succeed, both parents must cooperate and communicate frequently. Fixed visitation refers to the establishment of a detailed visitation schedule by the court, including the times and places for visitation with the noncustodial parent. Divorce attorney Bonny Reis favors this approach. “I feel strongly that there has to be a schedule…when you have a schedule as a default, both parents know when they can make time for themselves. To have a schedule shows that the parents respect one another and respect one another’s right to go on with their lives.” Another important beneficial result of fixed schedules is that they provide greater stability for the child. The child will know when to expect spending time with each of his or her parents, leading to healthier, more solid relationships and less tension between family members.

Divorce case involves many different types of issues, including preparing for your divorce, child support, assets and property, and alimony, all of which will be addressed in this series.

For more divorce advice, refer back to Part 1 of this series and look for the upcoming installments:
Part 1: Divorce Advice: Preparing for Your Divorce
Part 3: Divorce Advice: Child Support and Alimony
Part 4: Divorce Advice: Assets and Property Division