Loving Yourself Through Your Divorce Journey

<h1>Loving Yourself Through Your Divorce Journey</h1>Author: <a title="Carolyn Ellis" href="http://www.articlesbase.com/authors/carolyn-ellis/25125.htm">Carolyn Ellis</a> The secret to peace of mind and success is in learning to love yourself unconditionally. I coached a client I'll call Sarah who was going through a separation. Sarah's internal dialogue was toxic. "How could you be so stupid?", "If you had been a better person this never would have happened to you!" and "You are going to be single forever" are just a few examples of the self-talk she had. Until we worked together, Sarah was not completely aware of how she treated herself. Sarah was a dog-lover. The penny dropped when I asked her if she would ever speak to her dogs this way when teaching them new tricks. Her answer was "Absolutely not! That would be cruel and totally discouraging to them! It would make it much harder for them to trust me in the future." Sarah realized she was willing to give her dogs more love, respect and encouragement than she was giving herself. This was the beginning of her shift to leading with her heart. Often people try to move forward through adversity by bullying or intimidating themselves. Others endlessly second-guess and judge themselves. Sometimes people shame themselves. Sarah was skilled in all of these modes. If you want powerful and long-lasting results, learn how to love yourself through your journey. Be gentle and loving with yourself. Encourage yourself for every step along the way. Celebrate your victories and your losses, because each experience will bring you to a greater understanding of who you really are. Here are some strategies to get you started: 1. Identify Your M.O. What does your typical inner dialogue sound like when you come up against a challenge? Does that voice sound critical, blaming or judgmental? Ask yourself where did you first hear that voice. Perhaps it was with a parent or a teacher when you were a young child. Consider whether that person got her desired results in life by using that type of dialogue. 2. Connect with Your Heart Research compiled by The HeartMath Institute shows that your heart emits an electromagnetic field that can be measure up to 8 to 10 feet outside your physical body. The heart's field is approximately 5,000 times greater in strength than the field produced by your brain! The heart plays a central role not only in circulating blood, but in many other ways that improve our immune system and manage stress. Connecting with your heart can be as simple as taking a moment to place your hand on it, close your eyes and take some deep breaths while bringing your awareness to your heart center. Connect with your heart to help break out of the pattern of negative dialogue. 3. Let A Dog be Your Yardstick You don't need to be a dog owner to adopt this strategy. Become aware of the thoughts you hold about yourself or the beliefs you have. Stop and ask yourself whether you would treat a dog, or a small child, in the same way. If not, stop and connect with your heart again. Treat yourself in that moment to some kindness and encouragement. Thank yourself for breaking the pattern and creating a new commitment to loving yourself forward, instead of beating yourself up. In each moment of challenge and despair, there is an opportunity to transform it into a moment of revelation and insight. The key to that transformation is leading with your heart. About the Author: Success Strategist, coach and best-selling author, Carolyn B. Ellis, is the founder of ThriveAfterDivorce.com, created for divorced people who want to stop struggling and start thriving. To get free tips on every aspect of living through a divorce, from legal issues to single parenting to getting back into the dating world, visit <a href="http://www.ThriveAfterDivorce.com." target="_blank">www.ThriveAfterDivorce.com.</a>Article Source: <a href="http://www.articlesbase.com/">ArticlesBase.com</a> - <a href="http://www.articlesbase.com/divorce-articles/loving-yourself-through-your-divorce-journey-1073551.html" title="Loving Yourself Through Your Divorce Journey">Loving Yourself Through Your Divorce Journey</a>

The secret to peace of mind and success is in learning to love yourself unconditionally.

I coached a client I'll call Sarah who was going through a separation. Sarah's internal dialogue was toxic. "How could you be so stupid?", "If you had been a better person this never would have happened to you!" and "You are going to be single forever" are just a few examples of the self-talk she had. Until we worked together, Sarah was not completely aware of how she treated herself. Sarah was a dog-lover. The penny dropped when I asked her if she would ever speak to her dogs this way when teaching them new tricks. Her answer was "Absolutely not! That would be cruel and totally discouraging to them! It would make it much harder for them to trust me in the future." Sarah realized she was willing to give her dogs more love, respect and encouragement than she was giving herself. This was the beginning of her shift to leading with her heart.

Often people try to move forward through adversity by bullying or intimidating themselves. Others endlessly second-guess and judge themselves. Sometimes people shame themselves. Sarah was skilled in all of these modes.

If you want powerful and long-lasting results, learn how to love yourself through your journey. Be gentle and loving with yourself. Encourage yourself for every step along the way. Celebrate your victories and your losses, because each experience will bring you to a greater understanding of who you really are.

Here are some strategies to get you started:

1. Identify Your M.O.

What does your typical inner dialogue sound like when you come up against a challenge? Does that voice sound critical, blaming or judgmental? Ask yourself where did you first hear that voice. Perhaps it was with a parent or a teacher when you were a young child. Consider whether that person got her desired results in life by using that type of dialogue.

2. Connect with Your Heart

Research compiled by The HeartMath Institute shows that your heart emits an electromagnetic field that can be measure up to 8 to 10 feet outside your physical body. The heart's field is approximately 5,000 times greater in strength than the field produced by your brain! The heart plays a central role not only in circulating blood, but in many other ways that improve our immune system and manage stress. Connecting with your heart can be as simple as taking a moment to place your hand on it, close your eyes and take some deep breaths while bringing your awareness to your heart center. Connect with your heart to help break out of the pattern of negative dialogue.

3. Let A Dog be Your Yardstick

You don't need to be a dog owner to adopt this strategy. Become aware of the thoughts you hold about yourself or the beliefs you have. Stop and ask yourself whether you would treat a dog, or a small child, in the same way. If not, stop and connect with your heart again. Treat yourself in that moment to some kindness and encouragement. Thank yourself for breaking the pattern and creating a new commitment to loving yourself forward, instead of beating yourself up.

In each moment of challenge and despair, there is an opportunity to transform it into a moment of revelation and insight. The key to that transformation is leading with your heart.

Success Strategist, coach and best-selling author, Carolyn B. Ellis, is the founder of ThriveAfterDivorce.com, created for divorced people who want to stop struggling and start thriving. To get free tips on every aspect of living through a divorce, from legal issues to single parenting to getting back into the dating world, visit www.ThriveAfterDivorce.com.

Rate this Article:

0 / 5 stars - 0 vote(s)

Re-Publish

Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/divorce-articles/loving-yourself-through-your-divorce-journey-1073551.html

Article Tags: divorce, family, relationships, thrive after divorce, carolyn ellis

Related Videos
Related Articles
Ask / Related Q&A

Play

The Necessity of Loving Yourself for Weight Loss

Play

How Do I Tell Him I Want A Divorce

Play

Essential Post-Divorce Tip

Play

Tracy Porter Be Extraordinary Video - Believe in Yourself!

Play

Love Advice - Is There A Right Way To Argue and Fight?

Latest Divorce Articles
More from Carolyn Ellis

Ive been dreaming about my ex boyfriend what does tha mean

By: Julia Matiko | 02/01/2010
I've found that a lot of people, ending relationships are the worst of all nightmares. Normally you can't catch some Z's, eat, rest and relax because when you think about something, it reminds you of your past lover. Getting over an ex is never painless for most people. It takes determination and willpower to overcome your emotions and get over it every day. If you require to know how to get over an ex, then this information will for sure assist you to stress on advancing with your life.

How can i get over my ex-boyfriend

By: Julia Matiko | 02/01/2010
For most individuals, been dumped are the worst of all nightmares. Normally you can't sleep, eat, rest and relax because when you think about something, it triggers memories of your ex. To get over your ex is never simple for most individuals. It requires decision and will power to overpower your emotions and live over it every day. If you require to know how to get over an ex, then this information will certainly assist you to focus on progressing with your life.

I need help writing a letter to an ex boyfriend/kids father

By: Julia Matiko | 02/01/2010
I've found that many people, breakups are the worst of all experiences. You normally you can't catch some Z's, eat, rest and relax because when you think about something, it reminds you of your past lover. To get over your ex is ne'er easy for most people. It requires decision and self-will to overpower your emotions and get over it every day. If you require to know how to get over an ex, then this report will for sure help you to focus on advancing with your life.

Typical Causes for Divorce - Avoid These Typical Causes for Divorce

By: Sutikno Slamet | 02/01/2010
It’s been noted that one of the main things that leads to divorce is marriage. Ridiculous statement, but true. And, as ridiculous and true as it may be, people will continue to marry and will continue to divorce.

Found out last night my ex boyfriend is now dating my closest

By: Julia Matiko | 02/01/2010
For a lot of individuals, ending relationships are the worst of all experiences. Normally you can't catch some Z's, eat, rest and relax because when you think about something, it reminds you of your past lover. Getting over an ex is never easy for many individuals. It needs purpose and willpower to overtake your emotions and get through it each day. If you want to know how to get over an ex, then this information will surely help you to focus on progressing with your life.

Does my girlfriend still have feelings for her ex boyfriend

By: Julia Matiko | 02/01/2010
For most people, been dumped are the worst of all nightmares. Normally you can not catch some Z's, eat, rest and relax because every time you think about something, it triggers memories of your past lover. Getting over an ex is ne'er simple for most people. It needs purpose and willpower to overcome your emotions and live through it every day. If you need to know how to get over an ex, then this article will for sure assist you to stress on going on with your life.

How long should you give your boyfriend to get over his ex

By: Julia Matiko | 02/01/2010
I've found that many individuals, been dumped are the worst of all experiences. Normally you can't catch some Z's, eat, rest and relax because every time you look at something, it triggers memories of your ex. Getting over an ex is ne'er painless for many individuals. It needs decision and willpower to overtake your emotions and get through it every day. If you want to know how to get over an ex, then this report will certainly assist you to stress on progressing with your life.

How do you get over your ex boyfriend

By: Julia Matiko | 02/01/2010
For many individuals, ending relationships are the worst of all experiences. Normally you can't catch some Z's, eat, rest and relax because every time you think about something, it reminds you of your past lover. To get over your ex is ne'er easy for many individuals. It requires decision and will power to overtake your emotions and live over it every day. If you need to know how to get over an ex, then this report will for sure service you to stress on going on with your life.

Loving Yourself Through Your Divorce Journey

By: Carolyn Ellis | 27/07/2009 | Divorce
When we're going through a stressful time like a divorce, how do you move forward? These are the moments that define who you are and reveal the important inner workings of your own mind. Sure, it's easy to feel good about yourself when things are going your way. More important to consider is how you feel about yourself when the going gets tough. When you stumble and fall along your path, do you dust yourself off with a loving hand or do you reach for a club to beat yourself forward?

Measuring Self-Worth After Divorce

By: Carolyn Ellis | 10/07/2009 | Divorce
# Divorce can really knock your self-esteem for a loop. When you're in an intimate relationship with another human being, a huge sense of who you are and your self-worth is tied up in the relationship. When that committed relationship ends, the degree to which you're reliant on someone else for your sense of self-worth becomes painfully obvious.

Peaceful Blended-Family Events Can Happen!

By: Carolyn Ellis | 10/07/2009 | Parenting
Blended families are becoming more and more the norm. One in three Americans is a member of a blended family.

Procrastination-The Dream Stealer

By: Carolyn Ellis | 10/07/2009 | Self Improvement
Procrastination can be a dream stealer. When we procrastinate, we start to lose our focus, drain our energy and ultimately cause our self-esteem to plummet but it doesn’t have to. Discover 6 strategies to tame the procrastination beast.

Step-Parenting - 7 Ways to Undermine Your Blended Family

By: Carolyn Ellis | 10/07/2009 | Parenting
Blended families are becoming a reality for more people every year. Did you know that one in three Americans is part of a blended family, either as a step-parent, step-child or step-sibling? What kind of blended family will you have ...

The Cancer Of Clutter

By: Carolyn Ellis | 10/07/2009 | Self Improvement
Take a look around your home or your office and notice what's there. Proliferation of clutter in our lives operates very much like a cancer growth. It can start out small, but if left unchecked, clutter will grow to the point where you feel unproductive, distracted and unable to move forward towards your goals. Tips to clear out the old and make way for the new.

The Power of Appreciation

By: Carolyn Ellis | 10/07/2009 | Relationships
Is there anything more mysterious in the world than the formula to having a successful romantic relationship? As a divorced woman, I now marvel at those who are able to create passionate, loving, long-term relationships. From my studies with books and the school of hard knocks, I believe that one of the most important ingredients in relationships, of all kinds, is appreciation.