Jon Patrick Engineer, (new) Husband, Father, Lover, Divorce Survivor http://www.squidoo.com/Divorce_Advice_for_men
This is a personal Letter.
If you're faced with an impending divorce - I've been there. As they say, "I've done that".
And I empathise with you completely.
I don't know where you are in the process right now.
- Perhaps it's just crossing your mind.
- Perhaps your spouse has informed you of the desire for a divorce.
- Or, perhaps, you're neck-deep in it right now.
Regardless, this article is here to help you cope, and learn from another's experiences and mistakes.
But, because I'm a man, this is focused on Divorce Advice for MEN! Let's face it, the deck is stacked in favor of the women!
First, a couple of quick pieces of advice:
1. Get a Lawyer. Even if your separation is going amicably, you still need to invest in a high-quality lawyer to advise you! Perhaps you have furniture or an investment you inherited. These MAY not qualify to be considered as joint property, for example. A lawyer can advise you not only on your rights, but also the timelines involved for the filing, separation, and final divorce. Simply put, it varies dramatically from State to State, and during this time you don't want to tackle it yourself.
2.Educate yourself! I found a terrific book that provided an amazing amount of information about techniques and strategies to protect your rights; unfortunately, I found it after I was already separated and had signed the agreement! This type of information is worth it's weight in gold, and I highly recommend you arm yourself with the questions you don't even know you have right now, and go to a Lawyer armed with the right thoughts and questions to ask!
3. Don't beat yourself up (emotionally). This is a rough time, and no-one can came through it unscathed or unchanged. You're human, and it's a FACT that the emotions we feel during a divorce are very similar (or stronger) than when dealing with the death of a loved one. (Again, personal experience). Allow yourself to cry and mourn, but recognize when you need to be strong - when standing up for your rights and those of your children!
It's hard to recognize it when you're going through it, but you're not the only person to go through this.
Check out these interesting statistics:
- First Marriage: 45% to 50% marriages end in divorce
- Percentage of population that is divorced: 10% (up from 8% in 1990, 6% in 1980)
- The divorce rate in 2005 (per 1,000 people) was 3.6
You're Not Alone!
Do a Bing search for "divorce support" in your area, or check out meetup.com for that term. You'll find dozens of other people in the same situation on- and off-line willing to help support you. Good luck.
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