How to Separate When You Can't Afford Too

Healthy Separation Tips: How to leave your spouse when you don’t have enough money. 

Many people are in relationships they are not satisfied with. Extreme circumstances and obligations leave a couple feeling trapped. Most of the time it has to do with their financial constraints.  Our households of today are built on double income levels.  This intensifies the feelings that we are stuck in an unwanted situation. When a divorce or separation becomes inevitable, you don’t have to feel that way. First of all, I don’t condone divorce. However, sometimes it’s the only way.  Divorce should be a very last resort. The key to a healthy separation is to remain unemotional. "As hard as that sounds", it will determine your success. Put your emotions aside and deal with a situation objectively.  When you have exhausted options and divorce or separation become apparent, think of these few things to help you through. 

Make a Plan:  As much as we don’t want to do this, sitting down and talking about your living conditions and how to budget that for two separate lifestyles will become crucial. Fatigue can set in when you begin this journey but don’t let it dissuade your actions.  Making a plan means that you need to make a budget. Most of this constraint will rely on how your new living conditions will be set up. This entails seeking only what you can afford.  Can you afford to sell the house? Can you afford to buy a condo or a smaller house? Do you need to move to an apartment? Whatever you decide, this must be determined first.  Many condos are priced to sell right now, and make a great option to maintain resale value down the road. Paying into an apartment obviously leaves zero rewards. Having your living arrangement well thought out is a big part of the separation process, so get it done first.

Make your Budget:  Once you have decided on your living conditions, your budget is next. Make a list based upon what you both make monthly. Take that list and determine your needs for you and the kids. Remember that some things may need to be left out. This is where you prioritize. There are probably going to be some cosmetic things that will have to go for a while. But if you are living together and miserable, it should be a small price to pay to be happier. You don’t want to stay in your marriage strictly because you can afford facials once a week.

Discipline: Having diligence to carry out your plan means everything to your success. You have decided that your separation is the way to go, so now you need to take that action.  Most separations become dangerous when decisions can’t be reached. Being realistic about the final outcome, which is your happiness, will help you to stay focused. Once the kids have grown or you obtain better wages, you will find that you will have the freedom to live within a lifestyle you have always wanted. But for now the reality is that you are at least curing one of the two evils, “Your happiness”.       

Success in a separation means that you are well contained emotionally, prioritizing your living conditions and not failing to realize that you are providing a much better outcome to your future, your happiness. When parents are happier, the kids are happier.