Ever since the end of World War II, many Americans have sought the peace and tranquility of suburbia, a place where we can have our own homes as opposed to urban apartments; a place where we can raise a family in friendly and neighborly settings. Such is the dream; such is the myth. In reality, suburban neighborhoods have become places for high anxiety and paranoia as everyone watches what you do and turns you in to the authorities for any infraction of the rules. I like to call such people "Suburban Nazis" as they like to exert their will ruthlessly.
Down in my neck of the woods, and I suspect elsewhere in the country, we have three types of Suburban Nazis. First, we have the "Condo Commandos" which are generally retirees with nothing better to do than patrol the complex looking for any infringement, such as an unauthorized decoration or some minor alteration out of step with the condominium complex. Next we have the Homeowner Associations (HOA) who often employ management companies to perform the tasks the Board of Directors are too lazy to do themselves. Such management companies are often overzealous in performing their duties as they want to prove their worth to the Board. They generate a considerable amount of reports and form letters notifying residents of infringements guaranteed to irritate residents. And if they do not respond, it is turned over to the Gestapo (the attorneys for the HOA) who like nothing better than to goose-step you to court.
Here in Florida we also have the "Water Nazis" who are employed by the government to patrol neighborhoods for violations of water restrictions. One time I received a violation notification for watering my lawn on the wrong day. As it turned out, it was my next door neighbor watering his lawn next to my house. The Water Nazi found it easier to write me up as opposed to checking it out more closely. Of course I tried to refute the violation only to get lost in the Water Nazi's voice mail jail. I left a pretty terse message on the machine which, fortunately, led to them finally dropping the violation.
I've been a Past President of a HOA myself and understand the need for maintaining the appearance of a community. What I have a problem with is the coldness of how we enforce the rules. In most cases you are guilty until proven innocent. I also have a problem with the paper trail they create. Instead of calling you on the telephone, you are issued an impersonal form letter. During my day on the Board, we first tried to call or visit the homeowner to talk to them. I found that most people are embarrassed by the violation and promptly take care of it. A little friendly human contact goes a lot further than a cold form letter, but this is not how we handle things anymore.
Anytime I see a situation where the Homeowner or Condo Association doesn't openly communicate with the neighborhood, or comes forward with an accurate accounting of their finances or activities (such as published in minutes), an unhealthy situation inevitably ensues and the community loses faith in the Board of Directors. But then again, few people volunteer to serve on such Board of Directors, mostly because they see it as a thankless and futile effort (a kind of "You can't fight City Hall" type of phenomenon). Consequently, the Board of Directors typically consists of people who have some time on their hands, but do not have a clue as to how to run such an Association. Even worse is when participation on the Board is used as a means to settle an old score with a neighbor. I guess what troubles me most though is that Suburban Nazis are turning neighborhoods into concentration camps.
Yes, I love the peace and tranquility of suburbia, and the sound of jackboots in the Spring.
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