Improve Your Game Using Clever Golf Clothes

Although I’m sure golf clothes  could be used to improve any game, or at least make the game more amusing for the spectators, this article is focused on potential ways to improve your golf game by choosing the correct clothes to suit the specific situation.  

I’m not sure how much effort you normally put into choosing what you’re going to wear to the golf course, but I’m assuming that there must be a certain amount involved due to the fairly strict etiquette surrounding what one can and cannot wear on the course.  Recently I got to wondering whether spending a little bit more time deciding what to wear might actually give you some huge advantages and maybe even improve your game – these were my thoughts.

The Shiny Shirt Approach

If you are a shy person, easily put off by having lots of people watching you tee-off, consider bedecking yourself in attire similar to that of Ian Poulter in this picture.  As long as it is a sunny day (which I accept is unlikely), the reflection of the sun in your shirt will blind the surrounding spectators, meaning that they cannot possibly watch you while you play.  A perfect tip for the stage-shy, I’m sure you’ll agree!

The Ball Trousers Approach

This clothing-technique is essentially a cheat for those who find teeing-off a bit of a problem.  Maybe a good option for the employee that is so desperate to get in with the boss that they agree to play a few holes, despite having never held a golf club their life.  The idea is to take a pair of ridiculous golfing trousers, like those modelled here by Payne Stewart, then fill the voluminous interior with golf balls.
When it is your turn to tee-off, step forwards and simply hit the ball as hard as you possibly can – way out into the rough where nobody could possibly have seen it land.  Cover yourself with a muffled curse including either the word “splice” or “hook” and trot off after your lost ball, making a big show about stomping around in the rough grass.  Once you have reached a respectable position, a quick snap of sock elastic will secretly magic a new ball out of nowhere!  After that it’s just a few simple whacks onto the green...

In this way, beginners can take advantage of silly golfing fashion trends and use them to overcome the embarrassment of losing a ball every time they tee-off .  Consider branding all the balls with the same distinctive logo beforehand to remove any suspicion that you may have accidently found somebody else’s ball.  Maybe even accessorise with some binoculars; hit the ball as hard as you possibly can, whip out the binos and then make a big show of watching the flight of the ball before running after it shouting “I’ve got it, don’t worry, I’ve got it!”  You won’t look cool, but you will get through the experience with a far more respectable score.

The Distraction Technique

It’s a very cheap tactic for sure but, if you dress cleverly enough, you can actually distract your opponent into playing badly.  Sure it doesn’t make your score any better but, when winning is on the agenda, it doesn’t matter how badly you play – as long as you the other person plays worse.  So, we’re looking for distracting things; shiny things that catch the sunlight, flapping things that distract the eye and jangling things that interrupt concentration...in other words, it might be best to dress like a Morris Dancer. ?

There are many other classic golf clothing techniques that you can implement, including the old “long spikes in the golf shoes used to “accidently” step on opponent’s foot” move and “aerodynamic clothing” for the intense golfer.  The general rule though is to experiment within the boundaries of golf clothing etiquette.  

Confident and skilful golfers probably won’t benefit massively from this guide, but even they should take some extra time getting dressed before their round to ensure their golf clothes aren’t an embarrassment.  There are lots of stylish golf clothes out there, including personal favourite of mine Greg Norman golf clothing and Nike golf clothing; there is no excuse for wearing the same old outdated nonsense every time.

Even if none of these techniques are for you, at least you can now detect a player’s type by the way they dress; shiny clothes probably means they’re secretly shy; baggy trousers suggests that they’re a beginner; too many accessories for take in at one time may imply that the player feels like the underdog.  Maybe this could apply to life as well as the golf course...