5 Tips to Discussing Behavior Problems at School or Daycare

As a parent or guardian, your child's health and safety should be one of your top concerns. If your child is enrolled in a day care or school program and something goes wrong, you're sure to feel upset or angry. But taking an aggressive approach can sometimes make the problem worse rather than better. With that in mind, here are five proven steps you can follow to document, report and follow-up when a problem occurs involving your child.

1. First, get to the heart of the problem. Let your child tell you in his or her own words - but don't rely on their explanation as the only one. Get information from teachers, classmates or even other parents. You'll find that there are several sides to the story, and the more you know, the more fully and accurately you can approach the teacher or caretaker and voice your concerns.

2. No one likes to be on the receiving end of a harsh criticism right from the start. Try to find something worth praising or noting in the school or person who is working with your child. Starting the conversation out on a positive note shows that not only are you concerned about your child's well being, but that you also notice and appreciate the dedication and enthusiasm of the caregivers and teachers involved.

3. When it comes time to share your complaint, try to keep the issue on the actual incident instead of the people involved. This helps minimize any later confrontations (between your child and another child, for example), and also helps the teacher focus on the problem and not the ones who started it. Also, don't forget or ignore your child's possible role in the problem. Usually when an issue arises, there are two causes - not just one.

4. Don't be quick to point the fingers or judge others - no matter how tempting. Rather, work with your child's teacher or caregiver on coming up with several solutions to the problem and reaffirm your active role in your child's education. By being a problem-solver, you're not only showing that you're active and involved in your child's life, but also that you're a responsible individual who cares about coming up with solutions rather than winning arguments.

5. After you explain your concerns to the teacher or caretaker, follow up with them and your child to see how things have improved. If the situation hasn't changed, take your complaint to the next person up and repeat the steps above until a resolution has been made. Being informed and involved with your child's school shows that you're more interested in seeing quality results than making a one-time complaint and letting the issue sit while nothing is done to correct it.

Above all, show empathy and understanding toward the person being criticized. No one likes to bear the brunt of a complaint, so try to finish up the conversation on a positive or enthusiastic note. Express your confidence in the school or day care center and show that you're looking forward to a new beginning - one where everyone wins. Good luck!