Are You Healing An Affair?

It's Tuesday and you're thinking about where you're going at the weekend.  You're spouse says they would like to speak to you about something.  'Sure, What's up?'

And the words come back to you as though they've been delivered from a dream. 'I've been having an affair for the past year.'

Think for at least a few minutes about the impact that would have upon you.  Imagine that everything has been ticking along in the usual way.  You have suspected nothing.

Sometimes, that's how it happens.

Whichever way it happens, there is often very severe shock.  Of course, the shock is there to protect you from the pain.  The delay in believing the reality is all part of the healing process, which is usually quite long.  Common figures are usually set at two years minumum.

For some, they will go through that healing process on their own as the mere mention of infidelity is enough to pack one's bags.  Others choose to tough it out and try to figure out what the hell happened.

Either way, the road to recovery is complex and painful.  Some, almost unbelievably, get through to find their relationship has improved as a consequence of the affair.  However, it is usually achieved by seeking the advice of a professional.  That may be a councellor, a book, or more recently hypnotherapy.  To try to solve the issue single-handedly would need skills beyond the vast majority.  For, the emotional intensity is so great, that objectivity is almost non-existant.

The betrayed will likely experience, anger, sadness, depression, hyper anxiety, weight loss or gain, lack of sleep, and often feeling of worthlessness.  Also, there will be agonizing thoughts about the covert activities of the cheating couple, and alongside that will be a desire to know everything that happened: when, where, how, who.

It is perhaps indicitve of the morals of a country that allows these actions to go unpunished, and it's hard to imagine that such psychological torture is deemed acceptable.  Still, that is how things are, and the betrayed must deal with their injustice in any way that helps them.

Usually, the support of friends and family will go a long way, as this often provides the opportunity to vent, vent, vent.  I've come across once piece of advice online that suggested driving one's car to a quiet destination and screaming full-tilt. 

In this process, the process of healing an affair, both parties will often have much soul searching to do.  What went wrong?  What was so catastrophically wrong that would lead one partner to lie and cheat in such callous fashion?

It takes time, a slow-heal, with answers often being dredged from the depths of one's being.  But, for those who attempt the arduous task of healing an affair, finding those answers is often the key to it never happening again.