Divorce Advice: Preparing for Your Divorce (part 1 of 4)

This article is the first in a series of four that offers solid practical legal advice for individuals facing the prospect of a divorce. It is important to adequately prepare yourself properly for the legal process ahead in order to avoid any further unnecessary emotional stress during this difficult time.

Tip #1: Understanding the legitimate legal grounds for divorce in the view of the court is an important preliminary step in getting a divorce. The traditional grounds for divorce are known as fault grounds, and include transgressions such as adultery, extreme cruelty, desertion, alcoholism, incarceration and sexual deviance on the part of one spouse. A no-fault divorce does not assign blame to either partner, and occurs when both spouses agree that the marriage could not be repaired over time or through counseling. Be sure to research the specific laws regarding the grounds for divorce in your state in order to educate yourself on this preliminary aspect of divorce. A divorce lawyer can help you understand which legal statutes apply to your circumstances.

Tip #2: If you are contemplating a divorce, you may be wondering whether you should move out of the house. Divorce lawyer Peter Paras offers this insight: “Legally, if you leave your house, you don’t give up any of your rights to the house, to your children, or to anything. Sometimes leaving the house is a practical solution that makes a great deal of sense for everybody because it may help to reduce the stress and anxiety of everybody in the family, which will help to make the case go a little more smoothly.” On the other hand, Paras adds, “There are other times when it would be detrimental for tactical reasons to leave the house and those would have to be explored on an individual basis.” A general principle to remember when making a decision about whether or not to leave the house is that the more a couple can cooperate and compromise, the faster and smoother the whole divorce process will be. If you have children, it’s important to consider their well being and emotional state as well when making this decision.

Tip #3: It’s important to be prepared for your initial visit with your divorce attorney. Divorce attorney Bonny Reis suggests, “Before you see a lawyer, go through the house and take the financial records that you can find because although we’re entitled to get them in discovery, sometimes that is a long and costly process. The more you can bring to your lawyer to begin with, the better off you are and the less expensive your divorce is going to be.” Financial records that are especially helpful include bank account records, brokerage account records, tax returns, and Quicken records. “If someone keeps their books and pays their bills on Quicken or some program like that, it gives us in a nutshell the family’s lifestyle. It saves a lot in attorney’s fees and in accountant’s fees, and it enables us to give the judge a picture of exactly how the family lived,” Reis explains. Bringing your divorce lawyer proof of your significant other’s transgressions, such as incriminating photographs, is not very productive because the court views divorce as essentially an economic decision. As difficult as it may be, it is best to try to keep your emotions in check and focus on the practical concerns at hand.

Divorce case involves many different types of issues, including child custody, child visitation, child support, assets and property, and alimony, all of which will be addressed in parts 2-4 of this series.

Look for the upcoming installments of this series:
Part 2: Child Custody and Child Visitation
Part 3: Child Support and Alimony
Part 4: Assets and Property Division