~ Why Success Seems So Hard ~

Think back to when you were about to make a major change in your life or take on a big project. Let’s say you’re getting re-married, uh-oh, now that can be a big change. How about changing careers, starting a new business or moving your family. Can you feel the fear and trepidation resurface, the doubt, the queasy feeling in your stomach? Do you remember beginning to analyze your thoughts, decisions, to procrastinate and think to yourself, should I or shouldn’t I?

Well, I’ve experienced all of the above changes in my life and I know I did. I’m a positive thinker and an optimist but I’m also human. I was scared! I mean who wouldn’t be. As a result of some of the challenges I’ve experienced in my life, I’ve built up a reservoir of courage but I still had those moments of doubt.

Losing your dad at a young age, a kid brother and your wife will either as they say "kill you or make you stronger." Being a single father for twelve years will also add a little moxie to your character. But because of my personal experiences, once I got over the initial shock of being scared, I would have to say that I became an eternal optimist.

When I’m at a barbecue or dinner party the conversation about challenges in life versus sports usually doesn’t surface unless I volunteer. Let’s face it, amongst guys, having a discussion about sports may create an argument but talking about life is not always acceptable conversation. It’s just not something most guys do. I’m of Italian and Spanish descent; we Mediterranean’s are as they say "romantics," so we hug a lot. I can tell you that many guys are not comfortable hugging. The reason, they weren’t exposed to it as children with their parents.

So, what’s the point you ask? Simply this......as a young child, you begin to develop your habits and behavioral patterns based on what you see, hear and learn. If you learn that hugging is not acceptable, then you most likely grow up with hugging another male being a no-no. Like wise, if you grow up with "you don’t fail," or "if you fail you’re a failure," you have a predisposition and fear to failing. As a result, you take fewer risks in life.

Okay, back to not being a failure. After you witness and survive some of the tragedies in life that I have, you have a tendency to say to yourself, "if I handled that, I can handle anything." My advice on this topic is pull back on the reigns, stay humble and don’t challenge God or the universe. I’ve learned that instead of thinking you’re invulnerable, be thankful and grateful for the blessings and courage that have been bestowed upon you in times of difficulty.

The reason why many of us have second thoughts and doubt our self is due to one major emotion, fear of failure. Let’s be honest with ourselves, none of us wants to be a failure, especially in this competitive society that we live in. We’re so concerned about what others may think of us, it stops us dead in our tracks.

We put so much stock in winning, that we often think, that’s what makes the world go ‘round. This behavioral pattern has been ingrained in us as young children; get an A, win the game, beat the other guy, come in first etc. Often, it’s when we’re constantly looking outside of ourselves and comparing who we are to others, that we find our self-doubt surface, as well as our ability to be successful.

We create this whole concept of failure in our minds, so it takes on a personality of it’s own. Like a little kid, it grows and grows until the fear is bigger and more powerful than the goal or dream we started with. W. Clement Stone said, "what the mind can conceive, the mind can achieve." If you believe as I do, that dreams represent our deepest desires and passions, then you would agree with Mr. Stone. How else does one find his/her purpose unless they follow their dreams or passion on the road of life?

This is a quote that I often use with clients in my coaching sessions, "what you believe is true!" Think about that for a moment......what ever you believe with real emotion will over time become a reality. Once again, what if I told you that you can fail but that doesn’t mean you’re a failure.

Successful people fail all the time! Why, because they never stop trying? It’s our perception of failing that creates the mental and emotional road blocks that stop us from being successful. When ever you try to do anything, you have a 50/50 chance of being successful or failing. Life never gave you a guarantee that you will succeed at everything you do.

Have you ever read the biographies of successful people like Henry Ford, Thomas Edison, Alexander Bell, Albert Einstein, Newton, Marconi, Abraham Lincoln? If you did, you know that each of these individual’s failed multiple times, hundreds, even thousands of time, before they achieved success on a specific project or goal that they were pursuing. Why......... because they knew if they failed, that did not mean they were a failure. There self-image was not tied to the outcome of an attempt to succeed. They also knew that it only meant that they learned one more way that they would not succeed and as a result, were one step closer.

I am asking you to realize that you are not the event, whatever it is; being terminated from a job, a failed relationship, a failed business or claiming bankruptcy. You are the heart and soul of your dreams and aspirations but you are not the outcome or the event. The great men I mentioned would just keep right on trying because they knew that they were greater than the event. In the moment, they were simply the attempt to achieve a specific goal. They stayed persistent to their intention.

Here are some techniques that you can use to achieve success:

• believe that you can fail and not be a failure

• stay present - you can only achieve in the now

• walk before you run - start small/build confidence

• visualize your intention daily with emotion & belief

• what you believe is who you become & what you achieve

• put it in writing, commit to your intention as if your life depended on it