Organizing Paperwork Before Illness Or Death - The Questions You Must Answer

Jane sat with a glass of wine and said to me, "It has to be easier than this. I never knew how much work it would be to deal with all the paperwork. My dad was so organized."

On the porch, Jane recounted although her dad knew he was dying, he never showed his wife, nor his children, where all of the financial paperwork was in the house. Sure, his records were meticulous, and there was a room full of them. Unfortunately, the system and key for those records was in his head and he was now gone.

"He was lying in bed, at home, and he could barely talk, " Jane said. "I was on the phone with the bank and the other institutions and they kept asking me for passwords and other information he knew. He physically could not speak anymore. And the institutions we not helpful."

Jane understands the policies of the financial institutions. She's a CFO herself. No way would she give out personal information without a power of attorney or written form proving incapacitation. She explained the whole experience was just "hard", even for her, a woman who is used to dotting i's and crossing t's and making sure everything is well ordered. She found was there was no single resource she could find online to tell her all the things she needed to think about as she managed through the hospice process. Never mind what happened after her dad died.

Jane's parents were your stereotypical 1950's nuclear family: Dad had a business and Mom took care of the house and kids. Jane's mom had no idea how bills got paid and what bills there were. That was Dad's job. Jane was managing multiple big projects: her dad dying, figuring our how her mom was going to continue on without him, running her own business, and grieving the loss of a parent.

And it continues to this day, two months later. Jane called last week and said, exasperated, "I have done absolutely no billable work today at all. I've got piles of papers all over my office floor dealing with Dad." "Oh look," she then said with sarcasm, "there's the power of attorney form that isn't signed, and now he's dead. Well a lot of good that's going to do us now."

Ultimately, what Jane is handling has nothing to do with the paper and the stuff. The paperwork and stuff is getting in the way of Jane grieving and moving on. The best possible scenario would have been Jane and her mom knowing where all the important papers were well before her Dad went into hospice. If this happened, when he did pass, they would have known how to easily manage the stuff and grieve at the same time. Without a clear plan and a knowledge of where the "paperwork" was to implement the plan, Jane suffered needless anxiety during a highly emotional time.

Here are some talking points everyone should have with their spouse, parents and loved ones to ensure their desires are carried out and their legacy carries on in whatever shape it should take:

• What do you want us to do if you can no longer care for yourself?
• Do you have one central place where the important documents are kept? Where?
• Are your original documents in a fire and flood proof location? Where?
• Do you have written wishes? A will? Estate plan? How will we know what to do?
• Who do want to take the lead in making sure your wishes are carried out?
• How are you going to pay for your support/care if you are ill?

Getting all of the questions answered now, and knowing where all the pertinent financial, legal and insurance documents are reduces unnecessary stress during difficult emotional times.  Tell your family about your filing system, list on the wall or binder and make it easy for them to find what they need when you cannot.

"I wish I was more forceful with him, getting him to put all of the paperwork in one easy place for us when he was healthy" Jane said. "I'm spending so much time going through it all now. I'm ready for it to be done."