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Are There Laws About Attraction Between Two People?
Author: sulamita berrezi  | Posted: 22-02-2008 | Comments: 0 | Views: 29 | Rating: (65) (?)
“Opposites attract” is a law of attraction, at least where electromagnetism is concerned. But are there laws about attraction between two people? “In a world that is full of strangers” as a line in a famous song of the 1980’s goes, is there a clear set of rules that allows two people to fall for each other?
Is attraction a matter of chemistry?
Maybe. According to scientists, the attraction between animals of the opposite sex is all about chemicals called pheromones. The effect of pheromones in behavior of insects is the most studied to date. It has been observed, at least in some experiments, that pheromones are responsible for communication among same species and colony of ants. The horrible odor released by skunks to ward off enemies is said to be a kind of pheromone. Some species of apes rub pheromone-containing urine on the feet of potential mates to attract them. Some scientists believe that animals (usually the females) such as insects and mammals send out these chemical signals to tell the male of their species that their genes are different from theirs. This gene diversity is important in producing offspring with better chances of survival. The perfume industry has capitalized on pheromones as a means to increase one’s sexual attractiveness to the opposite sex. Animals such as the whale and the musk deer were hunted down for these chemicals.
Lately, scientists are looking into the existence of human pheromones and its role in mate selection. There are many conflicting views in the realm of biology, chemistry, genetics, and psychology. Most scientists would assert that these do not exist, or if they do, do not play a role in sexual attraction between a man and a woman. But new researches such as that conducted by Swiss researchers from the University of Bern led by Klaus Wedekind are slowly making these scientists rethink their stand. Their experiment involved women sniffing the cotton shirts of different men during their ovulation period. It was found out that women prefer the smell of men’s shirts that were genetically different, but also shared similarities with the women’s genes. This, like in the case of insects and other mammals, was to ensure better and healthier characteristics for their future children. But researchers also cautioned that preference for a male odor is affected by the women’s ovulation period, the food that men eat, perfumes and other scented body products, and the use of contraceptive pills.
Does personality figure in sexual attraction?
Yes, but so does your perception of a potential mate’s personality. According to a research conducted by Klohnen, E.C., & S. Luo in 2003 on interpersonal attraction and personality, a person’s sense of self-security and at least the person’s perception of his/her partner were found to be strong determinants of attraction in hypothetical situations. What does this tell us? We prefer a certain personality type, which attracts you to a person. But aside from the actual personality of the person, which can only be verified through close interaction through time, it is your perception of your potential partner that attracts you to him/her, whether the person of your affection truly has that kind of personality or not. This could probably account for a statement commonly heard from men and women on their failed relationships: “I thought he/she was this kind of person.”
So how does attraction figure in relationships?
You have probably heard that attraction is a prelude, or a factor towards a relationship. Most probably, at least in the beginning; but attraction alone cannot make a relationship work. It is that attraction that makes you notice a person from the opposite sex, but once you get to know the person more, attraction is just one consideration. Shared values, dreams, and passions become more significant in long-term relationships.
So should I stop trying to become attractive?
More than trying to become physically attractive, work on all aspects of your health: physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual. Physical attraction is still a precursor. Remember, biology predisposes us to choose the partner with the healthiest genes. Where your emotions are concerned, just ask this to yourself: would you want to spend time with a person who feels insecure about him/herself? Probably not! There is wisdom in knowing yourself: who you are, your beliefs, values, and dreams. And do not pretend to be someone you are not. Fooling another person by making him/her think that you share the same values and beliefs is only going to cause you both disappointments. When you are healthy in all aspects, attractiveness becomes a consequence and not an end. As mentioned in the Klohnen and Luo’s research, a person’s sense of self-security matters, perhaps even beyond attraction. But remember: do these things for yourself and not for other people. Only then can you truly harness your attractiveness as a person.
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Frequently Asked Questions
Autisim
By: sam | 15-07-2008
How and when do I tell my son he has autism? He will be in the 3rd grad in public school. He makes friends and has above average grades. He has not been told that he is austistic, but he is at the age where some of his classmates will learn he has autistic and will say to him "you have autism".
Sorry so long but wnated to get all details in here so i can really get the right answers.
By: debbiebooboobaby | 15-07-2008
my bf of 8yrs wanted to split and at 1st i wasnt with it i begged and everything i even tried killing myself. he wouldnt give me a straight answer he kept kelling me it had nottin to do with me it was just something he had to do so i thought and figured out alot was my fault we sat and talked and 2 days later he said he couldnt do it he was gonna try it out with this other girl he said the only thing about her was that when hes with her it reminds him of how we used to be i asked him to lets work it out he said we tried that so many times and it only gets us back to this so we actually both think that if we were to do this then if we get back together we will be alot better. i even asked him how he can do this after everything weve been thru together good and bad and everything i did for him and hes always been there for me no matter what even when i slept with our bestfriend he forgave me so why this time did he decide he want this. i couldnt figure it out and it was driving me crazy. we own our house and he still has all his stuff here and he dont want me out of the house as well as he dont want his ring back he said just in case we get back together. andhe still wants to have sex with me and joke around with me and stuff and hes always making sure im alright. by the way hes staying at her house. anyways last week i asked him if there was any chance of him coming back and he said no why i said cause if not im thinking about moving in with this guy i met and he said do what u gotta do but if he hurts u i will kill him i was so upset about him saying he wasnt coming back but i didnt let him c. i ended up going out later that nite and he calls screaming at me about what were doing with the animals and he will come and pack up his stuff i told him slow down what r u getting at he said well u said u were moving in with some guy do u know how that makes me feel and i said 1st of all i said i was thinking about it i wasnt sure yet and 2nd how this makes u feel what about how i feel that your with another girl and he said deb ive never loved been in love with or cared about anyone like i have u and i never will i told him well u wont talk to me u said u needed your space and that i was pressuring u so i stopped and gave u what u wanted what else do u want from me i do want u back but i cant sit and wait forever he then said he wanted to talk tomorrow so i said ok and we did i told him it would b a wrong move to just jump back into a relationship so lets start out as friends and c where it goes and he agreed. a couple days later i sent him a letter and he said he almost brought him to tears. the letter is as follows
Dear, Art
My heart will always have an open door for you waiting for you to come in. Even though you left, I hold no ill feelings towards you. You are my one great love and the one "that got away" if you will let me be a little cliché. There is nothing you could ever do to make me turn my back on you. I am still completely entranced by you and I would wait forever if I knew there was even the smallest of chances for your return. I understand why you needed to leave and I am not trying to plead for your return to me and our relationship. I am not trying to change your heart of make you feel those feelings which escape you right now. I just wanted you to be aware that if you ever had a change of heart, I will always be here for you. If someone treats you unkindly, you always have a shoulder to cry on. If someone hurts you, I will always be here to make you feel better. If you are sad or depressed, I will always do my best to cheer you up and make you smile again if that is what you desire. If you are having problems of any sort, I am always here for you and will help you work them out. For any problem, I will do my best to be whatever you need. I still consider you my best friend, and best friends are here for each other. Of course, I still miss you. I will not deny my feelings for you and my desire for you to return. I think about you every day. I miss our talks, our cuddling, our kissing and the feelings that you can only share with your beloved. I miss it all terribly. I miss seeing your face so much that sometimes I shut my eyes as hard as I can until I can see your perfect face in every detail. I pretend that you are right there, holding me and loving me once again. It helps me cope with the pain I feel. If ever you should change your mind, don't be afraid to tell me. My feelings will remain the same for a long time and I am sure of this. And I hope this comforts you too, knowing how much I miss you and knowing that there is someone who loves you all of the time, no matter what. Always Missing You,debbie
now is this a good thing that he was all teary cause of it and does that mean theres a good chance of him wanting to came back? as well as him cheating on this girl does that me he really dont care about her.? and also on the phone he told me (finally)that i wasnt into the club thing( which this other girl is)and that i never went out with him anymore which i did stop cause i didnt think he wanted me with him all the time and he said" thats what hurts , cause i did i always liked spending time with you" and i know a couple times he got upset at me about not wanting to go out that night. so now hes slowly starting to come out with everything so this is good right? now is there a good chance that hes gonna come back to me? and if so what can i do and sayto him to make him realize im willing to try and like the club thing and start going out with him again and have fun. without him thinking im pushing to much and without out him thinking im only saying and doing this stuff to get him to come back. i love him to death and i really want us to give this another shot i really need some help on this one i feel like im playing a life and death game where if i say or do the wrong thing its gonna push him further away but if i dont do or say anything it aint gonna go no where . i wrote a couple of the same questions in here that i asked b4 but this time i gave all details so someone can really help me out.
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What does it mean when a man calls a woman his specail friend,is it his way of saying he's intrested(no sex just alot of deep conversation,bonding)?
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