Having Sexual Problems In Your Relationship? Here's What You Can Do..

The first thing you should realize is that you're not alone if you are experiencing sexual problems in your marriage, or partnership. It often revolves around the problem of one partner desiring to have sex more often than their partner. Other times it's because one partner feels that the other person isn't giving 'satisfaction'.

Sometimes the mismatch can be totally unrelated to the sex itself. How often have we felt unhappy, when some event happens in our lives, that throw us off balance. A good example is bereavement. When someone close to us dies it can affect many aspects of our day-to-day lives, and particularly on our desire to initiate sex. An event like bereavement can be very upsetting and can have a huge effect on libido for a lot of people.

There are many other examples I could site, but I?m sure you can think of occasions when ?external? factors have affected the way you feel about having sex, and these often have nothing to do with our love and friendship for our partner. They can be to do with our jobs, our health, or our family. There are so many reasons for not wanting sex, and the list is very long.

So, what should you do?

First off, try not to feel bad about any mismatch that occurs. If you get all 'emotional' and upset it will make the problem worse, not better. Try your best to remain calm and rational. Look for possible underlying causes that could be creating the sexual problems between both of you. If it is an issue that is totally unrelated to the sex, then just be patient. Things will almost certainly improve as time passes, so just be tolerant and don?t give up and get too frustrated. If it doesn?t get better, then that is the time to start asking questions, and then you can work on coming up with answers to the problems you unearth.

Secondly, if it does turn out to be an external factor that is causing the problem, or problems, what can you do about them? Many people feel that sex is such a huge part of their marital relationship that if things aren't right they think the best option is to separate, or get divorced. Nothing could be so far away from the truth. Whilst sex is a really important and, some would say, a key component in a marriage, such problems can be resolved through sensible communication and discussion.

The simple fact is that when you've been married for a while, even if it's only a short period, the sex part can often begin to fade to dullness. This is especially so if one partner has a more vigorous libido than the other. Whilst some couples may be the perfect match for each other with regard to sex drive, for many others there will be a mismatch and one partner will want to initiate sex more frequently. This can be the case for either the man or the woman and there is no hard evidence that mismatches in libido happen more in men than in women, or vice versa.

The third point to recognize is that some sexual mismatches can get to the point where one or other of you actually don?t enjoy your sexual contact. The outcome is often that you only get involved just to stave off the arguments that could happen if you don't! Just be aware that sexual mismatches will happen from time to time and be sensitive to each other?s needs. Try not to switch off, or refuse to participate, but look for solutions that can help you both.

If you are the person with the lower sex drive then take time to figure out why this is so. A good doctor should be able to help you or, at least refer you to someone whose specialty is sexual health. And if you?re the person with the higher sex drive then don?t put pressure on your partner to have sex if they don?t want to.

It?s much better to communicate and discuss the issues than it is to ?force?. By force I don?t mean physically force? that is totally unacceptable, even in marriage! What can be very damaging is the use of 'emotional' force, so do your best to avoid it.

There is lots of help available for sexual problems in a marriage, or partnership. Whatever you do, don't put extra pressure on each other if mismatches are happening; try and talk calmly about them and communicate your feelings without being too emotional. Seek help if you need to. Then you should be able to get on your way to a healthy and satisfying sex life with your partner.