Tips to Reassuring Children after Divorce

It’s Not Their Fault

Children will often blame themselves when their parents go through a divorce. And, depending on the age group they are in, this reaction could turn into something worse. For younger children, they could become upset, withdrawn, and sad. It’s up to you to explain to them how it’s not their fault and that both mommy and daddy love them. For older children, a divorce can lead to rebellion You need to watch your older children like a hawk, even though you really don’t have the time. Make the time- it is during these tough family times that older children get involved with the wrong crowd and head down the wrong path. Prove to them you care by being there, even when they don’t want you to be.

Don’t let it Affect Their Life

Make sure that their activities are not put at risk because of what you are going through. If your daughter has a skating lesson at the same time as your meeting with your lawyer, put the meeting off, or arrange for a friend to take her skating. It is when your children start to miss out on things that were “normal life” for them, that the divorce becomes more than just a division of your marriage- it becomes a division of your family.

Be Strong, for Them

Before, during and after a divorce you are going to feel so much emotion that you might want to explode. You need to try to save these tearful, angry, frustrated and emotional moments for when they are not around. No child likes to watch mommy cry herself to sleep or watch daddy throw a bag of clothes into the car and speed out of the driveway. You need to control these emotions as best as you can, for them.

Keep Sight of What’s Important

Your children will always be a part of your life, no matter what. In fact, they will always be the most important part of your life. This is what really matters at the end of the day. Sure, your marriage was a disappointment, but that does not mean your children are a disappointment. Also, whatever you do, do not use your children as therapy. There is a time and place to complain about your ex husband, but it is not when the kids are around. Save the venting for your girlfriends or your therapist. Concentrate on moving forward with your kids.

Call to Action

What one activity can you plan with your children this week? It can be as simple as reading a book or going to the park and watching them play if they are little ones. And if they are older, you can ask for their suggestions. A trip to the bowling alley or a theme park often works. The key is to do something special with them without going overboard.

© Vanaja Ghose 2009