Success Strategist, coach and best-selling author, Carolyn B. Ellis, is the founder of ThriveAfterDivorce.com, created for divorced people who want to stop struggling and start thriving. To get free tips on every aspect of living through a divorce, from legal issues to single parenting to getting back into the dating world, visit www.ThriveAfterDivorce.com.
Einstein said the definition of insanity is doing the same things over and over again and expecting different results. You need to learn to be strategic in where you spend your precious energy. Here are some common energy drains and how you can plug them.
Energy Drain #1, - Pity Parties and Gossip-Mongering
It's natural to feel sorry for yourself and to enjoy the sympathy of others. However, don't make it a long-standing habit. What you focus your attention on expands. Keeping your energy on the negative ultimately keeps you more stuck in the mud, than moving out of it.
Solution: Set a time-limit to any pity parties. Decline invitations to gossip-mongering or ex-bashing conversations. Simply let people know you've decided to focus on creating a great future for yourself, instead of endlessly rehashing the past.
Energy Drain #2 - Expect Your Social Friendships to Stay the Same
In most cases, a divorce creates a shift in your social landscape, despite good intentions that you "keep in touch." Family members decide that blood is ultimately thicker than water and you lose touch with them. You drop out of the social calendars of some of your "friends." Your energy drops as you see your social network change.
Solution: Realize that some change in your social fabric is inevitable. Bless those people who've been in your life and let them go with gratitude. Letting go of relationships that no longer fit will help you start to attract new friendships that will inspire and support you moving forward.
Energy Drain #3 - Neglect Your Physical Environment
You arrive home after a busy day and the first thing you see is..what? Unopened mail? Dirty dishes in the sink? Stacks of partially read newspapers? There's nothing like physical clutter to make your energy level sink like a stone. You try keep on top of your home environment, but you feel lethargic at the thought of tidying things up.
Solution: You don't have to become a total neat freak, but give yourself the gift of creating a peaceful environment that supports and nurtures you. Start small and simple. Pick a project and set your timer to 10 minutes and do as much as you can. You'll be surprised at how revitalizing it can be to reclaim your physical space.
Energy Drain #4 - Live in Overdrive
Moving through a major life transition can be painful and lonely. Some people make the mistake of keeping really busy so they don't have time to think or feel. They hope that by living in overdrive somehow the pain will go away.
Solution: You cannot heal what you are unwilling to feel. Leave a space for quiet reflection and introspection. Instead of starving your spiritual life, invite forms of stillness in your life so you can tap into your wisdom. Let your intuition show you the next steps on your path.
Energy Drain #5 - Go it Alone
Another common energy drain is the belief that you have to solve your problems all by yourself. People keep a stiff upper lip and don't want to admit they need help. It takes a lot of energy to keep that brave front up!
Solution: Get yourself some support. Connecting with a group of like-minded individuals is so helpful not only because of what you can learn, but because of the realization that you are not alone. That's part of the power of the Thrive Community calls we have here at Thrive after Divorce. Find a trusted friend, divorce buddy or divorce coach so you can talk through your specific issues.
- Related Videos
- Related Articles
- Ask / Related Q&A
- Holiday Survival Tips For Divorced Families
- Divorce & Family Law Glossary of Terms
- New York Divorce & Family Law
- Blending Divorced Families - A Real Life Issue
- Divorced Families and Book Inventory Software
- MySpace, Facebook, GPS and other e-Discovery: Coming Soon to a Texas Divorce Proceeding Near You
- Dishonest Marriages vs "Good Divorces"
- FAILED MARRIAGES, ONE DIVORCE TOO MANY: By Chris Okafor




My Husband Wants to Divorce Me – Helpful Advice To Save The Marriage and Stop The Divorce
By: Festus Kofi | 27/12/2009My husband wants to divorce me. Is there any helpful advice to save the marriage and stop the divorce? Yes. There are. You can reverse the divorce as quickly as possible as long as you are willing to open your mind to learn and make some corrective changes in your relationship with your husband.
My boyfriend peed on me. is it normal
By: simon | 27/12/2009For most individuals, ending relationships are the worst of all nightmares. Normally you can't sleep, eat, rest and relax because every time you look at something, it triggers memories of your past lover. Getting over an ex is ne'er easy for many individuals. It requires purpose and willpower to overpower your emotions and live through it every day. If you require to know how to get over an ex, then this article will surely help you to stress on going on with your life.
How do I get over my wife leaving me
By: simon | 27/12/2009I've found that a lot of people, been dumped are the worst of all experiences. Normally you can not catch some Z's, eat, rest and relax because every time you look at something, it reminds you of your ex. To get over your ex is ne'er painless for most people. It requires determination and willpower to overpower your emotions and live through it each day. If you require to know how to get over an ex, then this information will surely assist you to focus on moving on with your life.
How can i get over my bastard ex boyfriend
By: simon | 27/12/2009For a lot of people, breakups are the worst of all nightmares. You normally you can't sleep, eat, rest and relax because when you think about something, it triggers memories of your ex. Getting over your ex is ne'er easy for most people. It requires purpose and self-will to overtake your emotions and live through it every day. If you desire to know how to get over an ex, then this report will surely service you to focus on advancing with your life.
Should I CALL my Ex-Boyfriend I really miss him
By: simon | 27/12/2009I've found that most people, breakups are the worst of all experiences. You normally you can't catch some Z's, eat, rest and relax because every time you think about something, it triggers memories of your ex. To get over your ex is ne'er painless for many people. It needs purpose and will power to overpower your emotions and get over it each day. If you require to know how to get over an ex, then this report will certainly assist you to stress on going on with your life.
letting go over ex boyfriend
By: simon | 27/12/2009For a lot of individuals, breakups are the worst of all experiences. Usually you can not sleep, eat, rest and relax because when you look at something, it reminds you of your ex. To get over an ex is never easy for most individuals. It requires determination and willpower to overcome your emotions and live through it every day. If you desire to know how to get over an ex, then this report will surely assist you to stress on moving on with your life.
I need some ex-boyfriend advice. Please help
By: simon | 27/12/2009For most people, ending relationships are the worst of all nightmares. You normally you can not catch some Z's, eat, rest and relax because when you think about something, it triggers memories of your past lover. To get over an ex is never easy for many people. It needs purpose and self-will to overtake your emotions and get through it every day. If you desire to know how to get over an ex, then this information will for sure assist you to focus on moving on with your life.
What are ways to get my ex boyfriend come crawling back to me
By: simon | 27/12/2009I've found that a lot of individuals, breakups are the worst of all nightmares. You normally you can not sleep, eat, rest and relax because when you look at something, it triggers memories of your past lover. Getting over your ex is ne'er easy for many individuals. It requires determination and will power to overcome your emotions and get over it every day. If you need to know how to get over an ex, then this information will for sure service you to focus on going on with your life.
Loving Yourself Through Your Divorce Journey
By: Carolyn Ellis | 27/07/2009 | DivorceWhen we're going through a stressful time like a divorce, how do you move forward? These are the moments that define who you are and reveal the important inner workings of your own mind. Sure, it's easy to feel good about yourself when things are going your way. More important to consider is how you feel about yourself when the going gets tough. When you stumble and fall along your path, do you dust yourself off with a loving hand or do you reach for a club to beat yourself forward?
Measuring Self-Worth After Divorce
By: Carolyn Ellis | 10/07/2009 | Divorce# Divorce can really knock your self-esteem for a loop. When you're in an intimate relationship with another human being, a huge sense of who you are and your self-worth is tied up in the relationship. When that committed relationship ends, the degree to which you're reliant on someone else for your sense of self-worth becomes painfully obvious.
Peaceful Blended-Family Events Can Happen!
By: Carolyn Ellis | 10/07/2009 | ParentingBlended families are becoming more and more the norm. One in three Americans is a member of a blended family.
Procrastination-The Dream Stealer
By: Carolyn Ellis | 10/07/2009 | Self ImprovementProcrastination can be a dream stealer. When we procrastinate, we start to lose our focus, drain our energy and ultimately cause our self-esteem to plummet but it doesn’t have to. Discover 6 strategies to tame the procrastination beast.
Self-Care - Stop Going For the Martyr Medal
By: Carolyn Ellis | 10/07/2009 | DivorceDivorce is one of the most emotionally demanding life transitions you'll ever encounter. One big pitfall is what I call "going for the martyr medal." You get so preoccupied and consumed with making sure everyone else is taken care of first, that your own needs fall by the wayside. Single parents are often strong contenders for the martyr medal, but divorcees without children can also fall prey to this common mistake.
Step-Parenting - 7 Ways to Undermine Your Blended Family
By: Carolyn Ellis | 10/07/2009 | ParentingBlended families are becoming a reality for more people every year. Did you know that one in three Americans is part of a blended family, either as a step-parent, step-child or step-sibling? What kind of blended family will you have ...
The Cancer Of Clutter
By: Carolyn Ellis | 10/07/2009 | Self ImprovementTake a look around your home or your office and notice what's there. Proliferation of clutter in our lives operates very much like a cancer growth. It can start out small, but if left unchecked, clutter will grow to the point where you feel unproductive, distracted and unable to move forward towards your goals. Tips to clear out the old and make way for the new.
The Power of Appreciation
By: Carolyn Ellis | 10/07/2009 | RelationshipsIs there anything more mysterious in the world than the formula to having a successful romantic relationship? As a divorced woman, I now marvel at those who are able to create passionate, loving, long-term relationships. From my studies with books and the school of hard knocks, I believe that one of the most important ingredients in relationships, of all kinds, is appreciation.