After the Affair - 3 Stages Toward Healing Your Relationship

Infidelity touches about one out of every three relationships. With those kind of statistics it does not give someone a lot of hope for success. Lately the focus is more on rebuilding relationships after an affair than developing the initial relationship itself. A sad state of affairs indeed (no pun intended). If you choose to get back together after the affair, here are some steps you take along the way.

Normalize your feelings

Obviously you are going to be running the gamut of emotions and feelings after the affair. Not only are you feeling anger toward your cheating spouse, you are feeling betrayed, depressed, lacking self-worth and self-respect. It is normal to be overwhelmed at this point, however, before you can think about what your next step will be, you need to normalize your feelings. You will not be able to let go of all the feelings right not, but you must make every effort to put them to the side. No one expects you to forgive and forget at this point. Having a clear head will allow you to process things rationally and help you avoid jumping to emotionally-induced choices.

Decide whether to recommit to or end the relationship

Once you can think straight and clearly, you must decide whether you choose to work everything out after the affair, or sever ties and move on. As the victim of infidelity, one prevalent emotion is a lack of self-esteem. On one hand, you will wonder if they would even want to be with you anymore, while on the other hand, you are unsure whether you can make it on your own. Try to think about time before the affair. What were you like as an individual back then? You likely will see that many of your self-focused feelings right now were nonexistent back then. Being rational, look at the pros and cons for both sides - write them down. How willing is your cheating partner going to be to rebuild the relationship? Just saying they want to work it out is not going to be enough. A larger commitment will be needed by both sides.

Rebuilding the relationship

If you have chosen to work at your relationship and rebuild, realize up front that the road is going to be long and rough. Will it be rough during the whole process? Probably not. Once you commit to each other and begin to "re-discover" your spouse, there will be positive and happy moments you share. These are what you must focus on. No one can EVER forget the affair, however, they can choose to focus on the positives and live their lives to the fullest. Keep an open mind and try to see you and your spouse together down the road - 6 months, 1 year, 5 years - envisioning a positive future with goals in mind will definitely help.

I believe that many more couples have an opportunity at a second chance than society gives them credit. It is too easy to just cut the ties and move on, but in the end there are many more people negatively affected by that. If you are one that believe the same, then know there is hope for you and your significant other. While there really is no excuse for infidelity, it's happened and how you choose to deal with it will lay the groundwork for a positive or negative future.

For more information on getting back together after the affair, visit my site. Why continue to live in distress, when you can learn how to turn around your relationship for the better.