Not Acceptable

Living with an alcoholic/addict can be hard to understand.  How can they not see how their drinking or using is affecting everything? Honestly, they do not.  Very simply put when the people that love and care about them insist on ignoring everything and making believe in the status quo, the drunk takes that as acceptance.  It’s just the way it is, and more importantly, that you accept their action.  They have no clue that it bothers you.

You need to spell things out.  Clearly, and confidently, tell them that their actions are not acceptable to you.  Saying it once will have little or no impact.  Just like the first time they came home hammered.  It had little impact on you.  It’s the years of them coming home hammered the lack of taking responsibility, and the increase in usage that has had the effect on you.  Each time, you probably gave them a stern talking to, and moved on.  For you, life keeps moving on.  The bills still have to be paid, and if you can get them to participate with you in anyway, you are jumping at the chance.

Each time you make nice, you wipe out all the statements of I do not like your drinking.  Not acceptable once has to be not acceptable at all times and forever.  The rules do not change simply because they have thrown you a bone.  The bone is a little bit of affection nine times out of ten.  They are cheating with you on their real lover, alcohol or drugs.

Here is a small tip.  Not acceptable is not acceptable.  Get that point across.  That may mean taking the empties out of the trash and putting a post it on the bottle.  They will come home and throw the bottle back in the trash, pull it out and put the note on it.  No screaming, no yelling, no discussion.  NOT IN MY HOUSE.  This is your house, and the drunk does not get to rule the roost.  You do.  You are the sober one.  They do not like your no-drinking or using rules, they may leave. Period. Not acceptable is not acceptable.

Just to get you out of their face, they will attempt to follow your rules.  Just to keep you quiet, and not messing up their high.  Do not let them.  Call it like you see it, your drunk, go away and sober up.  Make your home a sober zone for real.  They are either with you or against you, which is their choice.  If they need help getting sober, then go to AA.  98% of rehabs in the country send you to AA.  The fact will always remain that the only person who has a snowballs chance in hell of explaining to a drunk how to get and stay sober is another drunk.  It works; it has for over 70 years.  They can do that or they can go to rehab, but you have had enough!

All you need to do is one, decide that this is not acceptable behavior, and two, tell them directly that this is not acceptable. You need not even express why; it is not acceptable to you.  Unless of course you woke up one morning in your teens and said,”I want to be the spouse or lover of an alcoholic.”  I doubt you did.  So get out your post it pad, and start with the empties, see what happens.  Happy, glad, sad, or mad be calm and be clear.  Not acceptable is all you need to say.