Tips for Single Dads

There is a preceived sacred bond between mother and child. While the latter can live without the father without much of a problem, absence of mother in early childhood can pose tremendous problems for a kid.

No father can offer the tenderness, affection and emotional care to a child like a mother can. This is how God has meant it to be. The genes of a baby and mother are hot-wired for each other. Neither can live in peace without the other.

Still, there are divorce cases where fathers have to be perforce assigned child custody. There can be any number of reasons for this, such as when a mother may be mentally instable, involved in drug abuse, may be incarcerated, may have abandoned the family for a new lover or she simply may be interested in going her own way with no strings attached.

Men and household chores have historically been total strangers. This is because since times immemorial, there has been a division of labour between husband and wife. The former has always gone out to work and earn bread, while the latter has remained at home and tended to children and kitchen. In the modern world, this arrangement often goes topsy-turvy. Women go out to work while men have to take care of the children when their mom is not around.

When men get child custody after divorce, they get it both ways – not only do they have to go to office every day for work, they also have to manage the house and the children. They are forced to do the work of both the parents with no one to help them.

It is a shock for the kids too. For them it is a strange feeling to look up to their dad for every big and small need. It remains an uneasy arrangement for the first few months. But time is a great teacher and gradually, the kids as well as their father come to terms with single-fatherhood and begin to accept the situation as it exists.

The biggest problem for dads is managing the kitchen. Single fathers have to take some cooking lessons in a hurry. Kids need nutritious food as their body is growing up. They just cannot have fast food on a regular basis. So it is essential that you download some good recipes from the Net or thumb through a recipe book and try to master the dishes on weekends.

Also, it is a good idea to include lot of fruit and vegetable salads in the menu. These do not require a lot of preparation but are still full of vitamins and other nutrients. Meal times are when you should enforce a little discipline and tell the kids to carry their utensils to the kitchen and clean up the table.

Laundry should be done on Sunday every week. Putting clothes through a washing machine on weekdays will add to your headache and you may become tired or reach office late the following morning. You should buy enough clothes and school uniforms of the children to last at least five days without washing.

Kids have to go to school every morning. You as single dad would have a major role to play in this daily ritual. Try to get up an hour before the kids to take care of their lunch. Also, make it a point to have everything ready the night before. Their school uniforms should be ironed, their shoes polished and their bags ready beforehand.

Bringing up daughters can be a bit tricky for single fathers. You have to respect their privacy but still have to be their confidante. It is better to take the help of a friend’s wife or some female relative in bringing your daughter up. You should take her out shopping regularly and buy clothes of her choice as you won’t be able to judge yourself what clothes she should be wearing.

As a single father, you can never replace mothers. Even trying to do so is futile. Kids can relate to you only as a father and male presence in their lives. The place of a mother in the family can never be filled up by you. It is much better to try to be a good father and give your best to the welfare and healthy upbringing of your children. The bond formed between you and your children in these early years can lay a foundation for a very strong relationship between all of you that will last a life-time.