Tell Me Who you Are..

Karim and Nadia spent most of the time arguing about nothing. In fact, they were not like that. Their life was characterised by mutual love and respect. They used to live harmoniously and pleasantly. It had never crossed their mind that one day they would be engaged in such an absurd, incongruous and meaningless sort of discussion. They were married for more than three years in which they witnessed the peak of their love and contentment. One day, around a dinner table, Karim tried to comfort Nadia by re-asserting his love and devotion to her, for he had lately noticed that his wife was being acting strangely.

-Listen, dear, you know I love you.
-You love me. You must be kidding.,
-Why should I?
-Why should you? Well, well. I know you don’t love any body.
-I beg your pardon?
-Yes. That’s the truth. You only love yourself.
-I don’t understand!!!
-Yes. That’s it. You only love yourself. You try to be nice with everyone so that you can have your image as the “perfect” man ever existed.
-But you know…
-Let me finish, will you?
-Well…
-Well. You want to build an image based on your being nice so that everyone will like and respect you and say that you’re the ideal man.
-But you know…
-I haven’t finished yet. I know you’ve been nice to me. I know you’ve helped me many a time. I know you’ve done great and noble things for me. Yet, this I don’t consider love.
-What do you consider this, then?
-I would call this selfishness in a very strange way.
-You’re talking nonsense, I’m sorry to say.
-Yes. That what I would call this… selfishness
-I just can’t see what you mean.
-Selfishness. I still can remember…

She closed her eyes, forgetfully.

he came to her and tried to help her. She was in desperate need for someone to get her out of the situation she was then in. He was so helpful, so nice and so gentleman-like. She liked him for doing that. She kept it in her heart. She wanted him to comfort her by saying sweet things to her. That he did successfully but felt they were said in a quite careless manner. She noted that everyone liked and respected him. Everyone said good things about him. Everyone said he was helpful and a gentleman at heart. She began to fancy him. She began to be as much closer to him as she could possibly be. The more she wanted to break the formalities with him, the more distant he seemed to be. He noted that as well. He finally said that he loved her. She did not want to believe him. He said it once, twice and three times. Never did she want to believe him. That was a long time ago. Yet, she could still remember that.

-You can remember what? Pray, tell me.
-I still can remember you saying that you want to be kind and nice with everyone.
-What’s wrong with that?
-Nothing, but the thing is that you care only for your reputation.
-I beg your pardon?
-Your reputation. You don’t give a damn about people’s feelings.
-You’re contradicting yourself, I must say.
-I’m telling the truth.
-O yes!
-Yes. In being kind to people, or in pretending to be kind to people, you don’t mean what you say.
-This is an insult, mind you!
-Sorry, I didn’t mean to insult you, but…
-But what? Go on.
-Sometimes what you say doesn’t have any deep meaning.
-Explain, please.
-You just say words like that without your necessarily meaning them. Is that right of false?
-Totally false.
-You mean what you say is totally false?
-Stop playing on the meaning of words.
-It’s you who are playing with words.
-Oh, that’s unbearable.
-So, you admit it, don’t you?
-I admit nothing, nothing.
-Why are you so nervous?
-I’m not nervous.
-Yes, you are nervous.
-I am not nervous, I’m telling you.
-I can see it in your face.
-My face? What’s wrong with my face?
-You see, you’re nervous.
-I’m not unless you want to make me nervous.
-Why should I?
-Why should you?
-Yes, why should I?
-Because you’re talking nonsense, you’re just imagining things.
-O, yeah?
-Yes.
-Well then, I’m talking nonsense. That is what you said, eh? I’m talking nonsense.
-I’m afraid, that’s the truth.
-The truth? What truth? It’s the truth I’d like to know.
-What truth would you like to know?
-The true nature of yours.
-The true nature of mine?
-Yep.
-I am what I am and I’m happy as I am.
-Is that all?
-Well, I guess so.
-You guess.
-Yes.
-Which means you’re not totally sure.
-What’s the matter with you? Pray, tell me!
-I’d like to know the true you.
-I’m telling you. I am what I am and I’m happy as I am.
-But I am not happy as you are.
-That’s not my problem, I’m sorry to say.
-Whose problem, then?
-I don’t know, I just don’t know.
-You see, you’re always avoiding answering my questions.
-What?
-Yes, always putting covers on your face.
-Listen, darling, are you ok?
-“Darling” what a word! What an empty word!
-Why is it empty?
-Because you don’t mean it. It’s only a common word for you.
-How common?
-Because you’re using it for everyone you know and you don’t know and even for your pets.
-My God!

She could still remember him telling a cat “darling”. She felt a bit embarrassed. She knew that he was fond of cats. She could still remember him telling her, in due conversation, that he would not bear the sight of a cat killed accidentally in a traffic jam. And when she asked him what he would do if ever she was in the same situation, he smiled and answered “are you a cat?” She felt terribly embarrassed.

-Why don’t you admit?
-Admit what?
-Admit what?
-Yes, admit what?
-Admit that you’re a strange man.
-Am I?
-Well, yes.
-What made you say that?
-Your nature.
-What about my nature?
-Here we go again.
-What’s wrong with my nature?
-You’re an enigma.
-Am I?
-You’re always ambiguous.
-Are you alright?
-Yes, I am.
-I see you’re trembling.
-I’m not.
-Yes, you are.
-But, tell me.
-Tell you what?
-Tell me who you are .
-WhO am I, eh?
-Yep.
-I am everyone.
-What?
-Yes, that’s it.
-That’s what?
-That’s what you want to know.
-No, it’s not that what I want to know.
-What do you want to know?
-I want to know your real you.
-My real me?
-Yes.
-I’m the person you’d met and fallen in love with.
-What else?
-I’m the person you’d fancied and got.
-What else?
-I’m the person you’ve not understood.
-What made you say these things now?
-What made me say these things now?
-Yep.
-Because you want me to say these things now.
-I don’t want you to say these things.
-What do you want, then?
-I want you to uncover yourself for me.
-I am as plain as daylight.
-No, I’m afraid you’re not.
-What made you think so?
-Your enigmatic nature.
-That’s not true.
-Tell me, then, why you’re always bearing a nice smile on your face?
-That’s a silly question.
-No, it’s a wise question.
-Wise question?
-Yes. Answer me.
-Because I’m happy with myself.
-You’re happy with yourself, eh?
-Yes, what’s wrong with that?
-Nothing.
-Why are you so sad?
-You see, I’ve told you that you’re selfish.
-Why?
-You’ve said you bear the smile on yourself because you’re happy with yourself.
-I have. What’s wrong with that?
-Nothing….just you think always of yourself.
-The smile is on my face not on yours.
-I know.
-You know what?
-I know that the smile is on your face not on mine.
-And you don’t like it.
-I do; but it seems a bit imposed.
-What do you mean?
-I mean, you sometimes force it on your face.
-You need some rest.
-Do I?
-You do. I should think so.
-Well…

She looked at his face. She found out a large smile on it. She hated it. She suspected it to be fake and hypocritical. She suspected that it was as meaningless as the words of love he kept saying. She suspected what he said was always casual and careless. She blamed herself on being infatuated by his dandy behaviour. So many times did she want to cry. So many times did she want to shout at his face .But she always repressed everything deep into her heart. She was not sure of what she thought. She wanted to find some evidence about what she suspected to be fake and commonplace in him. She never succeeded. She got tired of failing to find a clue to his true nature. She got exhausted in searching and never finding a clue to his true nature. He was right. She needed some rest. She thought she needed some psychological rest.

-Come, darling, go and have some sleep.
-I don’t feel sleepy.
-Well, just go and relax.
-Relax?
-Yes.
-Why?
-Because you seem to be weary.
-Oh, really?
-I said you seem to be.
-May be yes.
-Go, then. Please, do go and have some sleep.
-I’m not sleepy.
- I mean, to relax.
-Okay.
-Good girl.
-What?
-I simply said “good girl”.
-Thank you, but I’m not a cat.
-I never said you were a cat.
-Forget it.
-You’re tired. Come. Let me hold your hand.
-I can manage. Thanks anyway.
-That’s fine.

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