The Prophet’s Wife on Steroids

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© Arthur Levine 2007
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Sarhara stormed into Johnny’s office/den in Rancho Santa Fe, California and screamed at Johnny. She was like a woman possessed or on steroids.

“How could you? I trusted you. I believed in you. Where is the bimbo? I want her out of here immediately. I want her fired. I thought I was your one true love. My father warned me about you. He told me you were a bum and a charlatan.”

Johnny responded meekly in a low weak voice, “This is your fault. You know I can’t control my urges. Why did you ever hire this blonde bombshell, Dixie Kups? Was it to tempt me? Were you testing my love for you? I guess I have failed miserably, but I still love only you. This Dixie Kups woman means nothing to me. You go ahead and fire her.”

Sarhara stormed out of the room to find Dixie and fire her, but she had already left the premises as soon as she heard that Sarhara had arrived. A bigger problem was Sarhara’s father, and the Rabbi Frenbren’s demand that Johnny take Kabala out of the name of his religion. She didn’t know how to approach Johnny on the subject. When she finally broached the subject, his response was startling.

Johnny laughed and said, “It will be my pleasure. I only added the name Kabala to pacify your old goat of a father. Let him take his ancient mysticism back to the Middle Ages. My religion is all about the here and the now and the future. The only thing I care about is you.”

Sarhara called her father to tell him the good new, but she didn’t know how to tell him she had decided to give Johnny another chance so she made up a story based on ancient Jewish mysticism.

‘Rebbi, it is your Sarhara. I have had a dream. I need you to interpret it, and tell me what to do. First let me tell you that Johnny is tasking the name of Kabala out of his religion with great sadness. This is what happened in my dream.”

“I saw a ghost like figure, an old woman with a big mole on her nose, dressed in billowing clouds of white chiffon hovering and circling over my head as I was lying in the middle of a muddy street with my cloths in taters. She spoke to me in a crackling hoarse whisper and told me that if I didn’t remain faithful to my marriage vows that I would end up going around in circles and rolling in the mud for the rest of my life, and so would my father the honorable and venerated Rabbi Frenbren. She told me that she knew this to be so because this is what happened to her when she left her Rabbi the great, great, great grandfather of my father six times removed who went by a completely different name and was from the old country. What does this mean father?

Rabbi Frenbren said in a trembling voice, “It is a vision. Our family gets them from time to time. Whatever you do don’t leave this bum Johnny the Prophet. This could bring disaster to the whole family including me. You will have to stay with the charlatan for the sake of the family. This is your curse for convincing me to let you marry this no good nick in the beginning. I wish she had told you our original family name. I can’t trace it back that far.”

“Yes father, yes, I will do as you wish. I will live with this no good bum of mine forever for the sake of the family.”

Sarhara then went to see Johnny again and told him, “Okay this is the deal. I will stay with you, but you can forget about fooling around in the foreseeable future even if you are a prophet, but if you ever are unfaithful to me again I will have you running around in circles in the mud for the rest of your life. Do you understand? The wise woman of Kabala has come to me in a dream like vision, and this is what she told me. You can count on it. I have the ‘word’ of the Ghost of Kabala.”

Johnny swore he would never be unfaithful again. He secretly thought to himself, “Boy now everyone is a prophet including my wife. I thought I was supposed to be the only one that had visions around here. Next she will be conjuring up children. Now there is a scary thought. I don’t need any little prophets running around here.”

MLMF (More later my friend)