Stress - Types, Causes and Cures (part Five)

The quality of personal relationships is traditionally regarded as one of the main sources of stress. The relationship between partners is the key factor, followed by the parent-child relationship. Factors that contribute to successful and relatively stress free relationships include:- communication, realistic expectations, honesty with yourself and partner, quality time together, quality time apart, listening and respect for yourself and partner.

Many sources of stress, such as bereavement, financial worries and relationship breakdowns, which feature prominently in the Holmes and Rahe scale, originate within the family. Increases in stress over the last 30 years can be partly explained by changing social factors. Within the context of a large extended family and a close working and social environment, an individual benefits from contact and communication with others, receives feedback to establish realistic life goals and meaning, as well as useful information and practical help to overcome problems. The dissolution of these close social support networks makes the individual more vulnerable to stress related chronic illnesses. In the same period it has become clear that, as well as being a source of support, affection and love, the home can also be the place where individuals, especially women and children are most likely to suffer varying degrees of physical and emotional abuse.

Parenthood imposes heavy physical, emotional and financial burdens, which can have a negative effect on the less resilient. Combining children and full time employment is the most stressful of all, especially for the working mother, who is more likely to be responsible for a bigger share of housework and childcare than the father. In this situation arguments, disagreements, misunderstandings, resentments and depression are more likely to surface. The following advice can help to reduce parental stress levels:- care for yourself as well as the children, keep a sense of self apart from the role of parent, prepare a plan and prioritise to exploit free time, use free time in a creative and stimulating way, partners should acknowledge and define shared responsibilities, preserve healthy communication, avoid self recrimination, be prepared to use family and friends for support.

Work provides an income and also fulfils a variety of other human needs - mental and physical exercise, social contact, a feeling of self worth and competence. Work, however, is also a major source of stress, arising from the nature of relations between management and employees and that between colleagues in the workplace in general.

The modern world thrives on the work ethic and we are taught at a very early age to equate personal adequacy with material success and professional status. Few of us are immune to the pressures placed on us by society to desire things that are symbols of status. Advertising and marketing strategies tap into this competitive urge we all have and create in us a need to go one better than people around us, in other words 'keeping up with the Joneses' syndrome. This starts at an early age, basically in tandem with the learning process. The fear of failure and the challenge of peer pressure motivates us to work to achieve. In moderation, this can be healthy, as achievement goes hand in hand with self esteem but it also creates a cumulative stress that follows us from school to secondary education, through to our working lives.

For many of us, however, it is a struggle to keep up and we offer work unnaturally long hours in unfortunate working conditions just to keep our heads above water. It has become a truism nowadays to say that no job is for life. Temporary employment contracts and the threat of unemployment are now features of more and more peoples working lives and may feel lucky to have a job at all. Society, therefore, is forcing us to change our expectations of how we work and this is taking its toll on our physical and emotional security.

In coping with the structural change of our working lives, it is vital to try to embrace the positives among the negatives. Flexitime, job sharing and increased communication through technology and the Internet, offer new ways of working, which can offer us far greater freedoms. More emphasis on leisure time and recreation should also mean more time to relax and relate to family and friends. We are staring to see worth in activities not necessarily related to the working environment. This control can be used create a healthy, more relaxed style of living. Stress is a plague of current working practices and even if we cannot change our overall working situation, there are certain steps we can take to reduce stress in our daily lives.

There is a lot of truth in the saying that a messy desk means a messy mind. Being chronically disorganised can be debilitating at work, where lack of planning is one of the most common causes of stress. Stressful environments are minimised when we impose a form of structure that can offer security against problems appearing 'out of the blue'. Too inflexible a pattern would be impractical but keeping a diary, writing lists and prioritising duties all help to stem stressful situations. Writing down objectives, duties and activities helps to make them seem more tangible and surmountable. Do not try to overload your mind with too much information but if you take steps to keep control of things then you will work more efficiently.

People have different tolerances for routine and variety. Some personalities thrive under the security of a routine working day. In many ways it can be quite liberating, as adhering to a pattern means that you can fully concentrate on one task at a time and not get into a situation where you do not have enough time to accomplish your tasks. On the other hand, too much routine can be demoralising and boring and eat away at your enthusiasm for the job. Variety at work holds interest and enthusiasm but too little structure leads to overloading, confusion and stress.

Most of us need to strike a balance between routine and variety in order to enjoy work and maintain levels of efficiency. Monotony can be broken by looking ahead and planning when to switch from one job to another. Pacing yourself is one of the most vital practices in achieving a relaxed lifestyle. Learn when to stop and stand back from your activity, the odd moment of calm will increase efficiency when you do return to your task.

Most people suffer from time deprivation, as it is one of life's most precious commodities. Every day most of us have to strip demands on our time down to the essentials and usually it is the time spent working and commuting that dictates how much we can give to other activities. Time deprivation leaves us feeling harassed, hurried and guilty. It may also damage relationships, as it can mean breaking arrangements because 'we just don't have the time'. Some people will make matters worse by procrastinating and wasting time about commitments in their social lives and deadlines at work. Often they take on too much and end up fulfilling few or none of their aims. Work will pile up and relationships will suffer as commitments are neglected and the individual is left feeling panicked and chaotic.

It can be very difficult to change habits that have been formed over a lifetime. Often the best way is to recognise weak points in time management and learn to deal with them. Prioritise and look at the steps mentioned earlier in this article for dealing with organisation.