Curtain Poles - Survivors Guide

In a far off distant land, many moons ago a community lived in peace, harmony and contentment. Who were they? They were curtain poles! Despite their many different personalities they had learned to get along just fine.

The curtain poles lived in times of trouble and persecution. The world was evolving around them and for a while they struggled to keep their finials above water. A society of fast food and video games had left the poor curtain poles and tracks behind.

It was all well and good having a peaceful community but the future didnt look good for curtain pole village. Some began to struggle and wander off the tracks.

One day Queen of the curtain poles, whose name was Nikola (aged 35) decided that she didn't want to live in the shadows any longer. No more would she holdback. She wanted to be seen, she wanted to feel important, she wanted to restore some prestige, so she set about organising a curtain pole uprising. After much preparation and training and when every aspect of the invasion had been carefully planned, they were ready! The poles and tracks army were about to be unleashed upon the world.

Many weapons were being made as the curtain pole battalion underwent their training. Walnut, pine and the finest oak were used to graft weapons from wood. Metal too was used, including brass, silver and chrome. The they applied the war paint in many different colours. They were a sight to behold!

Curtain pole village was alive with a new sense of purpose. A nervous, excited atmosphere, poles apart from what had gone before. Patiently waiting for the battle cry, the soldiers made their final preparations and fine tunings. Each with their personal insignia carved into their helmets and shields. If nothing else, they would look exquisite in battle. Home accessories everywhere would want to emulate their couture appearance. Orion looked down on them proudly, the heavens approving of the army's grandeur.

Queen Nikola summoned the massive army before her, for she would lead the invasion herself. They would invade homes and businesses the world over. No stone would be left unturned in their quest for world domination. From Hampshire to Havana, from Basingstoke to Belgravia, from Lincoln to Los Angeles, the whole planet would feel the wrath of the curtain poles.

Queen Nikola exclaimed at the top of her voice, Holdback! Holdback! Holdback! After all the planning and plotting she was determined to get the timing correct. It would be an awesome attack, from air, land and sea. Some of the stealth soldiers would even sneak into the monorail movement.

Attack, Attack! This was it! The curtain poles and tracks moved with such skill and determination that the world was powerless to respond. Casualties were few because the curtain poles were merciful but victory was comprehensive and complete. They had succeeded in infiltrating every home and every life. Every window and every door bore the mark.

Of course I am far too young to remember this historic battle of curtain pole hill but my grandfather told me many stories about it and I have since seen many documentaries and movies about it.

My favourite starring Sally Florentine and Edward Rockingham was The Charge of the Telescopic Curtain Pole. Although I have to admit that Saving Private Finial runs it a close second. Dominic Galleria was magnificent in that!