Explaining Missing Parents

If you are raising your grandchild, you will reach a natural point in which a discussion about the whereabouts of their natural parents will need to be had. If you are raising your grandchild due to the imprisonment or drug addiction of your own child, this can be a particularly difficult subject. The need to protect your grandchild from unpleasant information can be overwhelming, yet the natural desire to tell the truth conflicts heavily against this.

The best solution is, as is so often the case, the most simple: be honest. The reasons for this are many. To begin with, if you do lie to your grandchild about the whereabouts of their parents, you are only prolonging the problem and discussion for years to come. It may seem endlessly tempting to try and tell them their parent is on a trip or working abroad, but nevertheless, the issue will raise itself again and a fresh set of lies will need to be told every time it does.

There is also the possibility that your grandchild may discover the unsavoury truth about the whereabouts of their parents from someone outside of the family. If they hear this for the first time in an unpleasant situation - such as playground teasing - the impact of the news is going to be all the more devastating. You will then also have to face the fact that your grandchild knows they have been lied to; while later in life they may understand that you did it to protect them, the mind of a child is not quite so clear thinking and you may be blamed for your decision. At the very least, it raises the issue of trust; you must be the one to set an example on this issue, and by lying about such an important issue you are setting a dangerous precedent.

No child, no matter what age, is going to want to hear that their parent or parents are unable to care for their child themselves due to a prison sentence or substance abuse problem. This is going to be a difficult conversation, and in fact a different concept, for the child to grasp; by telling the truth, you are simply taking the most direct course of action, and it does work out for the benefit of the child in the long run. The sooner they know the truth, the sooner they can deal with the surrounding issues and emotions that such a revelation will naturally bring.

The issue then becomes of how much information you should divulge. This varies depending on the age and understanding of the child, but in general, keep it simple. There is no need to go into details; a simple explanation that their parent did something very wrong and are being punished for it. In the case of drug abuse, explain that their parent is unwell and has taken bad steps to try and make themselves better. There is some truth in this - most drug addiction stems from problematic mental health problems - and while you are given information, you are not giving unnecessary detail. Keep it simple, and be prepared to listen and be there for your grandchild when the news is out; they will need your support more than ever.