"he or She Won't Commit? 3 Strategies for Turning Your Love Life Around!" (part Two)

Copyright (c) 2008 Elizabeth Davis

In my previous article (Part 1), we looked at these 3 strategies for bringing more commitment and satisfaction to your intimate relationships:

1. Your Partner is Your Mirror = Look Closely. What bothers you in your partner is an opportunity for g-r-o-w-t-h. Don't turn away. Look more closely.

2. Speak Up and Share Your Truth. Most people aren't mind-readers. Having unspoken expectations is a major cause of relationship blow outs and disappointments. Speak your heart and soul.

3. Make a Commitment: To YOUR SELF! If you don't commit to you, who will? No one is ever going to love you like you can love yourself. NO ONE. Only you can love yourself fully 100%. Besides, it's your responsibility. As Buddha said, "Work out your own salvation. Don't depend on others."

Today, we're going to look at 3 MORE strategies for improving your *conscious contact* in your love life.

There are three places I look at on first glance to find out about a person's relationship issues.

#1 The Heart Line: Recognize that Your Love Style Isn't Necessarily Your Partner's Love Style

Notice the line beginning beneath the pinky finger and running horizontally along the palm to stop between the middle and pointer fingers? This is the heart line. The individual pictured here is independent in love and likes his personal freedom. He needs to let his partner know that his need for "cave time" isn't a personal criticism of his partner. Where does your heart line stop?

Understanding your love style and that of your partner creates an opportunity to love each other in the way the other wants to be loved, instead of trying to love each other in the way each *expects* to be loved. Big difference.

#2 The Pinky Finger: Are You Getting Enough Closeness and Affection?

Sometimes the pinky finger (named "Mercury") sits lower on the upper ridge of the palm in comparison to the other fingers. When this happens on a woman's hands, it means she's not getting enough closeness and affection. Typically, she will withdraw and hide out. Guess what she needs to do? Get out there and let people know she exists! It also helps to get non-sexual therapeutic touch to keep the body and heart vibrant and connected.

When this marker appears in a man's hands, he often feels that making his partner happy is his "job." He learned as a boy that he was responsible for mommy's happiness (or made this decision on his own) and now he feels that to be a good lover, he must anticipate his partner's needs. That gets to be exhausting. Remedy? Speak up and share HIS needs.

#3 The Mount of Venus: Are You Warm and Fuzzy or a Wee Bit Chilly?

See that big mount at the base of the thumb? That's the mount of Venus. Venus was the goddess of love and beauty in the Roman pantheon ("Aphrodite" in the Greek). When this mount appears full and fleshy as in the image above, it means that you have a warm heart and love of live. You appreciate fine art, good food, good company and a desire to be connected with your family and friends.

If the mount is depressed, flat or indented, you may be feeling a bit numb about life or have lost your sense of humor along the way. What can you do to bring more joy and warmth to your life? Maybe it's time for a make-over or vacation? Maybe, just maybe, it's time to rev up the love quotient in your life and go on a hot date - whether married or single. :-)

Remember that when our needs aren't met, we attempt to get those needs met in other ways. When you don't get enough appreciation paid to your own heart line style ("love style"), enough closeness and affection, and/or enough fun, joy and general celebration, you might try to get that attention through competition, flattery, showing off, hiding out or playing martyr. And that's just the short list! Please feel free to add your own need diversion techniques. This misdirection of our energy then bleeds over into other areas of our lives. Remember "commitment" issues aren't about the other person. Commitment simply means "to do." What can you do for YOU today?

The Hand Analyst's Action Challenge: Take a look at your own hands (your dominant hand is your "public self" and your non-dominant hand is your "private self") and compare with the indicators described in this article. Are any of your love needs not being met? If so, what can you do - right NOW - to take care of yourself?