My daughter, your daughter

<h1>My daughter, your daughter</h1>Author: <a title="Satish Chandra Sharma" href="http://www.articlesbase.com/authors/satish-chandra-sharma/89388.htm">Satish Chandra Sharma</a> My daughter, your daughter!  Can you catch the worm running in my mind, when I make the statement as made out in the heading? Normally, you would tell me that my daughter is mine and your daughter is yours, daughters are daughters, be they yours or mine. Yet I have been pondering over the subject that my daughter is mine, and your daughter (could be my) is daughter in law.  YES, THIS IS TRUE since time immemorial.  Different norms come to play while making a comparative distinction between my daughter and your daughter. The terms denote two very different meanings in the context of relationship within a family. My daughter is always treated so well, she remains in the centre stage of the family; Loved by every person in the family, ma, pa and bro. She is pampered so fondly, that she is on cloud nine. This goes on until the time  her marriage is solemnized.  Immediately after the solemnization of the marriage rituals, she gets the label of your daughter. The daughter converts from daughter to daughter in law. The same actress performs a different role.  Marriage changes the life pattern of this girl. Mother counsels her to treat the hubby’s home as her new home and treat hubby’s parents as her new parents. The whole text of the life the girl undergoes a sea change. She gradually adapts to the new system.  Sometime problems crop right at the time of the transition. Groom’s parents are miffed at inadequate dowry that comes with the bride. This points explodes in many forms which may be colored with thousands of excuses of this and that. Underlying point is inadequate dowry items that the bride is expected to bring in matching her in-laws status or greed. The poor girls lands into a dilemma and is simply baffled. Some times, the issue raises its ugly head after a lapse of some time. The elders demand ‘respect’ from the bride. These elders are counted not based on age, but the relation of the bride. I know a family where “jethani” (wife of elder brother) was several years younger to the ‘devrani’ (brother of next younger brother) keen on demanding all respect and obedience.  Education has given a new vision to every one and the vision thus acquired plays a pivotal role. The ‘devrani’ refused to go by the commands of the ‘jethani’. This resulted in an uproar in the family and the ‘devrani’ though being more educated and senior in age was asked to bow to the dictates of the ‘jethani’. The girl refused to bow down and a crisis of the sort was created in the family.  In the situation, the parents of the girl were in dilemma to take up the matter in the in-laws family. But the reference to ‘her parents’ was deemed to be interference in the family and efforts were made to shut up these parents of the girl. However, the girl bravely faced all the odd and then help surfaced from a quarter unexpected in the family. This sane attempts was by the sister in law of the girl.  Now these problems arise due to whom, the women are put to this state of affairs by none other then the mother in laws, sister in laws who themselves have been ‘my daughters’ at parents house enjoying all the pampering above described. Then there is one more curse ascribed to the daughter converting daughters in law. This relates to extending the family tree.  Indian traditions believe that birth of a son is most auspicious in a family. So every wife is supposed to deliver ‘sons’. Failure to do so causes a stigma attached to the bride. There have been stories in women magazines that a daughter returned weeping crying at her parental home. Mother gets perturbed on hearing her cries and asks for the reason. She tells, that she has been thrown out of the house for bearing a girl child. The mother consoles the daughter. On being asked where is ‘bhabi’, (brother’s bride), the mother is stunned and unable to answer as she has also meted the same fate to  her daughter in law for bearing a girl child.      The mother is playing two different roles, one that related her ‘own (my) daughter and the other that related to (your) daughter.  How long we shall suffer this syndrome. This is causing the society untold miseries. WE have to ponder over this and see how we can work a plan to save the girl child who is ‘my daughter’ as well as ‘your daughter’   Satish Chandra Sharma General Secretary, Chandigarh Social Welfare Council, Chandigarh   Email: <a href="mailto:sharma.ambakripa@gmail.com">sharma.ambakripa@gmail.com</a>   PS: If you have encountered an experience where the contents of this article seem plausible, please do add your experiences in the form of comments. This might help us in initiating a programme of emancipation of the ‘girl child’. s    About the Author: A Post Graduate in Economics from University of Delhi and a Social activist now. Presently as General Secretary of Chandigarh Social Welfare Council, an NGO, am working in the field of up gradation of infrastructure and regularization of the General Power of Attorney holders in cooperative housing societies at Chandigarh.At my initiative, Chandigarh Administration has done a re-look into the matter raised by me. The rules sought to be applied till now have been observed as "repealed" by the JSF, Chandigarh Administration, yet some of the junior level functionaries are passing on the matter to their seniors in a mechanical manner and hence the woes of the hapless GPAs have yet to be redressed by the Administration. I shall continue writing on the subject and every subsequent article shall endeavor to bring out the anamoliedArticle Source: <a href="http://www.articlesbase.com/">ArticlesBase.com</a> - <a href="http://www.articlesbase.com/home-and-family-articles/my-daughter-your-daughter-1297887.html" title="My daughter, your daughter">My daughter, your daughter</a>

My daughter, your daughter!

Can you catch the worm running in my mind, when I make the statement as made out in the heading? Normally, you would tell me that my daughter is mine and your daughter is yours, daughters are daughters, be they yours or mine. Yet I have been pondering over the subject that my daughter is mine, and your daughter (could be my) is daughter in law.

YES, THIS IS TRUE since time immemorial.

Different norms come to play while making a comparative distinction between my daughter and your daughter. The terms denote two very different meanings in the context of relationship within a family. My daughter is always treated so well, she remains in the centre stage of the family; Loved by every person in the family, ma, pa and bro. She is pampered so fondly, that she is on cloud nine. This goes on until the time her marriage is solemnized.

Immediately after the solemnization of the marriage rituals, she gets the label of your daughter. The daughter converts from daughter to daughter in law. The same actress performs a different role. Marriage changes the life pattern of this girl. Mother counsels her to treat the hubby’s home as her new home and treat hubby’s parents as her new parents. The whole text of the life the girl undergoes a sea change. She gradually adapts to the new system.

Sometime problems crop right at the time of the transition. Groom’s parents are miffed at inadequate dowry that comes with the bride. This points explodes in many forms which may be colored with thousands of excuses of this and that. Underlying point is inadequate dowry items that the bride is expected to bring in matching her in-laws status or greed. The poor girls lands into a dilemma and is simply baffled.

Some times, the issue raises its ugly head after a lapse of some time. The elders demand ‘respect’ from the bride. These elders are counted not based on age, but the relation of the bride. I know a family where “jethani” (wife of elder brother) was several years younger to the ‘devrani’ (brother of next younger brother) keen on demanding all respect and obedience.

Education has given a new vision to every one and the vision thus acquired plays a pivotal role. The ‘devrani’ refused to go by the commands of the ‘jethani’. This resulted in an uproar in the family and the ‘devrani’ though being more educated and senior in age was asked to bow to the dictates of the ‘jethani’. The girl refused to bow down and a crisis of the sort was created in the family.

In the situation, the parents of the girl were in dilemma to take up the matter in the in-laws family. But the reference to ‘her parents’ was deemed to be interference in the family and efforts were made to shut up these parents of the girl. However, the girl bravely faced all the odd and then help surfaced from a quarter unexpected in the family. This sane attempts was by the sister in law of the girl.

Now these problems arise due to whom, the women are put to this state of affairs by none other then the mother in laws, sister in laws who themselves have been ‘my daughters’ at parents house enjoying all the pampering above described. Then there is one more curse ascribed to the daughter converting daughters in law. This relates to extending the family tree.

Indian traditions believe that birth of a son is most auspicious in a family. So every wife is supposed to deliver ‘sons’. Failure to do so causes a stigma attached to the bride. There have been stories in women magazines that a daughter returned weeping crying at her parental home. Mother gets perturbed on hearing her cries and asks for the reason. She tells, that she has been thrown out of the house for bearing a girl child. The mother consoles the daughter. On being asked where is ‘bhabi’, (brother’s bride), the mother is stunned and unable to answer as she has also meted the same fate to her daughter in law for bearing a girl child.

The mother is playing two different roles, one that related her ‘own (my) daughter and the other that related to (your) daughter.

How long we shall suffer this syndrome. This is causing the society untold miseries. WE have to ponder over this and see how we can work a plan to save the girl child who is ‘my daughter’ as well as ‘your daughter’

Satish Chandra Sharma

General Secretary,

Chandigarh Social Welfare Council,

Chandigarh

Email: sharma.ambakripa@gmail.com

PS: If you have encountered an experience where the contents of this article seem plausible, please do add your experiences in the form of comments. This might help us in initiating a programme of emancipation of the ‘girl child’. s

A Post Graduate in Economics from University of Delhi and a Social activist now. Presently as General Secretary of Chandigarh Social Welfare Council, an NGO, am working in the field of up gradation of infrastructure and regularization of the General Power of Attorney holders in cooperative housing societies at Chandigarh.At my initiative, Chandigarh Administration has done a re-look into the matter raised by me. The rules sought to be applied till now have been observed as "repealed" by the JSF, Chandigarh Administration, yet some of the junior level functionaries are passing on the matter to their seniors in a mechanical manner and hence the woes of the hapless GPAs have yet to be redressed by the Administration. I shall continue writing on the subject and every subsequent article shall endeavor to bring out the anamolied

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Article Tags: daughter, girl child, customs

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