A Strained Stressful Life; in the Eyes of a Japanese Youth

By: Arvin Gumato Pareja, MBA

 The Strain of Stress and the Stressors of Daily Living

 Miko is 28 years old from the northern part of Akita, Tohoko, Japan whom I meet in one of my travel in a guided tour to Egypt in the summer of 2007, I found him in one corner of Nile Hilton Hotel lobby in Cairo. He wore a casual shirt without the luggage that I presume he has been a resident of the hotel for days then.  We exchange hi and hellos.

Doing nothing from the first day on my arrival, I hung around to keep familiar with the humidity pending orientation to my tour guide which was rescheduled in the evening. And to supplement each others company,  Miko was invited around.

He speaks good English, he owns a rational ways of defining the principles of economics, trading and investments which to my understanding this guy is a professional being who has a career in a corporate setting.

With bottle(s) of beer after dinner, we get along to learn and get to know each other easily.  In fact, we were the last guest to leave the Rithmo bistro @ Corniche Road that night.

The eyes are the window of our soul and feelings; be it happiness or frustration are reflected through our appearance which is called aura, I think Miko is so troubled, stressed out and felt feed up. 

The only sibling in his family, he was raised with pride and utmost focus from his strict parents. The entire village knew his progress and achievements since childhood till present.   He graduated with the highest honors since childhood move to college and completed a degree.  Employed in one of the most powerful investment house in the Capital of Tokyo, Miko does carved a colorful career that is the envy to most of Miko’s generation in his home town village.

At 26, he was to suppose to get married with career woman whom he meets up in his travel to Germany.  But pressures from familial influence, he accepted to deny his love and defy his personal desire in lieu to parental respect, “you were not raised to whom what you have become in order to be picked - and be an asset of someone else’s pride”.  The words from his parents are strong, powerful that it inculcates thru his mind, so vivid it’s memorized.

Miko’s Impasse:

Parental pressure for a student to make good in school is ideal,  however, pressures are suppose to be simplified in a manner that it will be viewed as an encouragement rather than impositions.  It is normal that parents will define the path of their siblings to be assured that a good life is certain.  But to derail ones passion, to curb ones yearning may often lead to strained disturbance that affects the human being in general.   It can deform a frame of mind, one will find difficult to trust and even suspicious to an unfamiliar person.  And this is what happened to Miko.  His life long desire is to be a woodworker (carpenter) like his great grand father who taught him the skills on how to carve a toy among others - is a fascination.  A burning desire that is so strong.  And to graduate a degree in economics and finance is far from his ideals that out of the imposition and respect to parents – completing the entire college was a stressful times in his life. 

To complete his college was not the end of his despair. In fact, right after college – he was appointed to be a part of an entity whose business interests is in the areas investment banking. 

Day in day out – Miko responded the call of his duties as a professional with utmost impartiality despite the fact that carpentry was his first choice, building a career in his present employment is a no where to go to please his parents. The values of loyalty make him cling to his employment for the last five years.  In terms of performance, time and again there were promotions, recognitions, rewards and all to justifying his human resource value in the company.  Known as the powerhouse go getter, whose persuasion is trusted by the entire organization.  Until one day, Miko’s life dealing his career has stopped to revolve, like a balloon burst into helplessness, shying away from the tight world competition he use to victor at all time.

Until one day, he only found himself idle, empty in one corner of Egypt – far from his root hiding away, to escape from his deep frustration in life and had I not founded his weaker side – he would have ended his precious life in the summer of 2007 in the deserted land.

The Lesson Learned:

Forcing oneself to be engage in a career that one don’t find interests with can result to self obliteration, it can cause a strain to wipe out ones dream in life leading a future in gray which is a very stressful satiation.

How  To Manager Stress:

There three major ways we can deal with stress: Alter it, Avoid it, or Accept it by: building our fight, or shifting our discernment.

* Alter your life by removing the source of stress. Better planning, being more organized in your personal and family life, and becoming more efficient in your use of time are common techniques for altering stress. Have a backup plan for any emergency.

* Avoid stress by removing your self from the stressful situation, or figuring out how not to get there in the first place. Sometimes it’s okay to walk away, to let go, to say "no", to withdraw, to know your limits so you can "live to struggle another day."

* Accept the situation by equipping yourself physically and mentally for stress. You can build:

physical health by eating a proper diet, doing regular exercise and having regular health checkups. A body that is physically stressed because of lack of activity and poor eating habits is more likely to buckle under the additional weight of mental stress.

mental health is bolstered by (1) taking a few minutes a day for yourself to "recharge your batteries"; (2) getting clear about your own goals and priorities in life; and (3) becoming the best person you can be.

social health is strengthened by building friendships, and strengthening relationships with parents, children and/or your intimate partner.

spiritual health is especially important in times of high stress. Prayer, meditation, worship, faith and commitment can strengthen you for tough times.

When your physical, mental, social and spiritual cupboards are full, they make up a magic health capsule that will keep your stress levels in check.

Here are some other approaches to dealing with everyday stress that you may find helpful:

Take a problem-solving approach to a potentially stressful situation. Has this happened before? If so, what did you learn from it? Decide what's the worst that can happen, and consider your options. Ask yourself: "Will I even remember this incident five years from now?"

Think about these things. Take stock of your worries and fears. Look back over the last year and see how many things you worried about that came true and how many never happened. Listen to the way you talk--to yourself and to others. Do you create unnecessary stress by over dramatizing situations and making things seem worse than they are?

Tune up your attitude. Do you dwell on criticism? Jump to conclusions? Expect the worst? Beware of negative thinking. Most stress you will experience will come from your attitude and "self-talk."

Talk to yourself in a positive way. Say whatever helps you to calm down. "Some day I'll laugh about this..." "things could be worse..." "this is a character-building experience..."

Pay attention to signs of stress overload. When stress is taking over our lives, we get headaches, colds, have indigestion, don't sleep well, act cranky and often feel angry. This is the time to look for patterns of stress in your daily life and try to get rid of them.