Josh Greenberger: A computer consultant for over two decades, the author has developed software for such organizations as NASA's Goddard Institute of Space Studies, AT&T, Charles Schwab, Bell Laboratories and Chase Manhattan Bank. Since 1984, the author's literary works have appeared in such periodicals as The New York Post, The Daily News, The Village Voice, The Jewish Press, and others. His articles have ranged from humor to scientific to topical events. Visit his site: shopndrop.com
Airport Luggage from shopndrop.com
Why does so much luggage get lost at airports? And how can you prevent it?
Since the beginning of time, man has been dreaming of flying. On December 17, 1903, Orville Wright turned that dream into a reality when he flew a plane 120 feet in 12 seconds. Today, with jets cruising at speeds of Mach 0.8 (Mach 1 is the speed of sound), man sits in airport terminal buildings -- "canceled" and "delayed" -- still dreaming of flying. Why is that?
This being the vacation season, it is important to be aware of some of the shortcomings of air travel. Good flying means never having to say "I've been bumped" or "Where's my luggage?" (Not that these two mishaps are the worst things -- Amelia Earhart never got bumped and her luggage was never lost.)
Probably half the people reading this article have had luggage lost by an airline at one point or another. Yet, most people don't seem to take any precautions to avert such problems. The trick is to outsmart the airlines.
One method of reducing the odds of losing luggage is a tactic developed by nuclear war strategists. For every suitcase you take on a trip, bring along four empty decoys. The chances of losing the "right" one is thereby reduced to 20 percent. If, with these kinds of odds in your favor, you lose the "right" one anyway, whatever you do, don't spend your vacation in Las Vegas.
If the airline loses all five suitcases, it's not an accident -- they're out to get you! I would strongly suggest traveling by boat. If a submarine is available, all the better. (On a submarine, instead of movies and snacks, they allow the passengers to look through the periscope and watch dolphins fly through burning bagels.)
The worst part about losing a suitcase is when they find it three months later and you no longer fit into the clothes you bought for your vacation.
There's one method which can totally eliminate the possibility of losing luggage. Instead of telling an airline you want to go to, let's say, Florida or Bermuda, tell them you want to go wherever your luggage goes. How can they possibly mess up?
What bothers me more than the lost-luggage problem, though, is the cover-up. Ever notice that no matter how many suitcases are lost on a flight the luggage carousel is always full? Who's are all those suitcases? Obviously, the airlines buy suitcases just to fill up the carrousels -- by dazzling you with an array of colorful (empty) suitcases, they figure it'll never dawn on you that your suitcase is in a holding pattern somewhere over Singapore.
Another serious problem plaguing the airline industry is the long delays. Sitting in an airport terminal building for what seems like an eternity, waiting to board a flight, sort of makes you wonder whether supersonic jets were invented just to make up for time lost at airports. Surely something more can be done to alleviate this frustrating situation. Perhaps they should have a flight attendant on the ground instead of on planes -- would you rather be comfortable on a two-hour flight to Florida, or a two-day wait at the airport? And it wouldn't hurt to have a post office at every airport -- just in case your passport expires.
The key to survival in the airline jungle is good planning. If your vacation begins, let's say, the morning of January 15th, be at the airport no later than July 23rd. This should give you enough time to get cancelled, bumped, delayed, held over, rerouted, and inconvenienced, and still get to your destination on time. Of course, this should also give you enough time to get from New York to Florida on a rubber raft. But setting up a projector and screen on a rubber raft could interfere with air currents and you could wind up in Singapore along with other people's luggage. So this is not recommended.
I think the whole mess could be straightened out with a few simple changes. They should put airline traffic controllers in charge of luggage -- this may cause some suitcases to collide every once in a while, but at least we'll know where they are at all times. To eliminate delays, every cockpit should have a pilot, a copilot, and a New York City cabbie -- a few sharp turns, a couple of loops, a nose dive here and there, and every plane would be on schedule. Finally, the baggage handlers should be put in charge of nuclear waste -- the United States government has been trying for a long time now to find a way to get rid of nuclear waste so that it never resurfaces. Are there any people better suited for this job than baggage handlers?
by Josh Greenberger from shopndrop.com
- Related Videos
- Related Articles
- Ask / Related Q&A
- Airport Luggage (humor)
- Current Airport Luggage Restrictions
- luggage tags
- David Leadbetter Golf Academy Announces Innovative Luggage Transportation Solution for Students
- What To Do About Lost Luggage At Manchester Airport
- Watch your luggage
- Airport Security and Avoiding Problems With Your Luggage
- Protect Your Luggage When Flying




Durban - city of Sports in 2010 Fifa World Cup : Cheap flights to Durban
By: cheapflightsafrica | 02/01/2010South Africa, beside an exciting Safari and holiday destination, also serves the purpose of world’s “Sports Capital”. It has a long history of proudly hosting matches, finals and world cups since the early 18th Century. Form Rugby to Soccer and Soccer to Cricket, South Africa can entertain from any to all kinds of Sports Fans....
Get Cheap Flights to South Africa and save money on Shopping
By: cheapflightsafrica | 01/01/2010First major concern is to find some good prices in flights. Those who travel regularly know that it's a tough job. What I can recommend is to check the prices of cheap flights to South Africa, online and than make a call so that you have a clear idea what prices you will be hearing....
The Mystery behind Renting a Car
By: aidalsingh | 01/01/2010Are you a person who needs an occasional drive in the weekends? Considering ‘rent a car’ as an option? Well, it sure does do a lot of good as it saves you a lot of time and money, rather than buying a new one. But, if the car renting is not done with certain precautions, it could end up burning a hole in your pocket.
The Face of the Common Man
By: aidalsingh | 01/01/2010Have you wondered what the face of a common, average person looks like? The faces of millions lost in the crowds of the moribund city life everyday. He doesn’t have a aura of people around him. He doesn’t eat in costly restaurants. He does not gift lavish gifts, neither does he receive them.
Get Online Air India Timetable for Domestic Flights
By: Arvind Khanna | 01/01/2010If you need to plan your trip and need Air India flight details or the Air India timetable then visit here and get information about Air India Domestic flights and updated Air India timetable.
Check International Flight Timetable for Air India International Flights
By: Arvind Khanna | 31/12/2009Find international flight timetable by international flight tracker and book Air India international flights online. Get discount Air India flights for domestic and international travel.
Consult Indian Airlines Flight Timings for Your Travel Plans
By: Arvind Khanna | 31/12/2009Get Indian Airlines international flight schedule online and book Indian Airlines international flights according to Indian Airlines fight timings. Book Indian Airlines international flights ticket online with us.
Private Jet Charter Prices ? 8 Factors to Determine Charter Cost
By: fuaduzakiah | 31/12/2009Prices given by private jet charter companies vary widely, we must understand about the components that determine the price they gave. By understanding the pricing component of private jet charter services, then we will not be fooled by the cheap prices determined by the agents
The Aimless Presidency of Barack Obama
By: Josh Greenberger | 26/07/2009 | PoliticsBarack Obama's utter failure to accomplish a damn thing in office besides drive our country into deeper crisis is, I believe, not an organized plan of any sort. It's something more fundamental than that. This is a man drunk with power and his own perceived glory.
The Barack Obama Con Job Continues
By: Josh Greenberger | 22/07/2009 | PoliticsSupporters of Barack Obama's current national healthcare initiative are being taken in by a new self-serving con. "Health care for everyone" is health care for no one.
Top 10 Signs Your Life Is Too Similar To David Letterman's
By: Josh Greenberger | 14/06/2009 | HumorSummary: Top 10 Signs Your Life Is Too Similar To David Letterman's
The Myth That Speciation Is Evolution
By: Josh Greenberger | 12/06/2009 | ScienceYou often hear evolutionists point to speciation as evidence of evolution. This couldn't be farther from the truth.
The Fossil Ida Is An Assault On A Gullible Public
By: Josh Greenberger | 20/05/2009 | ScienceOne fossil does not represent a transitional species any more than the remains of a two-headed snake represents a transition of snakes from one head to two heads.
Tiktaalik: Scientists' Insult to the Public's Intelligence
By: Josh Greenberger | 22/01/2009 | ScienceDo scientists' interpretations of evolutionary data represent a case of following preconceived notions, while neglecting other more logical explanations that are actually supported by independent empirical evidence?
Introduction to Affiliate Program Income
By: Josh Greenberger | 14/12/2008 | EntrepreneurshipStarting a business is usually an expensive proposition. But with an online "affiliate program" you can at least eliminate most of the setup expenses.
What's Happening to our Once-robust Economy?
By: Josh Greenberger | 30/11/2008 | PoliticsWe've tried every trick in the book to fix our economy -- reducing interest rates, bailouts, stimulus packages, etc. -- but nothing's helped. Why is this so hard to fix?