Teaching and School Humour, Teacher and Education Jokes

FUNNY TEACHER AND EDUCATION JOKES & CLEAN CLASSROOM, STUDENT, SCHOOL TEACHING HUMOR.

(Based on author’s site www.geocities.com/tchjks)

Clean profession jokes are few, and so are education humour and teacher jokes; the amusing, hilarious classroom humor and school jokes collection here are such clean student humour and teaching jokes.

"The opposite of minimum?" asked the teacher. Answered the primary school girl, "mini dad."

"What did the king do when he came to the throne?" asked the school teacher; many a little hand went up in the classroom; one of the pupils answered: "He sat down."

A little school boy told his mother that his class teacher praised him for giving a better answer to the question "How many legs does a chicken have?" than all of the other children in the class. "What was your answer?" asked his mother, and the school boy repeated it: "Three!" -his was the nearest answer to the teacher's questions.

"How many children in the family?" the teacher asked a school child; the answer was: "Me and my two sisters, Miss., and a baby who is turning out to be a boy."

A music teacher jot down in his notebook this about one his pupils: "B-flat when his ear twisted."

The school boys and girls were growing up, so their classroom teacher explained 'the birds and the bees' -"Oh," said one of the pupils, "Like humans, then..."

When the school child began "I is…" it wasn't funny! It didn't amuse the teacher! "How many times must I teach it - 'I am' it is, 'I.. am..'-not 'I is'!.. Now use the word 'I' in a sentence, and say it so!" The little pupil, obeying the teacher's instruction, looked at her alphabet and said: "'I'.. am.. the letter after 'H'!"

"O-oh!" cheered a little school girl, having got back her first marked homework from the class teacher, and bragged to her school friends "My homework's got me a kiss from my teacher -he put a big red 'X' on it!"

When there was a suspicious pool of water on the floor of the classroom, and the next day also, and the day after, the teachers decided that it must stop. "Let's all shut our eyes," the class teacher instructed, "and let child responsible reveal himself and write it on the blackboard!" A child was heard tiptoeing to the blackboard, writing something, and then back. The teacher said "Let's open our eyes, now, children, and read it." There was now one more pool of water on the floor of the classroom -the writing on the board read: "I have relieved myself."

"Where was the Declaration of Independence signed..?" asked the teacher. "Please, Miss. …" went up a child's hand, "It was signed at the bottom."

The boy went to school early for his first sex education class, to sit in the front row. When the boy returned from school, his parents asked how it was. "Ha!" said the schoolboy, "It was all theory!"

A teacher of religious education made this humorous entry in his notebook about one of the students: "This one's going to hell!"

One of the anecdotes of teacher the late Orhan Seyfi Ari is about this: Having had occasion to give a teenage school kid a leaflet entitled ‘Smoking Kills Early’, a few days later he was given by the pupil a newspaper clipping reporting the death of an elderly celebrity which mentioned that he was a smoker.

"Give me a noun" said the teacher. "Door" answered a student. She asked another: "Give me another noun..." The other replied: "Another door."

Having rapped the pupils for some graffiti on the blackboard, the school teacher proceeded to teach about Shakespeare and then, in the course of testing the class, asked one of the pupils: "Who wrote 'Romeo and Juliet'..?" The pupil, miles away, responded, "It wasn't me, Miss., I didn't, honest!.."

(Told of that funny reply, his father saw the humour of it: "Ho-ho-ho, and all the time, he probably had!")

"Have you brothers or sisters likely to attend this school?" asked one of the new students the head teacher; told "No," he sighed, "Thank Goodness!"

An teacher, explaining the numbers, asked: "Give me number," was given '45' and he wrote it down as 54, "another," said the teacher and wrote that too in reverse as 21, and "another…"; '11' shouted a student, "now, mess with that, then, teach.!.."

The religious education teacher told the young pupils about Heaven, and asked who wanted to go there; "I'd like to, Miss.," said one of the pupils, "but mum said I must come straight home after school..."

Schoolchildren in their cub scout uniforms, seen arguing with an elderly lady explained: they were trying, true to their scouts master's teaching, to help her across the street, but she didn’t want to cross it!

The author has a website at: http://www.geocities.com/eoa_uk